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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752385">Light In The Dark</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandaseverlark/pseuds/wandaseverlark'>wandaseverlark</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychological Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:02:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>72,213</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752385</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandaseverlark/pseuds/wandaseverlark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss Everdeen moves to the small town of Four with nothing more than ten dollars in her pocket and a broken down car, with a past she spends every night waking up screaming from. Peeta is an ER doctor with nothing ahead of him besides night shifts. Slow burn AU.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair, Delly Cartwright/Peeta Mellark's Brothers, Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen &amp; Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>158</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So after like the longest hiatus ever, I'm back into my writing. It's been hell. I've been sick and barely able to lift my head, let alone think or even write. I've been getting better over the past few months and now I've decided to try and get back into it. I haven't written for THG in YEARS so excuse me whilst I get back into the flow of everything- and please don't hate me if this is utter crap. Not my intention at all.</p><p>I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I wish I did as I would know Josh and Jen, and I would be mega rich.</p><p>Light Up The Dark</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>Without saying a word, you can light up the dark...' </em></p><p>Grumbling loudly, Katniss glances over at the radio on the desk beside her, her hand paused in its position where she's putting her earring in. "Bit too dead on, Ronan." She comments, listening for a few moments to the song that radio station has decided to play for what must be the third time today.</p><p>Panem Radio, the only radio station that appears to be available in the town, has an irritating presenter called Ceaser Flickerman, who thinks he's far more important than he is, and decides to play love songs from the nineties as often as he can.</p><p>Although Katniss was born in the nineties and should probably enjoy watching all the cliché romance films brought out back then, with some true hits in music included, she just can't. She never had any money like all those people in films seemed to have growing up, and she certainly never had any love, and therefore it made her slightly bitter.</p><p>If only she could be the Julia Roberts of the real world, minus the prostitution in <em>Pretty Woman</em>.</p><p>Julia Roberts seems to know what she's doing, always. And that's certainly a quality Katniss wishes she could possess.</p><p>'<em>The smile on your face let's me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me, the touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall...'</em></p><p>If Katniss could punch that radio without hurting her hand, she would.</p><p>But alas, she can't. The radio must be at least twenty years old, but it still works perfectly despite the tricky mechanics. Katniss can hardly complain about a strange working radio in her current situation.</p><p>The radio is the least of her problems.</p><p>Truly, the worst of her problems is the fact she's currently twenty-four years of age, sitting in a tiny room in a place called Sae's Bed &amp; Breakfast, a grey apron tied around her waist on top of a hideous mustard yellow dress.</p><p>This was hardly the life she once pictured. And yet, it's the exact life she knows she deserves.</p><p>With a quick glance at the clock, Katniss's eyes widen when she realises if she doesn't leave now, she'll be late and it's her first day, she can't afford to be. So, with grace and agility that shocks even her at this hour in the morning, she rushes around the small room grabbing anything she'll need for the day before rushing out and down the rickety stairs until she's out the front door.</p><p>Luckily, her new place of work is only across the street from the Bed &amp; Breakfast she's been generously allowed to stay in for free. Well, not entirely free, she's working in the woman who owns its diner.</p><p>Two nights before, she'd driven into the small town District Four, all the way from District Twelve, with only ten dollars in her pocket and a car that had just ran out of gas.</p><p>She had nothing, and had collapsed against her wheel in sobs, with no direction and nowhere else to go, no money to pay for her car to be fixed. Katniss Everdeen was certainly not someone who cried, but she couldn't help it in that moment of weakness.</p><p>But someone had knocked on her window, some older woman she'd never heard of and who had never even seen Katniss in her life, and she had helped her. In the end, Katniss has since learned the woman's name was Sae, and that she had a room available in her B&amp;B. But with no money to pay, Katniss had declined, until Sae had told her she had a job in her diner, and that the money would be taken from her wages for as long as Katniss stayed there.</p><p>It was perfect.</p><p>Well, it was perfect for Katniss, at least. She had no other options and no place else to go. She was running, but maybe Four was far enough for her to go. It was far enough that she could be safe and not have to worry, at least for now. With that in mind, she had tentatively accepted, and today was her first day.</p><p>And she was going to be late.</p><p>Luckily for Katniss, no one spots her coming in a minute late, and she has a pen and pad in hand just as Sae steps out from the kitchen, a small grin on her face at the sight of the young woman. "Good, you're here." She comments before pointing over at a section of the diner and tells her that will be hers for now.</p><p>According to Sae, all three of the waitress's in the diner, who she hasn't got a clue the names of yet, have a section they get to serve and they rotate through the day. As it's Katniss's first day, she gets the quietest corner, where Sae says the 'friendly' customers go usually.</p><p>She can understand why. The walls are a soft yellow and that particular corner is the best if you want to hear the music coming quietly from the speakers, and there are less tables but more space so that you could make bigger areas for people to sit. Katniss supposes this is why it's quiet for now, as most go when they have a big group and it's too quiet for big groups now.</p><p>However, she does have a gentleman who looks to be in his late forties and another, much younger, man sat in booths opposite each other. The older man already had a full coffee beside him, whereas the younger hasn't, so she makes a beeline for him.</p><p>'<em>Be nice, be nice, don't be rude, be nice, don't be sarcastic.' </em>She thinks as she approaches, her pen poised at the ready.</p><p>"Hi, I'm Katniss and I'll be your server today, can I get you anything?" She asks smoothly, silently thanking her brain for reminding her to smile pleasantly at the young man.</p><p>When the man looks up from his phone, she has to admit he is very handsome. She never usually thinks that about anyone, especially with her, albeit short, experience with men. But this man is possibly the most gorgeous person she's ever seen on earth.</p><p>He's muscular, that's obvious, and given the fact Four has a large beach not too far, she's going to assume he's probably a swimmer, as he seems athletic. The gentleman seems to be tall; if the fact his head is aligned with her neck tells her anything, though she is short, and he has a light tan to his skin that she attributes to the sunny weather in Four.</p><p>His sea-green eyes meet her grey ones, and she hates that they are in fact stunning. "Hi." He greets, his voice as smooth as velvet, and he has a small smirk at the sight of her. "You're new."</p><p>"I am." She states, giving nothing else away, but her smile remains though forced.</p><p>Running a hand through his bronze hair, the man nods, and it's like he can read her thoughts before she even thinks them, given the fact he comments, "Not much of a talker, I see. You can drop the cute little act, I can tell that smile physically hurts."</p><p>Thankful, her smile does drop, and her usual blank look comes instead. She doesn't scowl, like she usually does, but she doesn't particularly have any emotion in her face. "How could you guess?"</p><p>"Your eye was twitching." He chuckles, a smile coming up on his face, showing off his brilliant white teeth. "Odair." He holds out a hand for her to shake, which she eyes briefly. "Finnick Odair."</p><p>After a moment of hesitation, she transfers her pen into the hand holding the writing pad and shakes his hand. "Katniss Everdeen...and I like the James Bond act."</p><p>"Classic films." He shrugs, letting go of her hand, and his disposition remains friendly and at ease, which she appreciates.</p><p>It's strange. She finds this man to be calming, and yet friendly, and of course he is attractive in an obvious sort of way, and yet she feels nothing but ease around him. Maybe a lesser woman would feel attraction, but not her.</p><p>"Which is your favourite?" He asks, and she has to consider her answer whilst he continues. "It's hard to choose, but I do enjoy <em>Goldfinger</em> the best."</p><p>"Agreed." Katniss comments, before she gets an almost sheepish look on her face, and a grimace comes on her face. "I much prefer <em>Die Hard</em>, if we're picking movie Detective films."</p><p>Giving a fake gasp, Finnick holds a hand to his chest as if he's been betrayed in the worst way. "Treason." He chuckles, putting his hand back down to rest on the table with a shrug. "I'll accept it, John McClane is a worthy opponent."</p><p>Nodding, she glances around to make sure no one is listening, before she leans down slightly to mumble. "Bruce Willis was my childhood crush." She admits, unsure as to why she would admit something that personal. But she supposes he's worthy enough to know of her childhood crush. "And DiCaprio."</p><p>"Both very good men. I approve." He grins, before he realises he probably can't take up too much of her time, if the older gentleman a table away from him is anything to go by, who is not-so-patiently coughing every few seconds for her attention. "Can I get a coffee, and bring one of those little bowls full of sugar cubes? And a tea for my girlfriend, she's on her way."</p><p>Jotting it down quickly, she nods, and her face goes back to being blank. "Of course, Mr. Odair." She acts professional once more, and ignores the wink he sends her as she grabs his menu from table.</p><p>As she turns back to face the older gentleman, the space he filled is now empty, and she sighs to herself but grabs the requested coffee (with the sugar cubes in a bowl) and tea, intending on doing it promptly. He's her first customer, and she can hardly screw up a coffee and a tea surely.</p><p>By the time she's back, a woman is sat across from Finnick, pulling off her coat as she breathes heavily, like she's ran the whole way there. She's a young woman, possibly the same age as Katniss herself if not a little older, with red hair that flows in a perfect way she could only ever dream of, and the very same sea-green eyes Finnick has.</p><p>Briefly, she wonders if it's something all residents in Four who were born there have, but ultimately decides it doesn't matter.</p><p>Despite the woman's rushed nature, she still takes a moment to smile as Katniss sets Finnick's coffee and the tea down, thanking her whilst she shoves her things to the corner of the booth.</p><p>Intending on just walking away, certainly not one to strike up a conversation with random strangers, Katniss turns, but a soft voice makes her quickly turn back.</p><p>"Sorry, uhm," The woman glances at her name-tag before speaking again, "Katniss. I just- Finnick was just telling me there was a new waitress; I'm assuming that's you. I'm Annie." She offers her hand, which Katniss takes. "You'll most likely see a lot of us, we're always in here."</p><p>Nodding, Katniss gives her a small smile as she lets go of her hand. "Oh, well then that's good. I'm already getting to know the regulars."</p><p>Annie beams at her, delighted that she's 'just as happy as Annie is' about meeting, before she opens her mouth to speak again, but a call from the kitchen of her name makes Katniss apologise before rushing over.</p><p>She doesn't see much of Annie and Finnick before they leave, as she's busy helping another waitress whose name she didn't catch, but by the time she goes back to their table, they're gone.</p><p>There is, however, payment for their drinks with a ten-dollar tip on a five-dollar cheque.</p><p>With a small smile, she pockets the tip just as Sae had told her she's allowed to do, before going to help one of the newer customers who had just sat down in her section, plastering on her fake-friendly customer face.</p>
<hr/><p>Throughout the course of her day, Katniss can honestly say she's never met so many polite people in her life. She had accidentally dropped coffee (thankfully an iced one) on a young man, but he had just waved it off and smiled, claiming it didn't matter, and he even tipped her for it.</p><p>Back when she was living in her hometown in Twelve, people didn't have that same attitude, at least not to her. People were withdrawn and tried to keep away from one another, but they all seemed to have a distain for her. At least, that was what he always used to tell her.</p><p>Thinking back on it, it's possible it was all in her head, stirred by the malicious words of an evil man.</p><p>But she can't think about that. Now is not the time.</p><p>Almost twenty minutes before the end of her shift, another waitress comes down sick that was meant to be taking over from her for the night shift Although Katniss is already exhausted from working since that morning, she needs all the money she can get. And so, without thinking, she volunteers to do their shift for them.</p><p>Thankfully, Katniss had anticipated that she would have to do her fair share of night shifts, as the diner stays open until four am most days, three am on others, and so the thought of working a night shift isn't as daunting to her as it is for others.</p><p>Besides, the nightshift will help keep the nightmares away, if only for a few hours.</p><p>Plus, from making casual conversation with another waitress – who she can finally remember her name being Rue- Katniss finds out that Sae usually lets the person who did the night shift have the next morning off, and they'd start work in the late afternoon.</p><p>To her credit, Sae does let Katniss take a three hour lunch break to make up for her working so many hours, but she ends up coming back early anyway. There is nothing else for Katniss to do for three hours after eating, and even then she remains in the diner.</p><p>Both Rue and Sae reprimand her but she truly doesn't mind.</p><p>However, at one am, after everyone else has gone home except for her and another waitress, Katniss finally admits to herself that she probably shouldn't have started doing that shift.</p><p>The only people in the diner are her and the other waitress who she learns is named Delly, far too happy but kind, and the pair are in the middle of playing a game of chess over the counter whilst Katniss wipes down tables and Delly cleans glasses, when she hears the dingle of the bell.</p><p>As the mystery person comes in, she gives them a minute to sit down and glance over the menu- despite the fact they only do drinks and pastries after ten pm and anyone coming it at one in the morning should know what they want already- before she decides she's waited long enough.</p><p>With a huff, she straightens her apron before walking over, making sure she plasters on a big smile that no normal human being should have at that time of day. "Hi, what can I get you?" She asks politely.</p><p>The person in question is staring intently out of the window, his thumb pressing into his chin, looking like he's deep in thought. "Sir?" She tries again, her tone slightly insistent at being ignored.</p><p>Gently, she raps her knuckles on the table to get his attention and his head snaps her way immediately.</p><p>If she wasn't already used to seeing handsome men in that diner after Finnick, then she may have just fallen over and accepted her inevitable death as she catches sight of him.</p><p>She thought Finnick was the most attractive man she'd ever met, based on his obvious charms and handsome features, despite the fact she could sense somewhat of a cocky nature hidden somewhere beneath the charming winks and grins he sent her.</p><p>But it seems, she was wrong. Because the man in front of her this second was definitely winning, in her opinion, against Finnick.</p><p>Not that she cares, of course.</p><p>In front of her, the man has quite possibly the most pulchritudinous eyes she's ever seen. They're blue, reminding her of the ocean not too far from the diner, beautiful and remarkable and yet somehow at the same time, they hold a calming effect with them. It's a strange feeling to describe, his eyes on her dull grey ones. She feels slightly inadequate.</p><p>But that isn't all, because it's not just his eyes that take her aback, as his hair does the same, an ashy blonde colour that falls in waves over his pale skin on his forehead, and despite the fact he seems to have tried to neaten them up, he has these curls that poke out in a cowlick fashion.</p><p>Despite the fact he doesn't look as tall as Finnick, he more than makes up for it in his stance, having a strong, sturdy, stocky build and she imagines he's one of those men who are always at the gym- even though she usually despises that.</p><p>Apparently, she's been staring at him blankly without speaking for too long, as his eyes flash with concern, and his mouth moves but she doesn't quite comprehend what he's saying.</p><p>From her position over him, she can see he's wearing a pair of neat black dress trousers, with a white shirt and tailored suit jacket with it, making him look every ounce like some kind of lawyer or high ranking CEO, though she doubts that in a town like Four.</p><p>Breaking away from her thoughts, her head snaps back to his eyes and she coughs into her hand holding her pen once, but her palms are slightly sweaty from embarrassment, and the pen slips from her grasp.</p><p>Christ, he must think she's some kind of silly teenage girl. She hopes he didn't notice.</p><p>But alas, he seems to, and he leans down to pick it up for her.</p><p>She hates herself, but she can't help but let out her little intake of breath when his head is dangerously close to her thigh, and she knows she's going to hell when she gets the image in her head of him hoisting her on the table and burying his head between her thighs.</p><p>Managing to school her features when he comes back up, Katniss takes the pen back with a blush that can only be described as fire engine red. "Sorry."</p><p>"Not a problem." He shrugs it off, and her offers her a smile that could charm even the strictest of people. She finds herself smiling back despite herself, and quickly goes back to her fake one, not wanting to give away too much.</p><p>How is it possible that a man she hasn't even said two words can do this? She's certainly not the type of woman to fall for a gorgeous smile and a handsome face, and he definitely has both.</p><p>"Katniss." She tells him, completely unprompted, and her own eyes widen at how stupid she sounds, but she doesn't stop. "Katniss Everdeen." Her hand comes out to shake his, her mouth shutting before she can make an even bigger fool out of herself.</p><p>Shutting up is definitely her best option here.</p><p>Thank God for this man, because he takes her offered hand and shakes it, a genuine smile on her face that fills her with a strange sense of warmth she can't shake off.</p><p>"Peeta Mellark." He tells her, and she can't help but notice he gives her hand a gentle squeeze before pulling away. "I've never seen you here before, are you new?"</p><p>Nodding, she glances down at the floor, and tries to develop as little as possible. She knows making a joke will be her best option here, as most people seem far too friendly, and he doesn't seem any different. "New to Four, not new to waitressing. Unfortunately."</p><p>"Ah. What inspired the move? If you don't mind me asking." He leaves it open, not seeming to expect an answer but seeming like he'd be pleased if she did.</p><p>For some reason, she wants to tell him, but she knows if she does, she'll end up sobbing in the middle of the diner to a stranger and that's not something she wants to do. So she keeps it vague, giving a small shrug. "Things change, as they do for everyone. Can I get you anything?" She quickly diverts the conversation, clicking her pen.</p><p>"Tea, thank you. No sugar." He adds as though people are constantly asking if he wants it or just assuming he does. "I'm sweet enough." He jokes, and though she's heard the joke a million times before, she laughs to herself as she writes.</p><p>With one final nod at him, she quickly makes her way behind the counter, ignoring Delly trying to grab her attention, and within a few minutes she's placing the tea in front of him. "Tea. No sugar." She places the small saucer of milk everyone gets with tea, giving him the option to use as much as he wishes.</p><p>"You looked really nervous for a moment, is today your first day?" Peeta asks, his tone curious, and there's a twinge of concern to it that she does her best to ignore. No one has ever really been concerned about her before.</p><p>"First day on the job, yeah." Katniss confirms, and she uses a dishrag she brought with her to clean the table next to his. She wants to keep talking to him, though she isn't sure why, and she doesn't want to walk away. Not yet at least. "I used to be a waitress in Twelve."</p><p>"Twelve?" He questions, and at her nod, he smiles wide. "I'm from there myself. Which part are you from?"</p><p>As if he doesn't know. Her hair is dark, her skin is tanned and her eyes are grey. She couldn't be anymore from the Seam if she tried.</p><p>Twelve is the smallest of all the main areas of Panem, known for it's old coal mining industry that died out long ago but no one ever goes there for anything else nowadays. It has two main areas, the Merchant section and the Seam. Those from the Merchant section tend to have more money, and they usually have blonde hair and blue eyes- much like Katniss's mother and sister. Whereas those from the Seam are classed as the 'lowest of the low', the 'poorest of the poor' and have dark hair with grey eyes, usually painfully thin from how hard it is to find food.</p><p>He couldn't look like any more a Merchant than she does someone from the Seam. It's painfully obvious, and she's surprised he even asked.</p><p>"The Seam." She swallows, expecting the inevitable jokes and jabs people usually make. But none come, instead he barely reacts, and it appears to her as though he had just been curious. "I'll assume you were a Merchant?"</p><p>Nodding, he sighs, and he doesn't seem overly thrilled with it. He hardly seems like the type who would want to be from the Seam. No one wants to be from the Seam. Even she doesn't. There is definitely no pride in her because of her roots. Maybe he just doesn't want to be from Twelve, she doesn't know.</p><p>"Our paths never crossed." He muses, seeming genuinely upset for a brief moment that they never even saw one another, especially since they seem so similar in age.</p><p>"No." She comments, finishing wiping down the table that she had been pretending to wipe for the last few minutes. In truth, she just wanted to talk to him. "They didn't."</p><p>"Funny how things work out, right?" He offers her a small, almost hesitant smile, and his fingers drum on the side of his mug thoughtfully. "We never met in Twelve, and yet we both end up in Four and meet in a diner at one am."</p><p>"I wouldn't say funny is the word for it." She shrugs, standing taller, and she forgets her usually stoic attitude as she speaks honestly, "I came here and decided I needed more than ten whole dollars in my pocket, so I work here. And you...don't." She finishes, unsure of what he does.</p><p>"I came here with five." Peeta tells her in a joking tone, but she knows there's a little truth within his words. She can see it; hear it, whatever the correct phrase is. Maybe because she feels like a kindred spirit, or maybe it's a Twelve thing, she doesn't know.</p><p>Behind every joke is a hidden truth that no one wants to say.</p><p>"Good to know." She states, leaving a long pause purposefully in the middle of her sentence, and he catches her eyes briefly. "What do you do here in Four?" She asks curiously, not sure even to herself why she is interested.</p><p>She's not. She's just a polite waitress.</p><p>Realising she had been stood there doing nothing for way too long, she begins to wipe down the table near him, very close to the one she had been pretending to clean before. She's still within earshot of him, but she wants to look busy instead of just talking, even though she knows Delly won't care.</p><p>"Oh, I'm a doctor, hence the night shift." Peeta tells her and he shrugs, like its nothing special or important. "I have my break now, so I thought a few…gallons of coffee might help me out for the rest of my shift."</p><p>Glancing down at the mug in his hand, raised to his lips to take a sip, Katniss smirks. "That's tea."</p><p>"I really hate coffee."</p><p>Despite herself, she laughs, covering her mouth to hide the awful sound. It's terrible, far too nasal and breathy, and she knows it's too loud, or so <em>he</em> used to tell her. Though, he also used to tell her she was miserable so she's not sure which to believe.</p><p>Peeta doesn't seem to mind though, as he smiles like he's won the lottery. As though making her laugh is one of the best things he'll do all day, and this man saves lives so she highly doubts it.</p><p>"I-" She coughs, calming from her laughing outburst, and turns her full attention to him. "Sorry. What's your main practice?"</p><p>"Emergency Medicine. So the ER stuff you see in all those TV shows they play at midnight for people like me who are up at that time. It used to be pediatrics but," He shrugs again, like he's not used to telling people, and almost like he's embarrassed to admit something. "My mother didn't see that as real medicine so I ended up where I am now."</p><p>"You saved children's lives and your mother didn't think that was impressive?" Katniss asks, her tone clearly unimpressed, and she can't imagine how cruel that woman could be to think that. If she had known him back then, not that she does now, she'd have been over the moon for him, so proud she could burst.</p><p>Scratching the back of his neck, Peeta shrugs again, and she's starting to really dislike his lax attitude toward his own achievements. "Uh, yeah, I guess. It's no big deal."</p><p>Sensing she might have touched a nerve, Katniss nods, and just plays with the dish rag in hand, before she points a hand to the counter where Delly is watching them and cleaning the glasses of the day. "I should-It was nice to meet you, Peeta."</p><p>"You too." He smiles, and his slightly down mood seems to dissipate with the change in conversation, although he looks almost...disappointed in her going. But that isn't possible because no one is ever disappointed to see her go. She's hardly got any redeeming features people want to spend time with her for, or so she's been told many times.</p><p>Originally, she goes to walk away, but she stops herself and steps back to him, unable to help the impulse she has. "Peeta?" She stands closer than she did before, and he looks up at her in confused and something she hopes is joy at her coming back rather than horror. "I'm proud of you even if she isn't. It's impressive to me."</p><p>With that, she turns on her heel and rushes into the kitchen before he can react.</p><p>It takes nearly twenty minutes before she stops being a coward and steps out, and in that time, Delly has cleaned away his table and Peeta has gone, but as Delly passes Katniss, she hands her a small white envelope. "He left that for you." She informs her colleague.</p><p>Opening it slowly, Katniss finds a small note inside it, with the most elegant penmanship that's somehow still legible.</p><p>
  <em>Some company for your ten dollars – Peeta</em>
</p><p>Unable to help it, she doesn't even fight her huge smile when she pulls out a ten-dollar bill from the envelope, and she knows for a fact his bill wasn't even three dollars. She doesn't even stop to wonder why, as Finnick did something similar before, and she thinks it might just be one of those things that the men in Four do. Maybe they all just tip well.</p><p>It's not the money that makes her heart flutter. It's the note.</p><p>Not the man behind them, surely not.</p>
<hr/><p>Katniss groans as she toes off her shoes somewhere in her tiny room, making sure to place them neatly aside, purely out of habit. Her feet sore and her heels are cracked from how long she's been up, and yet she doesn't feel as awful as she used to with shorter shifts in Twelve.</p><p>Reaching over the bed, she switches on the tiny, old radio, but this time, she doesn't groan when the all too familiar love ballad comes on.</p><p>'<em>But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd...'</em></p><p>Instead of grumbling like she did that morning, she hums along quietly to herself as she peels off the horrendous coloured dress she had to wear all day replacing it far too quickly with a ratty pair of pajamas Sae let her have. They aren't much, but they'll do. It's not like she 's used to having much in the first place.</p><p>She can hardly say that she enjoyed her first day in her new job, but she certainly didn't despise it like she used to. She isn't curled in her car crying, like she used to, but that may be because no one has screamed at her yet. Yet.</p><p>It has nothing to do with Peeta, of course. That would be stupid to think. Katniss Everdeen is not the type to hold her entire day up to one man, despite the fact he was probably the best part of it. No, her job isn't that bad, people tip well and she has a roof over her head where she doesn't have to worry constantly.</p><p>Maybe, just maybe, this town has something to offer after all. Even though she has certainly had her reservations about picking to remain in the first town she saw a sign for.</p><p>The people seem okay, they all seem friendly (except for that man in his forties who she supposes must be an alcoholic due to him yelling at a lamp post that she saw when she was on her way home) and she's somehow managed to meet three people who don't want to make her throw up her breakfast.</p><p>All in all, she thinks that's a good day's work.</p><p>'<em>You say it best, when you say nothing at all...'</em></p><p>Listening as the song fades out to nothing, she hums along, her foot tapping against the bed when she sits on it, her back against the headrest, her knees curled up into her chest.</p><p>It could be worse; she could be in Twelve still, worrying about going home and tiptoeing around in case he came home in a bad mood and decided he wanted to take it out on the closest-</p><p>No, she can't let herself think that way again. She can't let him crawl into her thoughts every single time she gets a spare second to herself. She came to Four to get away from that place, away from her home, her family, her whole life. And yet, she's sat here thinking about the man who's the whole reason she's had to run.</p><p>'<em>I'm Ceaser Flickerman and it's five am on Panem Radio, for all of those who are awake like me, here's the classic song Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison from the titular film.'</em></p><p>Groaning, she falls back against the hard mattress of the bed, throwing her arm over her eyes whilst the other reaches over to turn the radio off. She'll sleep without the songs for tonight. That man has an obsession with those, but she certainly doesn't.</p><p>So, with a heavy heart and traitorous mind, Katniss Everdeen curls up into her pillow, hoping for once in her life she won't have nightmares.</p><p>As if that could ever happen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It Must Have Been Love – Roxette</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There's no wonderful and honest man who will sweep her off her feet and carry her to happily ever after. She's not even sure they exist anymore. For her, they don't. Though she wouldn't say no if a man in uniform wanted to sweep her off her feet and protect her, care for her, never hurt her and just...love her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me writing another chapter is very unusual because I have this horrific tendency to write things and get bored of them way too soon. But hey, I have muse for this and I have my friend Sophie just bugging me for more (joking, I love her).</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I wish I did as I would know Josh and Jen, and I would make / write like 20 more books because I need more Everlark just constantly.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>I wake up lonely, this air of silence, in the bedroom and all around...'</em></p><p>Katniss groans as she begins to shuffle out of bed, gasping when she almost falls on the hardwood floors, and she curses Panem Radio for waking her up so early.</p><p>She shouldn't, because if it weren't for that damn radio turning on at eight am every morning, Katniss would always be late for work. Stupidly, she's volunteered for every single late night shift and morning shift going since she began working for Sae.</p><p>It's only been four days, and yet she's exhausted purely based on how many hours she volunteering to work. But at least she enjoys it, sort of, and she can get to know the regulars who all seem to tip like they have millions in the bank. And, of course, she had never planned on working this many hours.</p><p>On her first day, she'd only been planning on working through the day until the night, but a sick waitress meant she'd had to step up and work until four am. She had anticipated a dull, boring routine, but then she'd met Peeta Mellark, and for some reason, she kept on accepting night shifts just so she could be his waitress.</p><p>Either she's very stupid or completely insane, but she's not sure which she would rather be. Then again, people say ignorance is bliss so maybe she would rather be stupid.</p><p>'<em>It must have been love, but it's over now...'</em></p><p>"Shut up!" She yells at the machine, turning it off with a smack of her hand against it, before her eyes catch sight of the time and she's sprinting out of bed.</p><p>With no time to do anything but shower quickly and get changed, Katniss doesn't bother with even the very minimal amount of effort she usually puts into making her hair look neat, and she rushes out the door after braiding it to the side.</p><p>Making it with five minutes to spare, she catches Rue- another waitress- giving her two thumbs up for being early for the first time since she started working there. In return, Katniss flips the bird at her before grabbing her pad and paper, intending on spending another long, long day working her own body silly.</p><p>Sae gives her the same section she has done for the last four days, and although she pretends to complain about working the same section for four days running, she spots Finnick and Annie, and they're people she tends to enjoy serving.</p><p>The pair greets Katniss with their usual, somewhat sunny, attitudes and she can't help but reciprocate even though she knows exactly what they'll both ask for. "Let me guess, coffee with extra sugar cubes, a tea and two helpings of pancakes?"</p><p>Finnick clicks, grinning wide as he nods. "Absolutely. See, she gets it. Sugar cubes because I'm not sweet enough."</p><p>Her eyes shoot to him, thinking of a very familiar blonde, the man that's been on her mind for the last few days, who used the same expression to describe himself when she first met him. This time, she doesn't laugh like she did with Peeta, but she does smile, shaking off that strange feeling.</p><p>She's heard that expression hundreds of times, so Peeta certainly doesn't own it. Not everyone who uses it knows one another.</p><p>"Ah, and how are you today, Finnick?" She asks, knowing the man loves attention almost as much as he loves Annie.</p><p>Practically preening at the attention, Finnick grins and throws his arm over the back of the horrible mustard coloured booth he's sat in. "I have a job I love, a girlfriend I adore and a waitress who can't resist me. I'm always good."</p><p>"He also has a huge head." Annie teases, before glancing up at Katniss with apology in her eyes. "We got a brand new mattress and Finnick hasn't stopped going on about it as if he picked it. He didn't. A colleague at his work got one, said it was amazing and Finnick decided to get one too."</p><p>Ah, the luxury of a comfortable mattress, a luxury Katniss herself hadn't been able to afford in years, but in the last four day's she's been exhausted from a mixture of an old, lumpy mattress coupled by crippling fear and night terrors. It's not the worst situation she's ever been in, so she can hardly complain too much, or at all. She'll take a lumpy mattress here over the bed she had in Twelve any day.</p><p>"You have to admit, he suggested the perfect mattress." Finnick points out, but holds his hands up in surrender like it's been a point of an argument since they got it and he doesn't want to start it up again. He's smirking, though, and by the look on Annie's face, a mixture of annoyance and passive aggressive happiness, he's probably right.</p><p>"Yes, he did." Annie agrees before looking back over to Katniss with a '<em>what can you do</em>?' expression. "Our old mattress went into the spare room...just so you know."</p><p>Thus, it begins again. The daily battle between the couple and Katniss over her living arrangements, happening every day that she's been in down so far.</p><p>For some stupid, irresponsible, reason, Katniss had accidentally told the pair of her living situation- being in Sae's Bed &amp; Breakfast for four days for free now- and Annie had gotten it into her head that she should move in with them. Every day she mentioned it, alludes to it or point blank asks her, and every day Katniss refuses.</p><p>It's a daily reminder. She's half tempted just to agree so she'll stop asking, but Katniss doesn't want to be a charity case, and it seems like that's what the offer is. <em>'Oh lets help the poor little woman from Twelve with no career prospects, no family and no friends!</em>'</p><p>That's not how she wants to be thought of, as a burden once again.</p><p>She's been a burden on so many other people's lives, and she likes the couple against her wishes, she doesn't want to be a horrible burden on them too. Despite the fact she knows she could pay her way, and that they would never think of her as one, she knows she would just be a massive mistake to them.</p><p>Katniss can tell that Annie is proud of their home, and she should be, judging by the two hundred photos she got shown when she made the mistake of asking. It is a sight to see, painted regularly with the most gorgeous sea-green shade, with a white fence surrounding to match. It's a large home, but not overly large to look too intimidating or daunting, but it's big enough to house them and a family one-day, with five bedrooms and four bathrooms, and offices they don't even use. It's clear that it isn't just a house to them. It's a home.</p><p>Katniss can't intrude into someone's home.</p><p>"The spare room. I'll keep that in mind." Katniss resists the urge to roll her eyes when Annie looks excited. It's hardly a yes, but four days on an awful mattress is enough to make any woman think twice. She doesn't eat breakfast or dinner, no long showers, as the water turns cold in minutes, no fluffy socks or fireplaces. All she has is just a bed, and a radio.</p><p>"Keep in mind." Annie grins at Finnick, and he gives her a thumbs up as if he cares, but Katniss can tell he probably just lets Annie do whatever she wants when it comes to their home, wanting her to be happy. "Because the offer will always be there. Besides, it would be nice to have some female company, it gets boring listening to the soccer matches all the time."</p><p>"Oh, then I'd be no help whatsoever. I watch the sports channel quite a lot, though I do like archery more than soccer." Katniss admits, unsure as to why she's even telling them this, but she is, and Finnick looks rather impressed though he keeps silent – which is unusual for him.</p><p>"Well I wouldn't mind that, but Finnick just puts it on, and then reads or goes in the pool but doesn't let anyone turn it off." She comments, glaring over at Finnick, who is giving her a look that screams '<em>why did you tell her that? I looked cool'</em>. "I think it could be a macho thing, maybe the guys at work mention it and Finnick thinks he has to know about it."</p><p>"I can honestly say that the 'macho thing' is pointless and irritating." Katniss tells them honestly, and she almost feels a fire in her, like the girl she used to be before she- it doesn't matter. "When guys try too hard to be a stereotypical man, it never ends well in my opinion." She admits and she sounds fed up even to her. She has to look away when Finnick gives her a side eye, staring at her with something that definitely makes her want to curl up and inhale her words.</p><p>He looks at her with concern, worry, and anxiety. That scares the shit out of her. She didn't mean to make him worry so much, it was meant to be a little quip, but she always forgets that a joke has to come from somewhere, from something that happened to her, and it seems like Finnick has twigged onto that too.</p><p>Maybe he's more like her than she originally realised, but its hidden behind bravado and confidence, giving him iron tight armour, so no one can ever hurt him.</p><p>Or maybe she's reading too much into it, and he's just concerned that he's been found out to not truly enjoy soccer.</p><p>Needing to steer their conversation somewhere else, she quickly grabs their menus. "I'll go put your food through the...thing. I'll grab it for you." She corrects before speeding off quickly, hating that look in his eyes. That stupid, irritating brotherly look that she knows he doesn't give anyone else, it's the kind of look girls like her dream of, just someone to care.</p><p>Within an hour, Finnick and Annie are gone, and Katniss is left alone with her thoughts, stood behind the counter polishing glasses with Rue stood beside her doing the same. The morning rush has faded, only leaving a few customers in the diner who have all been served, and another waitress, Glimmer, is serving one who hadn't been yet.</p><p>Usually, Finnick and Annie are a welcome distraction from the world, a way for her to just joke and laugh, not needing to reveal too much. But now she sees that their concern is coming at the cost of her getting close to them, and she's not sure she's ready for that.</p><p>"Are you gonna talk to me about what happened earlier?" Rue asks softly, her tone curious but not pressing as she finishes polishing a glass, holding it up to the light to make sure it's properly cleaned. "With Annie and Finnick."</p><p>"Probably not," Katniss states simply, wiping off a finger mark she accidentally left on a glass.</p><p>Rue is a small girl, barely twenty-one but wiser than Katniss in every day, with dark, almost satin looking, skin and hair, but in this moment, she looks far bigger than Katniss originally thought. But that's probably more to do with how terrified Katniss is of what happened this morning, unable to get that look Finnick sent her from her mind, and Rue wanting to speak to her about it is far scarier than anything else in her life currently.</p><p>"Sit." Rue points at the nearby table, forcing Katniss to put down her glass and move to the table. "Talk. Now."</p><p>Sighing, Katniss does as she's told, playing with the polishing cloth in her hands and avoiding looking at Rue as she knows if she does, it'll all spill out. "Finnick looked at me."</p><p>"He looked at you?" Rue asks, sounding confused, not being given much to go off. "In what way?"</p><p>"A concerned way." She states, trying not to give too much away, but it just seems like Rue isn't having any of it, and the younger girl crosses her arms. "I said something about men trying to be macho and how stupid it is-"</p><p>"Which it is, I wholeheartedly agree." Rue cuts her off, before waving her hand for Katniss to continue. "Carry on."</p><p>"I said it doesn't end well." She finally admits. "Maybe I made it too real or whatever it is the kids say nowadays, but he looked at me like a brother would. And I wasn't ready to have that yet."</p><p>"Why?" Rue asks, having no clue as to Katniss's past or why she turned up in Four out of the blue, but she does usually understand Katniss, being from the poorer part of a town not too far from Twelve, aptly named Eleven.</p><p>"No one has ever looked at me and just wanted to protect me."</p><p>"Finnick is that sort of man, protective and secretly loving beneath all that charm and arrogance. When I first came here, he was the one who knew Sae and managed to get me a job after he saw me crying on a park bench because my parents couldn't afford rent." Rue explains, and it makes Katniss almost feel a sense of protectiveness over Rue.</p><p>"He's nice to everyone?"</p><p>The thought of that being the case makes Katniss somehow both relieved and disappointed, hurt even. Relieved because at least then she doesn't have to worry about him always giving her that look, always being in her business and doing the silly thing of <em>caring</em> about her. Unheard of. But the hurt comes from finally having someone really give a shit about her and it all being naught. Maybe Finnick is just a nice person, and she's read too much into the look, there was noting brotherly about it.</p><p>"No. Just the people that deserve it." Rue quickly assures, her hand coming out and Katniss resists the urge to flinch. Seeming to see her reaction, Rue's hands sit back in her lap politely. "Whereas Annie is the nicest woman on the planet, so it's no surprise they've taken a shine to you. But I can tell they're trying with you, more than anyone else." She explains, making Katniss groan, twirling the polishing cloth in her hands until it curls up from the pressure. "They want to be your friend."</p><p>"I don't need them to be my friend-"</p><p>"Friendship isn't about need, or want. It's just about being there, helping out." Rue cuts her off, sounding almost irritated by Katniss's insistence on being alone. "We're colleagues, I know that, but I hope that in your head, you also know I'm your friend. There aren't that many people here in this town I like, but you're one of the very few who don't think of me like a girl instead of a woman."</p><p>Katniss gives her a short nod, knowing that most people probably saw Rue in one way, just like people used to see her back in Twelve. Rue understands, to some degree, of how she feels, and that's enough for now.</p><p>"You're one of the only people who has ever wanted to be my friend, so I guess we're even." Katniss replies, not knowing of what else she could say. Rue is kind, and funny, and if Katniss had any real intentions of settling down here then maybe she would be her friend. But she's running from her old life, desperately trying to get away and rid herself of the person she once was, and she doesn't think her running is over yet.</p><p>Rue seems to want to on a rant about how friendship isn't about getting even, but it's like she knows the words will be lost on Katniss. So instead of doing that, she nudges her foot under the table with her own, and the two share a smile before going back to work.</p><p>Over the next few hours, Katniss works herself into the ground, and the lunchtime rush has just finished, meaning she can finally get a well earned break, if only her remaining customers would hurry up and leave. She never finishes her shift or breaks until everyone she has been serving is gone, needing to collect their bills before Glimmer sneaks over and takes her tips.</p><p>Katniss sighs as she takes the empty plate from an elderly man, offering him her very best waitress smile before heading into the kitchen to place it in the washing. With a quick glance up at the clock, she could nearly cry when she realises she still had half an hour of her shift left before she can get a nap before her night shift.</p><p>She'll finish work at two; have eight hours until ten, where she'll then work until four am. It's doesn't seem that bad, not when you say it. But when you do it in real life, as she does, it's quite tiring.</p><p>But it's okay, mostly because everyone in Four seems to tip well and she actually enjoys being around her colleagues. Especially Rue, but that's a given.</p><p>There are far too many people to keep track of, in her opinion at least, but she's slowly learning the names and faces of everyone who works there. There's Delly and Madge who both tend to work the night-shift with her, meanwhile Enobaria, Glimmer and Cressida work the day shifts with her and Rue. Apparently, they have a cook named Johanna who is absolutely terrifying, but Katniss has yet to meet her, as she spends most of her time around the other chef, strangely named Brutus.</p><p>What's strange about it is the fact the man is a gentle giant, but could probably rip your head off in one smooth move.</p><p>As if he was summoned by being thought of, the very man himself pops out of nowhere, breaking Katniss's thoughts as he comes into view. "Katniss? You alright?" Brutus asks in a gruff, not sounding even half as intimidating as everyone says he does. Maybe she's just used to worse men.</p><p>"Yeah." She nods, taking a moment to herself. "I'll be fine."</p><p>Brutus seems to take her at her word, not bothering her anymore as he flicks on the radio beside him, clearly not wanting to have one of those 'horrible emotional conversations' and Katniss is definitely not planning on having one.</p><p>'<em>And it's a hard winter's day, I dream away...'</em></p><p>For someone who hates love songs, and the films that go along with them, she used to love the song playing, spending her adolescence watching the film it came from. She was born poor, grew up poor, and would die the same way, but the film had given her a weird sense of hope. Watching a film about a woman who was poor finding love, in albeit not amazing circumstances, and making something more for herself by the end, having dreams and aspirations other than just settling down, was empowering to young Katniss Everdeen.</p><p>To be a real life Julia Roberts film, that was her dream. Maybe it explains her life a lot, wanting to be a prostitute from a nineties film who falls in love with Richard Gere. Must explain why her life ended up being as dreary as it did.</p><p>Against her better judgment, she still has those dreams on the rare occasion she gets to have good dreams. Of being one of those women in rom-coms, maybe even one like <em>An Officer And A Gentleman. </em>But that's surely never going to happen.</p><p>Stupidly, Katniss always used to dream that she was the girl who worked in the factory, a little rough around the edges but with a pure heart beneath it all. She would daydream that she'd meet a man at a dance and fall for him, spending the rest of the night near the woods, as that's where she felt most at home, and exchanging stories, eyes full of love. But then it got dark, as most movies do, and the man would tell her he couldn't fall in love and that he wouldn't. But in the end, it would all be resolved, and the man would come back to her, lift her up in his arms. They'd walk off into the distance and that would be it.</p><p>But, in the end, it was only a movie, and it was only her dream.</p><p>There's no wonderful and honest man who will sweep her off her feet and carry her to happily ever after. She's not even sure they exist anymore. For her, they don't. Though she wouldn't say no if a man in uniform wanted to sweep her off her feet and protect her, care for her, never hurt her and just...love her.</p><p>But no man loves her, and she can't love anyone in return.</p><hr/><p>After her shift has finished at two, Katniss doesn't bother trying to eat or even listen to her radio, and instead heads straight back to her room at Sae's B&amp;B to take a much needed and well-deserved nap. Unfortunately, she wakes up three times screaming bloody murder during that nap, but she gets a solid four hours sleep, which will fuel her for the night-shift.</p><p>At ten pm on the dot, she's in the door of the diner, giving a quick wave to Delly, who greets her with a very well received coffee and kind smile. Delly is always like that, plainly kind throughout and nothing else. She doesn't have an ounce of malice in her, and if the world had more of her, the world would be a better place to live.</p><p>"You're going to kill yourself doing this." Delly reminds her somewhere close to the one am mark, tutting but saying nothing more, only fueling her colleague with coffee and pastries every so often.</p><p>Katniss barely hears her, her gaze focused on the door, as if she's expecting a monster to run in and kill them all. But no, what she's waiting for is far better than a monster. In fact, he's nowhere near a monster, at all, quite the opposite in her opinion, not that that's worth very much.</p><p>As the bell jingles, Katniss ducks down under the counter, before coming up and pretending to have picked something up, only to be disappointed by the sight of someone who is definitely not who she wanted. Letting Delly deal with them, Katniss nearly groans.</p><p>It's painfully obvious whom she's waiting for at this point.</p><p>Not wanting to seem like the lost puppy dog she very clearly is, Katniss focuses her attention on the tables that need cleaning, and grabs her trusty dishrag before walking over to the mess on the table.</p><p>Rubbing at a stain so hard it hurts her hand, Katniss misses the bell jingling, and it's not until she spots the very familiar blonde out the corner of her eye. Her head snaps up, but she tries to remain as casual as possible as she moves to the counter, making him his tea the way he likes it before bringing it over and placing it in front of him just as he settles into his usual booth.</p><p>"I'm that predictable, am I?" Peeta asks, chuckling softly before gesturing for her to sit down and join him.</p><p>Over the last four days, they've fallen into a steady rhythm where she's finally ballsy enough to sit down in the booth with him and Delly never says a word, but she gets the eyes across the room from her. The eyes being a look from Delly that says, when her mouth can't, <em>'ask him out'</em> that Katniss hates.</p><p>"A little." She shrugs. "But I suppose we all have our little routines." Katniss takes his offer, sitting down on the opposite seat to him with a small hum from the relief she feels from not being on her feet any longer. She feels the burn on her heels but it's easy to ignore when she has Peeta Mellark giving her a look of concern. "Feet."</p><p>It's explanation enough for him, as he gives a nod before moving on. "I suppose." Peeta muses on her words. "You're insightful this evening."</p><p>"I am, because in my short twenty-four-years of life," She subtly tells him her age, biting her lip in the hopes he caught it. "I've learned more then I should, thus meaning I am a treasure chest, and I hold secrets and little musings to make you think."</p><p>He chuckles softly and if that isn't the most gorgeous sound on earth, she doesn't know what is. "Well, in my slightly longer twenty-six years of life, I have learned that Katniss Everdeen never gets insightful unless she has to." She nods, knowing he's right, but he presses on. "So tell me what has made it so."</p><p>Normally, she wouldn't, but over the past few days, the pair has developed a little routine. One in which she tells him her problems of the day, never going into her past or anything particularly person, and he tells her his. Though he always seems to want to focus on her more, hating to take up time speaking when he could be listening to her, or so he says. She thinks he just wanted a free tea when he said it.</p><p>At around two am, Katniss knows that she'll have the drunks coming in from their night out, desperate for coffee and food to sober up before their wives find out. Normally she enjoys it, the drunken squad- as she's named them- but tonight she isn't at all ready to see them, wanting to remain sat across from him for a while longer.</p><p>Deciding she hasn't got much time to be mysterious and cryptic, Katniss shrugs before admitting the main cause of her insightfulness for the day. "Someone asked me to move into their spare room, since they know where I'm staying now and I think they're being a genuinely nice person."</p><p>Tilting his head, Peeta looks like he's heard this before, and it's strange to see him look confused when he's usually the one answering her questions, worries and problems of the day. "That wouldn't happen to be Finnick Odair and Annie Cresta would it?"</p><p>"The very two." She confirms, raising an eyebrow. "You know them?"</p><p>"I work with Finnick." He tells her, smirking for a brief second before he takes a sip of his tea, and when he puts it down, he has questions in his eyes before he speaks them aloud. "He told you about the mattress thing."</p><p>"You recommended the new one?" She asks, and when Peeta nods she can't help but roll her eyes. Of course Peeta would tell people about a brand new mattress, it's probably the most exciting thing that's happened to him in years. From their conversations, she hasn't learned much, but she has learned that he doesn't get out much because of his job, thus meaning a rather dull existence. "Okay, well then you know them, do you think I should do it?"</p><p>"I can't tell you what to do or make you do something you don't want to do but-"</p><p>Katniss scoffs, rolling her eyes at him, and the look of hurt on his face is enough to make her feel bad. "That's new." She mumbles, playing with her apron under the table, her eyes focusing on the mug in Peeta's hands. "I'm used to men making me do things I don't want to do."</p><p>The moment the words leave her lips and are out of her mouth, she knows she's said too much, revealed too much, and she's terrified he'll realise her friendship isn't worth the baggage she holds. But he doesn't get up, instead his face morphs into an all too familiar look.</p><p>It's too much like the look Finnick gave her earlier, slightly concerned and yet protective, a broken feeling to it, hurt by the thought of any harm coming to her. Except this look isn't one of a father, nor a brother, the look that Peeta gives her is the look of a man who wants to protect someone, someone he might even care about or loves, one she's never had before. Not really.</p><p>"You shouldn't be." Peeta states firmly, and the look remains, but it morphs into something akin to...anger perhaps. "You deserve much better than that. Don't ever doubt that. And whoever those men are, they don't deserve a place in your mind or in your thoughts."</p><p>"Thanks." She bites her lip nervously, realizing she's let too much go, and that it's time to go, it's time for her to close off. "But you have it wrong, I'm pretty certain I deserved it."</p><p>That's what she was always told, that she deserves it, that she deserved what she got. She deserved to be hit and scarred and burnt and forced and hated. She deserves to cry and hate herself. She deserves the night terrors that grip her every single day, forcing her to shoot out of bed screaming and sobbing for any kind of relief. Anything. But, Katniss Everdeen doesn't deserve anything, not in the eyes of anyone she's ever met, and even herself. She deserves a little hole in the ground, and that's it.</p><p>Every time she realises that, remembers it because sometimes she forgets and thinks she might actually be worth something, it breaks another piece of her. Just a little piece, because she isn't sure there is much left to break, but it hurts the exact same way it did the first time.</p><p>With that, Katniss makes her exist hastily, before she can do something stupid like cry.</p><p>Usually, when Katniss leaves the table and ends a conversation, Peeta accept it, but he doesn't seem to be able to leave this one alone, and when Katniss comes back with his bill as requested, his eyes are broken, torn and unsure. She hates that look, and it hurts her to remember she was the one who put it there.</p><p>"I won't say you're wrong, even though I do think you are," He begins, sounding nervous, and he pulls out his wallet so slow it's obvious he just wants to keep her for as long as he can so he can finish his musings. "I don't want to tell you how to feel or how to think, because if I did then I'm no better then those other men."</p><p>"Don't-"</p><p>"I'm fairly certain you're sick of the world being explained to you by men." He cuts her off, his tone gentle, clearly wanting to finish before she can disagree. "So I won't try to convince you of anything, but just so you know, I think you deserve better then what life has given you."</p><p>"Life hasn't given me anything." Katniss finally gives him more than a one-word reply, as she intended on doing to get through this. "Except scars and bruises and hatred." She states firmly, her voice strong even though she herself feels like crumbling to pieces.</p><p>Glancing down so she doesn't have to see the look on his face that she's expecting to see, the look of sympathy and pity that she despises, she's surprised when he stands up to face her, his finger gently- so, so gently it's feather light- pushing her chin back up so he can see her.</p><p>"I used to think the same thing." He whispers quietly, so quietly only she can hear, and she sends a silent prayer that no one else walks into the empty diner to disturb them.</p><p>"What changed?" Katniss asks, her tone sounding so lost, so desperate for an answer that she's disgusted in herself.</p><p>"I met you." Peeta answers, and the look in his eyes turns vulnerable, as if he's just realised how stupid he sounded, and he hates himself for it immediately. "And I guess I must see a friend in you or something..."</p><p>"You deserve a hell of a lot more of a friend then just me, trust me." She tells him firmly, and she moves away until she's at least a table length away from him, not wanting him to see the juvenile tears in her eyes. "You should not be friends with a person like me."</p><p>"A person like you?" He frowns, seeming so utterly confused that she hates him for not seeing how awful she is immediately. No, he'll draw it out and realise just when she really comes to need someone, and then it'll hurt two hundred times worse. "A really kind, funny, honest person."</p><p>Scoffing humorlessly, she folds her arms over her chest, not believing a word that comes from his mouth. "A broken, desperate little bird that will throw herself at anything so long as it gives her attention."</p><p>The look on his face is something she's never seen from Peeta before, closer to anger than she's ever seen. Peeta Mellark isn't an angry man, he's kind and generous and just all around good, without a single bad bone in his body, for him to be angry is truly an event, she knows that even after four days of knowing him.</p><p>But then she realises, he isn't mad at her. He's mad at her words, and how practiced and rehearsed they were, said exactly how they've been spat at her for years.</p><p>"Katniss," He begins, his tone calm even though he seems anything but. "I may not have known you for long, but I know you are none of those things. The person who told you that is the one who is broken, because they felt the need to hurt you as they did just so you wouldn't leave."</p><p>She knows she's revealing too much, and this is certainly not the time or the place, and that he has to go to work soon and she refuses to keep him away from that. Her pathetic little feelings can wait against people dying, even he would agree with that, though he wouldn't use those words.</p><p>"But I did leave." She whispers instead of saying anything else, and his face changes back into its usual kind, calming, expression. "Here to cause you trouble." She tries to joke, wanting to move away from the far too emotionally heightened moment.</p><p>It seems to work, as Peeta smiles at her, seeming happy to move on from the moment as it's clearly upset her too much. He just wants to make her smile, to make her laugh and make her happy. "I like trouble. Sometimes."</p><p>"Then we'll make a very good team." Katniss finally offers him a genuine smile, one reserved for Peeta and Peeta only, to which he returns it with his own uniquely beautiful one she can't help but think about all day.</p><p>"I'm counting on it."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay so that's me giving you guys another very long chapter, because I apparently can't help myself. Cool, thanks brain! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and if you didn't, still let me know. I take constructive criticism. I think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Don’t Want To Miss A Thing – Aerosmith</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"What on earth are you looking at?"</p><p>Katniss yelps; turning around so quick she's pretty certain she has whiplash. "Christ, don't do that!" She pants softly, staring at Rue, who just scared her into an early grave by coming up behind her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow, okay so both of the other chapters have been quite a lot of words, which was never my intention, but it happened, and so now my brain will be horrified and disgusted if I don't write that amount every single time. Oh whale. Also, I don't know if any of you have noticed, but all of these chapters start with a song relating to a 90s movie and the song remain the whole way through. If you noticed, I'm so happy! Today's movie is Armageddon, which is my favourite movie, and it means I am SO EXCITED to do this chapter. Your responses to this fic have filled me with joy! I can not thank you enough but I can try! Thank you!</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I wish I did as I would know Josh and Jen, and I would make / write like 20 more books because I need more Everlark just constantly.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>Lying close to you feeling your heart beating and I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing...'</em></p><p>Humming as she listens to the speakers in the diner, Katniss stares out of the window, her eyes just barely seeing past the blinds. She bites her lip as she watches something outside, a plate still held in her hand tightly as she leans over a table to look, one leg half in the air to keep her balance.</p><p>Her eyes are trained intently, following whatever it is outside, before a voice comes up behind her.</p><p>"What on earth are you looking at?"</p><p>Katniss yelps; turning around so quick she's pretty certain she has whiplash. "Christ, don't do that!" She pants softly, staring at Rue, who just scared her into an early grave by coming up behind her.</p><p>"Sorry, I forgot you were like a deer and can be easily frightened." Rue holds her hands up in surrender, before trying to get a look out of the window to see what Katniss was looking at. "So you're either looking at the guy looking through the wine stores bins, the fat pigeon or the scary Santa on the store across the streets roof."</p><p>"I'm looking at the man." Katniss tells Rue with a roll of her eyes. "But that pigeon is actually an ass." She brings the plate to the kitchen, placing it in the wash before heading back and beginning to wipe at the table, Rue not having moved from her position of watching the man outside. "He seems pretty desperate, skinny, and I'm sure digging through bins is never a good sign. I would know."</p><p>Rue frowns, pulling away from the window to help Katniss clean away the rest of the table, before the pair move over to the counter together, with Katniss grabbing a fresh cloth to clean down tables with and Rue going to clean the mugs behind the marble top. "He is probably just a drunk trying to escape his life, hoping that the bins have some leftover wine bottles. When they go out of date, the store throws them. He's always out there. We get that sometimes around Four."</p><p>"Really?" Katniss asks curiously, her brow rising.</p><p>Having been in the town of Four for two weeks already, she'd always considered it to be a friendly town, that the people were nice and tipped like they were going to die tomorrow. She considered Four to be a quaint place where nothing ever happens and everyone just swims all day until they can't do anything else, tall, tan and athletic.</p><p>It certainly doesn't seem like somewhere where people are so desperate for alcohol that they dig through bins.</p><p>Twelve was where that tended to happen more.</p><p>"Really." Rue confirms, turning her eyes to Katniss and frowning when she sees the look in her eyes. "No, you can't feel bad for him, he wouldn't for you."</p><p>"You don't know that." She argues quietly, mindful of the customers eating around them. She hardly wants to help him, but she recognises him from when she had first come to town, the older gentleman who had coughed for her attention before leaving because she took so long. "I know what rock bottom feels like."</p><p>"And yet you've managed to come back up." Rue points out, even though that couldn't be any further from the truth.</p><p>The truth is that the only thing that has changed for Katniss is her circumstances. Now, instead of being in Twelve and being beaten into believing she was worthless every day, she's beating herself up mentally with those thoughts, but now she has a job she enjoys more than before and although she has nowhere permanent to live, she's safe.</p><p>Of course, Rue doesn't know any of that. The only person she'd even given a sliver of her past to was Peeta, and she hadn't seen much of him in the past few days as he's been off work, coming in when she was on her break or on a different shift, always paying for her to have a coffee whenever she next came in but never taking credit- but Delly ratted him out to her.</p><p>"Yeah." She mumbles, ridding herself of those thoughts as she hears the familiar jingle of the bell on the door of Sae's Diner, revealing the new people to be Finnick and Annie.</p><p>Admittedly, she likes them. Much more than she'll ever admit to, but she does. She finds Finnick easy to talk to and able to make her smile, even when she's having an awful day, whilst Annie might just be the kindest woman she's met in her life, forever giving her home cooked meals under the pretense that she made way too much the night before.</p><p>"Katniss, Katniss!" Annie exclaims, rushing in and not even bothering to take off her coat as she leads her to sit down in a nearby booth, with Finnick following closely behind and sitting beside Annie, with Katniss opposite them. "We just ran into Sae, I'm so sorry."</p><p>Her eyes widen, and she frowns, confused as to what on earth they have to be sorry for. They're the only people she feels completely at ease with in Four, besides Peeta, but even with him she feels this constantly nervous energy. "Why?"</p><p>"You don't know?" Finnick questions, and when she shakes her head, he seems to backtrack, but Annie plows on ahead as if she didn't hear word.</p><p>"We just spoke to Sae and found out the owners of the building for the Diner and the Bed and Breakfast is putting the rent up. It means she'll have to switch to being open twenty-four-hours, but it also means that she can't rent you the room for free anymore. Didn't Sae tell you?"</p><p>In that moment, her building up of her life seems to crumble, and she realises how fragile her beginnings here really were. "I can't afford to pay for a room every night, why wouldn't she tell me?"</p><p>"I think she most likely meant to." Finnick interjects before Annie can put her foot in her mouth saying the wrong thing. "But we got to her first."</p><p>Leaning back on the seat of the booth, Katniss chews on her bottom lip, wondering what the hell she's going to do now. She knows one very clear solution, she even sees Annie gearing up to ask, but she hopes the words don't leave her-</p><p>"You can always have one of our spare rooms like we offered."</p><p>Nevermind, it's too late.</p><p>Knowing she should be grateful and not complain at them offering her a room, she can't exactly be a total ass here and refuse, especially now she'll have no place to go, no room to sleep in, going back to square one. It's not like she isn't thankful to them, because she truly is, but moving into their spare room in their home means being a burden, intruding in on them, and it means there is always a chance they hear her waking up in the night crying. She can't risk them knowing, she can't bring herself to speak about her past before she came here yet.</p><p>"I-" Katniss stops herself, considering her words carefully before she even says them, and she very quickly realises she needs to just get over her idiotic brain and finally accept the slither of help she's being offered. She might hate accepting it, but sometimes when you're at rock bottom, you need a helping hand out.</p><p>Finnick seems to understand more, his eyes are calmer, knowing almost, and if he didn't sprout out his life story to any Tom, Dick or Harry he met, she would think he's been through a similar situation as her. But he hasn't, and he's just someone who can sympathise, though she hates the pity.</p><p>Right now, however, she appreciates it more than he knows. But she knows there is only one clear answer she can give to Annie's offer.</p><p>"When can I move in?"</p><hr/><p>With ten minutes of her shift left, Katniss had been looking forward to waiting it out until she could go back to her room at the Bed &amp; Breakfast to collect her one small box of clothes she owned, all of them given to her by Rue and Delly, poorly fitting and old but she's thankful nonetheless. However, her plans got derailed when out of the corner of her eye, she spots a very familiar blonde walk in, his face morphing into a smile the second he sees her.</p><p>She might finish in ten minutes, but there is no chance that she's leaving until he does. She's missed him, not having seen him since a couple of nights ago, and she's felt like she's had separation anxiety from the man she's becoming far too attached to, far too quickly. She can't get him out of her head.</p><p>"Katniss," He greets, coming up to the counter she's behind, leaning his elbows on it, and she ignores the way his scent hits her nose pleasantly. Cinnamon and dill, like always. "I thought I had missed you, thank God I didn't."</p><p>"Mh, thank a deity I don't believe in, very smooth." She smirks as she begins to make his tea, just the way he likes it. "I haven't seen you in a few days." Katniss comments, pretending to be vague and unbothered, even though she's missed him more than she cares to admit.</p><p>"I had a couple of days off. Every time I came in here, you weren't." Peeta explains with a guilty look on his face, genuinely looking upset with himself for having missed out on seeing her for three days. Yes, she kept track.</p><p>"It's fine." Katniss shrugs, acting nonchalant as she places his tea down in front of him, taking the money he's offering as payment and ringing it through the till. She doesn't miss the way he slips a ten-dollar note across the counter her way, and if she weren't completely broke and hopeless, she would never accept it. But she is, and he would never take no for an answer, so she takes it.</p><p>"You seem vexed." He comments, a small frown on his face even as he sits in the stool by the counter, clearly not planning on separating from her any time soon, and she takes it as incentive to lean over the counter to speak to him, her elbows resting on it. "Care to share?"</p><p>Considering it for a long moment, she decides she has nothing to lose with telling him, and it's hardly giving away too much. If she didn't tell him, Finnick or Annie certainly would, seeing as he works with Finnick and the pair is friends. "I have to move out of the B&amp;B and into the room at Finnick and Annie's."</p><p>"Ah, so you finally caved into the offer and Annie's puppy dog eyes?"</p><p>"Something to that effect." She agrees, smacking her head with her palm as she realises that she might have just made a huge mistake. The pair will end up despising her before the week is up and will kick her out; she can see it happening already.</p><p>"And this has you strange because..." Peeta trails off, hoping she'll pick up the sentence and tell him her worries so he can ease them.</p><p>"I just hate the fact I won't have my own space, I didn't want to be a charity case, Peeta." She tries to lie, but he very clearly sees through it as he raises an eyebrow. "The room at Sae's was free but at least I worked for it, and I really was at the lowest point of the sea when I agreed." Katniss points out, making him nod slowly as if he completely understands her plight, and for some reason, she thinks he might. "I didn't see myself at this point in my life at my age."</p><p>"At least you're not dead?" He offers, trying to lighten her mood, and it succeeds in making her smile softly.</p><p>"Been close to it." Katniss deadpans, her tone low and her eyes clouding over, so she quickly shakes those thoughts away, hating that she keeps on revealing her past to him. He's just easy to talk to, that's all it is, but it doesn't mean she needs to tell him her whole life story. It's hardly a story you want to hear over lunch; even she wishes she didn't even have the past she does. She wishes she could wipe it all clean and start over.</p><p>"Katniss, I can say this and you're going to listen because I know you can't be bothered to go clean anything." She nods slowly, he's got that right at least. "You will get past this. This is just a tiny molehill, and in ten years time you'll look back and be so, so grateful that your old pal Peeta Mellark told you these words, very inspirational ones, words you will never be able to get over-"</p><p>"Which are?" She cuts him off, her tone clearly bored of his joking at this point, though she has a tiny smile across her face that says different.</p><p>"Buck up."</p><p>Of all the things she expected him to say, those two words were never on any list. Peeta is not the type to tell someone to just get over something, and he knows her well enough by now to know those aren't words to say to her.</p><p>"Excuse me?"</p><p>"Don't sweat the small stuff." He shrugs. "Hakuna matata. Worry about things that actually need to be worried about."</p><p>"You're not serious?"</p><p>"I am." He smiles, somehow still kind despite his words, and if he weren't so irritatingly handsome and earnest, she would punch him in the jaw. "You have had far worse in your life than this, and you have come out the other side, what makes you so dread filled about moving in with two kind people when you've had so much happen to you?"</p><p>It's official now that she hates him. Peeta Mellark is now on her hate list, one for being too attractive and two for being so honest and correct. He's still being kind and yet completely and utterly boldfaced honest with her, praising her whilst also telling her that bad things happen and you just need to keep plodding through.</p><p>"You did not just pull a <em>Lion King</em> on me."</p><p>"Ah, but I did." He gives her a strange three-fingered salute before gulping down some of his tea, not looking apologetic in the slightest.</p><p>"Maybe I can worry about something else then..." She taps her fingers on the counter, wondering whether or not she should mention the man she saw that morning. Deciding it can't hurt, she figures it's possible Peeta could even know him if he's been to the Emergency Room. "I saw man rummaging through the wine store across the roads trashcans."</p><p>"Long, dirty blonde, awful hair, thin, long stubble?" He questions, and at her nod he sighs. "That's Haymitch Abernathy, everyone calls him the hopeless town drunk. He's actually from Twelve like us."</p><p>Bingo. At least she knows she was right.</p><p>"Why doesn't anyone help him?" Katniss asks curiously, resting her chin on a closed fist, her elbow bended on the counter.</p><p>"People try, but he won't accept it. He's my neighbor." Peeta explains, a sad sort of look upon his face, and he scratches the back of his neck. "Don't let the trashcan diving fool you, he has more money than sense, but he's cheap and tries his best not to waste any alcohol."</p><p>Nodding slowly, Katniss watches him as he takes a long, drawn out gulp of his tea, and she averts her eyes when she realises she's been staring at his Adams Apple for far too long to be considered healthy. "But-"</p><p>Her words are cut off when a hand lands on the counter, perfectly manicured and looking as though the owner of it had just come back from a beauty salon. "Peeta Mellark." The flirty, seductive, voice of one Glimmer Barrows pipes up, making the pair glance her way.</p><p>To Katniss's horror, she looks perfect. Her usually straight blonde hair has been curled to perfectly, her pale skin having the perfect amount of make up to look natural and not at all cheap like some women do, whilst she's wearing some kind of crop top and shorts ensemble Katniss would never even dream of wearing.</p><p>To put it in simple terms, Glimmer looks every inch what Katniss could never hope to be. Stunning.</p><p>"Glimmer." He greets, before turning her attention back to Katniss as though nothing had interrupted them.</p><p>"You know, I haven't seen you here in a few days." Glimmer cuts across again, moving so that she covers Katniss with her own body completely, and it makes Katniss take a step back to avoid being stepped on or pushed aside. "We sure have missed you."</p><p>"Well, I apologise, I said to Katniss-"</p><p>"It doesn't matter." Glimmer cuts him off, obviously not wanting any mention of Katniss to be heard. "What matters is that your back, right?"</p><p>Unable to take Glimmers obvious flirting and Peeta's apparent cluelessness, Katniss glances at the clock, seeing its past her time to go, and heads out before anyone can stop her.</p><p>It's not until later, when she's placed her very last box, of the two she has, down in the spare room that is now and officially hers at Finnick and Annie's, that she allows her true feelings to be revealed, complaining to them as they make up the bed for her. The three have worked as a nice team, with them making the room up for her and Katniss stopping every few seconds to complain. It's good teamwork.</p><p>"And then Glimmer just pretended I wasn't there." She scoffs, beginning to place the small amount of clothes she had on hangers, watching Finnick try to put a duvet cover on and trying not to laugh.</p><p>"What a bitch." He huffs out, fluffing out the duvet before attempting to put the cover on, clearly more interested in making up the bed than the story, but at least he's trying to chime in. "If I didn't know any better, and I do, I would say you're displaying symptoms of apprehension, defensiveness and spite."</p><p>"In English?" She deadpans, her nose wrinkling. It's hardly a good guess at why she's mad, as she's usually one or two if not all three of those things on an hourly basis.</p><p>"Uh," Finnick taps his chin, thinking of the best way to say it. "Don't touch my Peeta syndrome, otherwise known as a touch of the green eyed monster, aka jealousy."</p><p>"What would I have to be jealous of?" Katniss crosses her arms, getting defensive already, and she hates that he had her so spot on.</p><p>"Well, from what you've just mentioned." He holds up a hand, and even Annie stops what she was doing to see what he'd say, before listing off things on his fingers. "Her nails, her body, her hair, her make up, her skin, and the fact Peeta paid her attention."</p><p>Frowning, her defense posture doesn't drop, and she chooses to ignore him, instead glancing over at the wall behind him.</p><p>"It's okay to be jealous, you know?" Annie reminds, taking over from Finnick to help with the duvet, as he's completely useless at it. "When another woman tries to flirt with a man you have feelings for, it can be scary and annoying and you wonder what to do, right?"</p><p>"I don't have feelings for Peeta."</p><p>A long pause enters the room, making Finnick and Annie glance each other before the pair sits down at the end of the bed in unison, wearing matching expressions of concern. "Oh, you didn't know?" Annie asks, seeming confused. "I thought you knew, given how often you mention him, think about him and just plain as day want to see him."</p><p>"He's my friend."</p><p>"So is Finnick, but do you think of him in that way?" Annie asks, making Finnick smirk as if he's expecting Katniss to blurt out a confession about loving him since she first ever met him.</p><p>"Not at all."</p><p>Finnick's face drops and he pouts, before getting over it quickly when Katniss glares, and he moves back to the original point. "Katniss, we all know you've been through something you don't want to talk about, which is fine and we won't push you. But, we can all see how very clearly you feel about Peeta, you like him, and it scares you."</p><p>Swallowing thickly, Katniss shakes her head, refusing to accept that she could ever be scared of something as trivial as liking someone. It's been too long since she liked anyone, and even the word sends a jolt of pure terror through her veins.</p><p>"Peeta is very nice, I like him, and he's handsome, and kind, which helps." She coughs once, as if it'll change the subject, but Finnick and Annie still stare at her intently. "But, he wouldn't be interested in someone like me. I'm hardly girlfriend material, especially not girlfriend material for a handsome, kind, funny doctor." She states, thinking for a moment about how all she did in that ramble was compliment him, but she tries not to read too much into it.</p><p>Thinking that'll be it, she folds a t-shirt, but the pair are still staring at her as though she's not done. And so, hating the awkward silence, she continues as if she has no filter. "I mean, it's not like I'm looking for a boyfriend, or even interested in having one, but I- Peeta would be…he seems like he'd be a good man to be around and maybe date one day? I don't know. "</p><p>Nodding to herself, she turns as if that's the conversation finished with, but immediately turns back to face them again. "It's been a long while since I did the dating thing and I wasn't very good at it before anyway, useless in fact or so he-doesn't matter." Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she decides to reveal the smallest amount of her past, even if it's only so that they'll leave her alone. "The last guy I dated I ended up being...not so great and that ruined the novelty of it. I don't think I'm ready to go back to that-"</p><p>"Katniss?" Annie cuts her off before she can continue to make a complete and utter fool of herself, making Katniss glance up from where she's folded the same shirt ten times with nerves. "Ask him out."</p><p>"He wouldn't say yes." She swallows, and it's clear to the couple what her fear the whole time has been. "Glimmer is offering herself up like a platter, I'm hardly much compared to that."</p><p>"Compared to what? Fake blonde hair extensions, fake nails, and a fake personality to match?" Finnick wrinkles his nose, making his thought on Glimmer quite clear. "Peeta would never want that."</p><p>"He wouldn't want me either, trust me. I'm hardly girlfriend-"</p><p>"Material, yes, yes, no, no, whatever. You've said that very clearly." Annie moves her hand like a mouth, mimicking Katniss and her silly excuses for not going for a man she likes. "Just ask him out. If he says yes, he says yes. If he says no, you don't need him. But he might be a nice guy to at least try dating. For all you know, he could be the next Prince Charming-"</p><p>"Urg, why the fairytale references?" She rolls her eyes; throwing the shirt down back into the box it came from, sick of attempting and failing to fold it. "Life isn't a fairytale, us of all people know that."</p><p>"Well what would you prefer?"</p><p>Shrugging and placing her hands on her hips, she sighs as though the conversation is sucking the life out of her. "I don't know." Katniss mumbles, acting like a fifteen year old not getting their way with their parents. "What's the one about the baker and the ugly sister?"</p><p>"You're not the ugly sister." Annie nearly growls, shocking Katniss as the redheaded woman is usually so softly spoken and kind. "But fine, maybe he's your handsome, kind baker who gets your away from the clutches of your evil stepmother?"</p><p>Tapping her foot on the floor, Katniss groans before throwing her hands up in surrender. "Fine! If it will shut you both up, I will ask the gorgeous, blonde baker out, but I'm doing this for you."</p><hr/><p>Glancing in the window of the diner, Katniss steels herself, knowing she wasn't meant to be working the night shift for the first time since she started there, but she knew Peeta would be there as he was back at work. She just hopes no one recognises her and tries to interrupt them.</p><p>With a final glance into the compact mirror Annie gave her, Katniss decides to just go for it.</p><p>She hadn't done anything special, except for maybe take extra time doing her braiding of her hair and putting it into a crown on her head instead of down the side, and maybe she let Annie put a little make up on her. But that's normal for most woman, so she hopes Peeta won't think it's took much as she usually doesn't bother this much.</p><p>Putting the compact mirror away, she steps into the diner, knowing Peeta sees her when he smiles wide and waves her over. Of course, she heads over before she loses her nerve, but the second she does, she runs into Glimmer just as she reaches his table. "Oh."</p><p>"Sorry, Katniss." She apologises, not sounding sorry at all as she turns her full attention to Peeta, turning her back on Katniss an effectively cutting her out of any kind of conversation with Peeta. "Anyway, Peeta, I'm so glad I ran into you again."</p><p>"You are?" He asks, and as Katniss comes around Glimmers back to see him, she notes his raised eyebrow and confused expression. "Why?"</p><p>"Well, I wanted to ask you something." The blonde begins, laying a hand on the sitting mans arm, her fingers brushing over his sleeve. "I have a free weekend on the planner from work and I know a nice restaurant we could go to, so I was wondering if you would maybe like to go out with me?"</p><p>"Oh, that's...kind of you to think of me." Peeta stutters briefly, and Katniss feels her heart shattering into pieces, just knowing he would say yes. Who could resist a practical goddess throwing herself at him? "But, I'm going to have to decline."</p><p>"What?" Katniss asks, shocked, before realising she shouldn't even be part of the conversation, and given the glare Glimmer sends her, she isn't wanted either.</p><p>"What?" Glimmer plasters on a fake smile, rearranging her stance. "I'm confused. I'm asking you on a date."</p><p>"And I'm politely declining." He frowns, seeming to hate rejecting her, as if it goes against some kind of gentleman code he has, but he's very clearly not interested in her. "I just don't think it's a good idea."</p><p>Scoffing, Glimmer glares at him, then Katniss, and she seems to notice that Katniss has put in some sort of effort. "Oh, no way." She breathes out with a smirk on her face. "You're on a date with her?"</p><p>"No, of course not." Peeta states, and Katniss tries to ignore the way her heart just crushes once more.</p><p>Of course he's not on a date with Katniss. Why would he ever turn down Glimmer for her? He probably has women lining the streets to go out with him and she's nothing but a blip on the radar. It's the certainty in his voice when he said it that gets her the most, and she swallows thickly to hide the hurt she feels.</p><p>She's such an idiot. What on earth made her think she even had a shot with him? Because he paid her a single morsel of attention, she's like a dog with a bone, a puppy chasing him so pathetically it's not even funny. He was right, the man she's running from was completely right about her and it's breaking every part of her to remember it.</p><p>All she is, is a broken little bird desperate for anyone who will pay her a scrap of affection, clinging onto them and following them like moths do to light. She doesn't know why she thought this would be any different, and that's fine.</p><p>"Oh, no, you know what, you're right." Glimmer eyes her up and down, taking in the second hand shirt and jeans coupled with a pair of ratty flats that were the best she owned. "There's no way you two would date."</p><p>"Yeah." Katniss looks away, trying to figure out what to do without looking like a complete idiot. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, because she is an idiot, and she should act like one too.</p><p>With that in mind, she turns on her heel and rushes out of the diner before she can do something stupid like cry.</p><p>She doesn't stop when she's out of the diner, not caring how much her feet kill her and her heels burn, and she only finally comes to a halt once she's within the safety of her new room at Finnick and Annie's, thankful they gave her a key.</p><p>As if they know not to go in, the pair leave her be despite the fact they must have heard her run in and slam the door behind her by accident, in her haze to just get away. But after an hour of being alone, having ripped off the nicest clothes she owned and exchanged them for a plain black tank top with some rolled up old grey joggers that belonged to Delly's father, who in turn gave them to Delly and now Katniss owns, there's a tiny knock on her door.</p><p>"Come in." She calls quietly, her voice hoarse from disuse, and she isn't sure if she's been heard until Finnick's head pokes through the door, followed by a plate of cookies like a peace offering.</p><p>"Permission to enter?" He asks, and when she nods, he comes in, closing the door so their talking doesn't disturb Annie. "She's watching some old film, I didn't have the strength to pretend to enjoy it tonight." He explains as she sits up. "I mean-" He suddenly stops, his eyes zeroing in on her.</p><p>"Finnick, what?" She asks, before glancing down at where the cover has fallen from her shoulders, revealing the scars littering her chest, usually covered by her clothes, but the lower cut of the top she's wearing reveal. "Sorry." Katniss tugs the cover of the bed up, hiding her top half efficiently.</p><p>"What happened?" He asks, and it's abundantly clear he's not just speaking about that evening.</p><p>"Nothing, Finnick, please don't ask-"</p><p>"I'm asking." Finnick states simply, not giving her an option to argue against him, and his true big brother instincts are out in full force. "How did you get those?"</p><p>Trying to avoid the question, she reaches out and grabs a cookie from the plate he's offering, biting into it and pretending it's far chewier than it is to distract him. "No big deal." She tells him over a mouthful of cookie, even though it's a huge deal, the biggest deal, the reason she ran from home and came to Four. "I had a bad ex."</p><p>"Bad as in abusive?"</p><p>She flinches at the term, hating to think of herself as ever being one of those women people feel sorry for, the women who are so stupid and weak to end up trapped. But that's exactly what she is and she can't escape that. "Guess so." She murmurs, which makes Finnick physically take a seat on the chair by her bed, his expression akin to rage.</p><p>"Be honest with me," He starts, closing his eyes as if it pains him to even ask. "Is he why you're here?"</p><p>It takes a long, long minute of silence before she gives a short nod, hating that she had to admit it. "Yes, just...please move on, please, I don't want to talk about it."</p><p>Finally seeming to accept it, he nods, and his hand grabs a cookie like it'll fix the whole worlds problems. It seems to keep him calm at least. "Fine. Care to discuss what happened this evening instead?"</p><p>"Nothing happened."</p><p>"Katniss-"</p><p>"No, seriously." She stops him before he can use the warning tone on her, the one that gets her to reveal all her secrets even when she truly doesn't want to. "Nothing happened."</p><p>"But then why-"</p><p>"Finnick, I'm serious." She glares, her tone making it very clear she's done with the conversation. "Thank you for the cookies, but I don't want to talk about it and I would appreciate being left alone. Please."</p><p>Her tone seems to have shocked him, seeing as she's always tried to remain friendly, and though she attempted using her manners, it didn't exactly come off nicely and he knows it's best to leave her be. So, with a sigh, he stands, sending her one last glance before leaving the room, making sure the door is closed behind him.</p><p>After a while of staring intently at the door, feeling awful for how she spoke to him but not being ready, not feeling ready, not even feeling stable enough to speak normally let alone about her evening or the past, her awful past she's so desperate to forget, she reaches out to turn on the radio by her bedside.</p><p>This radio is new and fancy, programmed to wake her up on time instead of at weird hours at night but somehow always managing to make her late for work. She hates it all of a sudden, feeling awful for ever insulting her old radio, the trustiest thing she's ever been able to use. It was old and barely working, but it did work, and she knows she's either broken or tired or both to be getting emotional over a radio.</p><p>'<em>Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing...'</em></p><p>Sighing, Katniss places the plate of cookies on the bedside table, hating how good they tasted, making her feel better and comforted even though she's upset and mad and horrified and embarrassed at the same time.</p><p>She flops down to lay in the bed, pulling the covers over her and trying to will herself not to cry, just wanting one night where she won't wake up sobbing. Just one.</p><p>But she knows that isn't possible.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow, this is a goddamn Greek tragedy. Please someone notice the quote from the one and only Armageddon aka where the song from this is from. I'm actually really enjoying my use of lyrics and songs here, though all of you will probably hate it. I'm still doing it. Also, I am completely bowled over by the love that this fic has been getting, and I am so eternally greatful to all of you for letting me know what you think and for taking the time to do so! Thank you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Kissing You – Deseree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Permission to enter?" He asks, just as he did the night before when she had been upset. "I bring a peace offering for the enemy lines."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In keeping with my apparent theme of having a 90s movie and the song remain the whole way through, this chapter has a song from Romeo + Juliet so I'm hoping you lot go and listen to it whilst reading.</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I wish I did as I would know Josh and Jen, and I wouldn't live where I do cause I could live in a mansion on a cliffside or something.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall...'</em></p><p>Katniss reaches over to turn the radio off before it can continue, definitely not in the mood to be interrupted on her day off.</p><p>She hasn't left her bedroom since the night before, when she'd made a complete fool of herself and thought she'd had a shot at asking Peeta out, only to be beaten to the punch by Glimmer Barrows who was rejected right in front of her, only for the woman to assume that her and Peeta were on a date, and his response being 'of course not'. Which ultimately led to Katniss fleeing before her heart could be ripped out any further.</p><p>Though she may not have left her bedroom, she hasn't slept a wink, and her night was tormented by terrors, leaving her to still be awake and watching movies from the nineties even as she hears Finnick and Annie get up to start their separate days.</p><p>Annie is up first, seeing as she works at the local primary school and has to start early, and there are the sounds of her making breakfast and coffee loudly, like she's trying to alert Katniss and Finnick to the food being prepared. Finnick responds, bounding down the stairs like a cheetah hearing they can get an easy, good feed, but Katniss doesn't move from her place curled up in bed.</p><p>As much as she loathes admitting it, the bed that Annie and Finnick have in their spare room, now Katniss's room, is the most comfortable thing she's ever laid on. Though she hasn't slept on it, she knows it'll feel like a dream when she does.</p><p>For now, curling up with a blanket covering her whole body, the TV on the wall playing a movie about a man and a woman falling in love and having and affair whilst her dull, loveless, husband is away, is enough for her. It's enough that she managed to grab the remote from the bed and turn on the movie, something called <em>The Bridges Of Madison County </em>that she's never even heard of or seen before.</p><p>Half way through, though, she grabs a cookie left behind from last night and throws it at the TV, scoffing at how unrealistic it is a woman in a loveless marriage could find love. "Unrealistic!" She hollers at the TV, upset that she's wasted a perfectly good cookie too.</p><p>"No one meets a broken girl and loves her!" She yells, before grabbing the closest thing to her, a pillow, and throwing it at the television. How it doesn't fall off the wall is a mystery even to her, and she's the one who is throwing items or food at it. "No one loves a broken girl." She mumbles quietly to herself, grabbing the remote control and turning it off before the movie can upset her anymore.</p><p>Flopping back on the bed, Katniss counts the patterns on the ceiling as she's trying to calm her irritated mind down. "One, two, three...oh four, how interesting. Not." She grumbles, clearly not in the mood for any of this, wishing she were sleeping instead of awake and miserable.</p><p>A knock on her door makes her glance over to it, before calling out for the mystery person to enter, and she could groan when she sees Finnick holding a plate full of food. She wants to tell him to go away, but this is technically his home and he's being kind, and her stomach is rumbling so loudly he would never believe that she truly wants him gone.</p><p>"Permission to enter?" He asks, just as he did the night before when she had been upset. "I bring a peace offering for the enemy lines."</p><p>"Permission granted." She sits up, holding the covers close to her chest to avoid a repeat of the night before when Finnick had seen the scars covering her skin, and she had had to admit to how she got them, or at least, she admitted some of why she has them. "On the condition you brought bacon."</p><p>"I did." He confirms, coming to sit on the end of her bed and placing the food down, a standing tray holding it neatly as if Annie would kill him should he allow any food to go on the clean, white sheets only provided yesterday. "Bacon, eggs, sausage, toast, everything a broken hearted girl needs, or so Annie said. I suggest ice cream but she said apparently 'eight am is too early for that' but I think it's a lie." He holds his hands up as if it's never too early, seeming offended Annie ever suggested such a ridiculous notion.</p><p>"I wouldn't know as I've never had it." She shrugs. Her life never allowed for luxury items such as ice cream, not growing up in the poor household she did or when she had been with-</p><p>It doesn't matter. It never does.</p><p>But to Finnick it does, as he gasps like he's been insulted in the worst way. "Never had ice cream? That hurts, Everdeen, that hurts me deeply." He steals a piece of bacon from her plate just as she goes to dig in, and if looks could kill, the glare she sent would have him six feet under. "Now, I provided food so you can tell me about your night."</p><p>"Nothing-"</p><p>"So help me God, if you say nothing happened when something very clearly did happen one more time, I will never bring you food again and I will take away this food from your mouth." He warns, but his tone is teasing, warm and gentle, having no real heat to it like he knows an actual warning would only scare her away.</p><p>His tone, however, works. After shoving a piece of bacon in her mouth, she chews thoughtfully and waits until she's swallowed before telling him anything. "I didn't ask him on a date."</p><p>"Chicken out?" He frowns, assuming it like it's something she always does.</p><p>"No, I-Glimmer asked him out before I even could." Katniss informs him, her somewhat beginning to pick up mood immediately dissipating at the memories of the night before.</p><p>Beautiful, stunning, gorgeous Glimmer Barrows had asked out Peeta Mellark, the kindest, most handsome and charming yet somehow calm and insecure man she's ever met. And she had been turned down. Glimmer, perfect Glimmer with no baggage and no scars, no past to hinder her, a woman perfectly capable and deserving of love. Well, in Katniss's mind, her being turned down meant that she certainly had no chance.</p><p>Glimmer had on the most form-fitting, sparkly dress that suited her perfectly, with dazzling white teeth and painted red lips, her make up done to the nines and her whole form was just...perfect.</p><p>How could Katniss Everdeen ever compare to her?</p><p>Especially as she herself had turned up in second-hand clothes that weren't hers, her hair in a braid she'd spent nearly an hour working on that was no place near as good as Glimmer's hair looked- curled expertly- and barely any make up on. She didn't even compare to Glimmer, she couldn't if she wanted to. Glimmer is unrivaled, everything about her screams class and sophistication, suitable to go on a date with a doctor such as Peeta.</p><p>There's a reason Katniss Everdeen isn't. And it's hurtful but honest when she admits it to herself. She just doesn't deserve someone like him, pure and simple. He deserves far better, far nicer, prettier, well educated than her. Someone who doesn't fall asleep crying, wakes up screaming and scowls all day. Someone who has smiles to spread and kindness coming out of their pores, who can love him with everything they have, someone who he would be proud to introduce to his parents.</p><p>Katniss has only her high school education, no people skills, no future, no hope, a broken body and broken mind to boot. She's not someone who gets shown off or taken to nice restaurants or who would stand beside him comfortably or who parents enjoy meeting. She's nowhere near as superior as Peeta Mellark, or Glimmer Barrows, and it's killing her.</p><p>She's just a broken, pathetic little bird. Just like she's been told she is for years, and she knows he was right. She is pathetic and too desperate and clings onto anyone who shows her even a speck of human kindness.</p><p>"Peeta said yes to Glimmer Barrows?" Finnick questions, pulling her from her thoughts, and she shakes her head quickly. "Peeta said no to Glimmer Barrows?" She nods, making him hum as if he's thinking.</p><p>His thinking gives her a chance to eat, trying to push away her own awful thoughts, her own hatred of herself and her body, her mind, her life. It allows her to finish her plate, wiping her hands on a napkin he had placed on the tray with the food, and a chance to figure out what to tell him.</p><p>"He said no to Glimmer, and she asked if we were dating when she saw how I was dressed." She explains in a quiet tone completely unlike herself, the tone she used to have permanently in Twelve, the one that attracted no attention- attention she didn't deserve but apparently adored, or so her ex had told her. "He said of course not."</p><p>Staying silent for a long minute, the seconds dragging on and making her feel tiny as Finnick just stares at her blankly. "Oh, is that...the whole story?"</p><p>"I ran out."</p><p>With a groan, Finnick falls to lie on his back on her bed, his eyes moving to the ceiling and his hands covering his face. "Pillow?" He takes one when she offers it, shoving it against his face and screaming quietly. After a few seconds, he passes her the pillow back, before sitting up and pretending nothing happened. "Are you-are you insane?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Peeta <em>rejected</em> Glimmer." He states, like it makes all the sense in the world. "He saw you, you were stood there, and he rejected probably the most beautiful woman in this town, bar Annie and yourself, or so most the men in Four think."</p><p>"Exactly." She crosses her arms, her eyes showing her confusion, and she doesn't understand what angle he's trying to make her see, what he's seeing or how he's thinking. "He rejected the most gorgeous woman in this town, a woman that men would fall over themselves to be with. Why on earth would he say yes to me?"</p><p>"Because he wants you." Finnick tells her, like it's obvious and she should know this by now, spacing out the words one by one. He doesn't truly believe that does he?</p><p>"Why would anyone who has someone beautiful and smart and funny like Glimmer end up wanting me?" She asks, her tone sad and disheartened, and her arms uncross to make her cover fall slightly, the scars on her chest that he saw the night before on show once more, and she resists the urge to cover them. "I am not beautiful, I'm not smart like her, I haven't got a future and she's perfect."</p><p>"Because he doesn't want Glimmer, he said no!" Finnick exclaims, his eyes showing anger she's never seen before in him, telling her that her words have affected him more deeply than he's admitting. "Doesn't that tell you she's not his type?"</p><p>Choosing to ignore possibly ever word in his sentence, she continues, revealing far too much of her true emotion, and she hates herself for being such a stereotypical girl in a movie, fawning all over a man and being heartbroken. This is truly pathetic. "But I'm not her. I will never be like her." She tells him, hating how her eyes cloud over with tears she won't allow to fall.</p><p>"He doesn't want her!" Finnick exclaims, and he couldn't be any clearer if he tried, in his mind, but it doesn't seem to go in for Katniss. She doesn't get how someone wouldn't want Glimmer, a person she deems as purity and beauty in their truest forms.</p><p>"Why?" She whispers, her bottom lip quivering, and she almost lets her tears fall, managing to catch one and swipe it away roughly before Finnick can see it.</p><p>"Because, Kat, Peeta Mellark would never want a Glimmer Barrows. He wants a Katniss Everdeen, and that's you!" He nearly yells, but takes a long pause as if he's trying to collect his thoughts, collect his emotions and remain calm, not wanting to scare her away. "I have known Peeta for years, I have seen him happy, seen him sad and broken and I can honestly tell you that since you two met, he has never been so happy at work."</p><p>"That might have nothing to do with me." She tries, but he cuts her off before she can make excuses again.</p><p>"Maybe. But I know him." Finnick states, and it seems to go in at least a little because Katniss doesn't say a word back. "He talks about you any time he gets a chance, he tells me how much he loves your one am conversations and how seeing you smile, making you laugh and knowing he's the reason that happened is the best feeling in the world. He tells me his whole day can depend on seeing that smile."</p><p>"Now you're exaggerating." She rolls her eyes, but her toes are curled under the sheets like his words might actually be making sense, and she can't help but think how it sounds like something silly and emotional and romantic that Peeta would say.</p><p>"No, I'm not, Peeta really is that sappy." He jokes, and she finally cracks one of her rare smiles. "Maybe I have it wrong, but I know in my head that Peeta doesn't get like this about a random, awful woman. He's had a hard time, and I don't know if you two have ever discussed your pasts but I really hope you do. Because I think you would be good together, you'd help one another heal, to grow and support one another." He tells her, his tone wistful, and it's possible he's thinking of Annie, and their bond, how much he loves her. "Plus, you are worth a lot more than you think you are."</p><p>"I'm really not." She shrugs, accepting it as her fate, and for some reason, she takes the plunge, admitting the smallest amount of her past to him. "I'm not pretty, I know that, I'm plain and I have no redeeming features, that's what he always said. And I have no career or future, nothing to be proud of, and I'm no good at anything. I break everything I touch, make them feel bad and hurt them."</p><p>Taking a moment to remember every hateful word she can remember being spat at her while she was cowering in the corner or sobbing on the floor, her heart breaks, knowing it all to be true. "I'm a pathetic, broken little bird who latches on to anyone or anything that gives me attention, even when they hurt me. Because I just want someone. Now try telling me Peeta deserves someone like that."</p><p>Finnick scowls, and she wants to make a joke that he's doing her usual thing, taking away the one thing she's good at, but he doesn't seem like he'd appreciate it much. "I don't ever want to hear you say those things about yourself again, got it?"</p><p>It's a statement, not a question, and he sounds so angry, so rage filled, that she's shocked at how calm his outward demeanor is, as if nothing is happening. He's not asking her to never say those things again; he's telling her that she won't. It's fine, she can think them instead, and she doesn't intend to have a conversation like this ever again, especially not with Finnick.</p><p>"Okay." She whispers. "Never again."</p><p>Agreeing is far easier, and whether or not he believes she won't is irrelevant given the way he takes the now empty tray and stands up, heading to the door and leaving her with her thoughts.</p><p>It seems even Finnick Odair can tolerate so much. And she must have said something that got to him, as she's never seen him so serious or so quiet.</p><hr/><p>She thinks, for a very stupid while, that she's managed to get away with being left alone, but after managing to catch a power nap for two hours, she wakes up to her phone blaring her ringtone and an offer of double pay if she comes in on short notice to close the diner with Delly that night.</p><p>Of course, she agrees, and she leaves Finnick and Annie's at ten like usual, her uniform and apron on, only to be greeted by a very solemn looking Peeta Mellark at the door of the diner.</p><p>Ah. It seems he must have noticed her running off, not that it wasn't obvious, and somehow known she'd come in to do the closing shift, someone must have ratted her out and she can guarantee it was Finnick, if his silence earlier was any indication.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" She asks, stopping a little less than two feet from him, her back straight and legs ready to rush inside should he say the wrong thing.</p><p>"You're upset."</p><p>"Well done, Captain obvious, nice speaking to you." She scowls with her sarcasm, before she notices the hurt expression that comes on his face, and she immediately feels awful for hurting him, especially because she had meant to hurt him with her words. "Sorry-"</p><p>"No-" He cuts her off gently, holding out a hand and stepping closer, but it just makes her flinch, stepping away like she was expecting a hit. In truth, she would have deserved one, and she should just take it like usual, but she didn't want to. Not from him. "Katniss, you should never have to apologise, I should. I should really apologise for getting Sae to fake hire you this evening, as I realised after you agreed it was quite stupid."</p><p>"You what?" She glares, her eyes angry. She had needed the money from working tonight, and it isn't like she was planning on sleeping.</p><p>"Sorry, I apologised, you can't get mad." He holds up his hands in surrender, before gesturing to one of the seats outside for them to go to, and he sits on the chair opposite the one he gestured to.</p><p>Sighing quietly, Katniss pokes her tongue in her cheek as she moves to sit down, crossing one leg over the other as she crosses her arms, her expression closed off and guarded, but her eyes are sad, and he seems to notice that if his own face tells her anything.</p><p>"I shouldn't have said of course not when Glimmer asked if we were on a date, it came off as rude." He tells her, leaning forward on his knees as he gives her a small smile. "I just didn't want to scare you off, because I turned her down and then lying by saying we were dating is wrong, but it came out wrong. I didn't mean to make it sound like I would never date you, because trust me, I certainly would-"</p><p>"You would?" She cuts him off, her eyebrows furrowing together at his words. Of all the things she thought he would have said to her, telling her he would date her definitely wasn't on her list.</p><p>"Well, of course I would." He smiles, seeming confused as to how there would any be any doubt about that. "I wanted to ask you on a date the minute I met you, but that's not what you want and I'm happy to respect that. Getting to be around you is enough for me."</p><p>"It is?"</p><p>"It is." Peeta confirms, and he must see the expression on her face as he pauses, unsure of what to say or whether or not to continue. His mouth decides for him, running away with itself as he continues to speak. "Katniss, you're exceptional."</p><p>Scoffing, she rolls her eyes, and if she didn't think he was lying before, he very clearly is now. No one has ever described or thought of her as exceptional, not even her own mother. She's everything but exceptional.</p><p>"No, don't do that." He frowns, looking offended that she would doubt herself. "Katniss, you're the most beautiful, intelligent, kind, strong woman I have ever met in my life. I know you don't like to be complimented and you just turn these away but I mean them. I meant it when I say you're perfect-"</p><p>"Peeta, I'm none of those things." She whispers, her defensive posture dropping, and instead she curls in on herself like she's terrified of his praise. "You're just saying it because you're worried you'd offended me, it's fine, we're still friends."</p><p>"I'm not!" He exclaims, and it's the first time that Peeta has ever raised this voice like that at her, making her flinch back in her chair. He immediately calms, seeing the look of fear in her eyes, and he hates himself for putting that look there. "I don't lie, especially to you, I swear to you that I am always, have always been and will always be honest to you."</p><p>Katniss frowns, still not believing him but knowing he's not the type to lie, everything is just confusing her. Her mind tells her one thing, he tells her another, and she doesn't know what to think. "Why would you think those things about me?" She asks, her voice quieter than it's ever been around him.</p><p>Not having an answer, he shrugs. How can he know why? He just feels the way he feels and thinks what he thinks about her. There's no way to describe it or explain it. It is what it is. "Because I do. Do I need a reason?"</p><p>She nods. Everything needs a reason, and he would only say these things now to make her feel worthy, make her feel like she's more than the piece of shit on the floor she is, before tearing it all away the second he has what he wants from her. It's what everyone does; it's what she's used to. She just never thought he would do that to her. Not him.</p><p>Not kind, sweet, funny Peeta Mellark who can make her smile like there's nothing wrong with the world even when she's had the worst day. Not Peeta Mellark who buys her a coffee because she can't afford it and tips her ten dollars just because he can, and because he enjoys spending time with her. Why would Peeta lie to her?</p><p>And the answer suddenly hits because there's truly nothing in this world that Peeta would want from her. She has no money, she has no family or a home to take, and she has no confidence to steal and nothing worthy on her. She only has her.</p><p>All he wants is Katniss Everdeen to be happy, to make her smile and laugh. Just like Finnick told her earlier he did. Plainly because Peeta Mellark is a good man, a man who would never dream of hurting anyone, and whom she can trust with everything she has, a feeling so foreign it kills her.</p><p>"I...You mean those things, don't you?" She asks, but she already knows his answer even before he nods. "Why tell me?"</p><p>Peeta smiles before reaching out slowly and taking her hand from its place in her lap. She's stoic and still, too terrified to move but allowing him to hold one of hers in both of his, his touch comforting, warm, almost tender. "Because I want you to know, and because you deserve more than anyone on this earth to know how truly brilliant you are."</p><p>"I'm really not." She whispers, but allows him to stroke his thumb over her knuckles, her eyes nearly closing at how good it feels for someone to touch her and be gentle instead of hurt her.</p><p>"You have no idea," He pauses in his actions on her hand, but keeps hers in his as he looks up at her. "The effect you can have."</p><p>In that moment, she thinks, or rather she hopes, that he'll lean forward and kiss her, just hold her in her arms, do something, but he doesn't. He lets her take her hand back, before standing slowly, as if he's trying to figure out his next steps, and her eyes follow his every movement.</p><p>"Peeta?" She starts, standing as she hates the height difference in her being sat and him being stood, her hands by her side awkwardly, unsure of what to do having him so close, nose-to-nose, feeling his breath against her cheek. "I trust you."</p><p>It seems, despite her uncertainty and nerves, that her words have their desired effect, as he leans forward, brushing his lips over her temple so tenderly it makes her heart thud painfully against her chest. His lips press on her skin after a moment of hesitation, and he lingers for a few seconds before moving away again.</p><p>"Thank you." He whispers, his eyes lighting up at the thought of her truly, genuinely, trusting him, with no lies between them and only honesty, with him revealing so much of his intentions to her and how he feels and her making a small, but massive to them, step in their tentative friendship. "I trust you too."</p><p>"I know." She smiles, a genuine one though tiny, and if they weren't so close, he would never see it. "I just...you know I want to tell you things and be honest with you, right?"</p><p>"Right." He nods, not wanting to push her to tell him anything she doesn't want to. The last thing he would ever want to do is make her do things she doesn't entirely and wholeheartedly want to do. He refuses to be like the 'other men' she's known who have done that to her. "I know that."</p><p>"Good." She whispers, stepping away slightly as if that's all that needs to be said and nothing else matters. And truly, nothing else does, all he needs to know is that she trusts him, something that doesn't come easily, and she knows he won't ask any follow-ups. "Since I'm not working, I should go...back."</p><p>"Or we could have a coffee? I know a really nice diner." He jokes, making her smile despite the previous tension. "There's this wonderful waitress who works there, a really nice girl and I sense she might just think I'm nice too."</p><p>"Oh really?" She places a hand on her hip, clearly happy to move on from the previous conversation and joke with him.</p><p>"Really." He grins, holding out his hand for her to take, a silent offer of something more than coffee, though she isn't sure what it is, and she doesn't need to know for now. But they both know the offer isn't just about being two friends chatting over a hot beverage at ten o'clock at night.</p><p>He won't say that there is anything more to it, and neither will she, but it's obvious, and she feels a flutter in her heart at how easy he's making things for her, never asking but always offering, always giving her an option to say no.</p><p>Peeta makes things easy. She loves that about him, though she'll never admit it. Whereas before, with every man she's ever known, she'd been nervous about every word that comes out of her mouth, terrified of upsetting him or making him think she was talking back or insulting them- always petrified she would end up injured for it, Peeta is nothing like that.</p><p>Everything he says is always calm, cool, collected, and well thought out before the words leave his lips. His actions are always cautious and careful, gentle and innocent, never intending any harm and never holding any malice. He's everything that a young Katniss Everdeen dreamed of, and she knows she swore off ever falling for someone, but he ticks every box. He ticks boxes she never even had.</p><p>In her childhood, she had wanted for so much, and in her head, she made a list of things that she could only ever dream of having. A job she's good at that she enjoys, someone who would love her like her father loved her mother, and who looks at her the very same way her parents look at each other. She wanted a home where that love could grow inside her until it came out, to be loved by them, filling the rooms of that home with the pitter patter of tiny feet.</p><p>She hadn't wanted much, not in the long run. Not fancy cars or millions of dollars she would never even begin to know where to spend. She had no use for handbags or shoes, no use for trivial things. All she'd wanted to be safe, to have a home, to have someone to love her.</p><p>But she never got it, not even a hint of it, until she met Peeta Mellark, and things began to seem that bit brighter.</p><p>He makes her laugh when she wants to cry, he encourages her and supports her, makes her smile even though there is nothing to smile about, and he seems to have a genuine belief that she's worth something. He is like the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad her losses. He's the promise that things can be good again. She has fire, too much of it, and she has been beaten, shoved, screamed at, scarred and burnt by someone who has that very same fire. Her fire has been beaten down so much that it's nearly extinguished, whereas before it was close to breaking out and destroying everything in its path. Including her. It's so clear that she never needed someone to spark that fire, or to extinguish it, rather keep it burning but at a calm, warm pace. Keep her spark alive and yet keeping her calm, sated, safe and happy. She doesn't need someone to keep her fire burning with only rage and hatred. She needs someone to care for her, to protect her and make her see that despite her past, her scars and her fears- things can be good again. And only Peeta can give her that.</p><p>With that in mind, she glances at his hand, not hesitating to take it in her own, before stepping into the diner, for once eager to be with someone for longer than a few minutes, for once being excited about having someone else's hand in her own, and all she can think is that if nothing else is to ever happen between them, having him now would be enough.</p><p>The diner has on the radio, and she can hear the soft bars of the very same song she was listening to earlier from it, making her smile instead of frown, but that probably has something more to do with his hand in hers than the actual music.</p><p>'<em>Touch me deep, pure and true, gift to me forever...'</em></p><p>Peeta seems to notice it too as he leads her to sit in his usual booth, his hand still in hers as they sit beside each other instead of opposite one another for the first time. She doesn't miss the way he goes in first so she can leave should she want to, and the realisation of how he's putting her at the forefront of every action he makes forces her to squeeze his hand as she can't help it.</p><p>"This is from Romeo and Juliet, right?" He asks, listening out to the music again as the woman on it sings about lyric.</p><p>'<em>I'm kissing you...Oh, I'm kissing you...'</em></p><p>"Yeah." She nods, wondering if a young Peeta Mellark had ever seen it. She had just been born when it came out, seeing as it was released to the theatres in October in 1996, and she was just a few months old. But they had a reshowing on the television and the film is constantly being shown to this day, so it's possible he's heard the song when flicking through channels or he's watched it since. She has mentioned her childhood crush on a young Leonardo DiCaprio, a crush that is still fairly present despite him being much older than her.</p><p>In the back of her mind, she thinks of the similarities to a young DiCaprio and Peeta now. Both have floppy, blonde hair and blue eyes, both have some kind of strange spell she can't snap out of, and she can guarantee Peeta has had plenty of female admirers much like Leonardo has. Then again, she has no idea what Leonardo DiCaprio is like in real life, and even if he was the nicest gentleman in the world, she doesn't think she'd give up Peeta for him.</p><p>Not that she had Peeta to begin with.</p><p>But, for the first time in years, she wants someone. She wants. And even if nothing happens between them, she knows she'll be okay, because she'll still have him as her friend, still have his support and encouragement and easy nature. Right now though, she had him beside her, smiling that kind smile that makes her heart jump, and his hand in hers and that's enough.</p><p>This is enough for now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There is chapter number four finished! In case you couldn't tell, I have absolutely not got a single clue how many chapters I will end up writing, mainly because there is still so much to unpack with Katniss and I didn't want to rush it and make it seem unrealistic and like she's getting over things. She's damaged and it's a very slow progressing journey she has to go on to be completely okay. But that's fine, because I think we all know Peeta will be there. Also, from now on, our baker boy will be in this a LOT more. I've been holding off to try show the slow burn vibe, but now I can really let go. Thank God for that!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Run To You - Whitney Houston</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Anything else?"</p><p>"Someone who remembers." She inhales deeply, as if it's the biggest thing in the world, and to her it may be. "If she tells a story, try to remember the little details even if they seem dull and not at all something you care about. Then, say she tells a story about the same person, mention something you remembered, she'll love it. No one really listens to us, not really, so it's nice when someone does." Katniss admits, catching a glance from another waitress, Enobaria, out of the corner of her eye and she knows she can't stay sat down for much longer.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am really keeping up with my 90s movie and the song deal I've seemed to have started. Don't ask why I'm doing it, because the answer is very dull. The best movies were in the nineties for story purposes. And the eighties watch me use a song from the eighties at some point because I want to and Panem Radio in this fic loves all cliché, cheesy music like that. Maybe I should host Panem Radio. Oh God, am I Ceaser Flickerman? This chapter comes with a song from The Bodyguard (1992).</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to. I just enjoy mentioning them.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>A girl who's scared sometimes, who isn't always strong, can't you see the hurt in me? I feel so all alone...'</em></p><p>Katniss pauses in her wiping down of the table in front of her, hearing the lyrics of the song Brutus has on from the kitchen. That's just a little too spot on for her, remembering when she ran from home, so long ago and yet such a short time somehow.</p><p>The song is from a movie she loved in the nineties, as that's all Panem Radio is capable of playing or so she'll think until she hears the station play different music. She never considered how relevant the song would be to her now.</p><p>A girl feeling all alone in the world, with no one to talk to, with such an intense hurt inside her that it's threatening to take her over, someone who has so many people who would willingly offer to help and yet she still feels like she has no one.</p><p>It's too close for comfort.</p><p>A scoff from behind her makes Katniss turn her head, seeing a familiar flop of dirty blonde hair, and the face of a man she's been trying to meet since she's been in Four. "Can I help you, sir?" She nearly runs to him, unsure as to how she manages to calm herself into a slow wander, her cleaning rag going in the pocket of her apron, her pen and pad out instead.</p><p>"No." He mumbles, but when she scowls and turns to go away, he rethinks his answer. "Actually, yes, sweetheart, you can."</p><p>When she turns back, she notices that he seems far more kept than usual. He's wearing a nice, clean shirt that looks familiar, and if she didn't know any better, she would think she might have even seen it on Peeta before. His hair is neat and combed, which is unusual for him, and he looks as though someone has dunked him in a bath numerous times.</p><p>Haymitch Abernathy, or so Peeta says he's called though she's never had the pleasure, or displeasure, to meet him yet. Now she can correct that and say she has, though she isn't sure what a supposedly rich alcoholic wants from a little waitress in Sae's at eight pm on a Friday night.</p><p>"How can I help?" She plasters on her usual waitress smile.</p><p>"Stop acting like that, it's very clearly not you." He waves her off, and her act very quickly drops, making him smirk as if he knew. He is Peeta's neighbor, and there's a good chance that her friend has mentioned her to him. "You're a woman, right?"</p><p>"Last time I checked." She smirks despite herself, but manages to school her features when he glares at her for the joke. "Sorry, I am, yes indeed, a woman."</p><p>Haymitch runs a hand through his hair, seeming nervous for the first time since their conversation began. "What do you women like? How should I...act? I haven't done this in a while."</p><p>"You haven't ordered from a waitress in a while?" She tilts her head, knowing exactly what he's talking about but playing dumb so he has no choice but to admit his nerves. "Well, you look at the menu, see what you want and tell me. I go get it-"</p><p>"I mean," He cuts her off with an annoyed glance, but behind the irritation there's a hint of amusement. "I haven't been on a date in a while...I have a date coming here in a few minutes and it just hit me I have no idea what I'm doing."</p><p>"Can I be frank with you?" She asks, not wanting to say the wrong thing and end up with a customer complaint, although he doesn't seem like the type of person who would do that.</p><p>"I would prefer it if you were." He gestures for her to sit down, and she takes the opportunity because her feet are aching. "So, what do you women like, sweetheart?"</p><p>Resting her arms on the table, she thinks of what she would like, and she knows there is only one real answer she can give but she doubts it'll help Haymitch much. "Someone who is kind, and who listens." She tells him simply, but the look of irritation tells her that wasn't helpful. "Someone who brings us flowers, as cliché as it sounds, but I've never had flowers and it would be nice if someone did." She admits and ignores the look Haymitch gives her.</p><p>It's the same look she's seen on Finnick's face, slight sympathy and confusion, and yet it's different at the same time because she doesn't think he really feels sympathetic, he just realises that its strange that she's never been given flowers.</p><p>"Anything else?"</p><p>"Someone who remembers." She inhales deeply, as if it's the biggest thing in the world, and to her it may be. "If she tells a story, try to remember the little details even if they seem dull and not at all something you care about. Then, say she tells a story about the same person, mention something you remembered, she'll love it. No one really listens to us, not really, so it's nice when someone does." Katniss admits, catching a glance from another waitress, Enobaria, out of the corner of her eye and she knows she can't stay sat down for much longer.</p><p>"Is this what all women like or just you?" He asks, sounding thoroughly unimpressed with her advice so far, but there's an underlying tone of thankfulness, like he's hiding how much her words have helped him and he doesn't want her to know how out of his depth he is.</p><p>"Most women, but some of it may just be me." She smirks, not caring if he takes it or leaves it as she stands up. "Also, the fact that you've made an effort to look nice despite the fact you're in a diner is good too, women take note of how a man looks, Mr. Abernathy."</p><p>He nods, before he frowns as she goes to move away, realising he never told her his name. "How do you know me and yet I don't know you?" He asks sounding so confused that she wishes she could laugh, but it's not very professional and Enobaria keeps glancing over, rushed off her feet with work and needing help.</p><p>"I know Peeta, he mentioned you." She explains, like it means everything, and his face lights up as if he knows exactly who she is. "Katniss Everdeen." She gives a little wave before turning her back to him and going to help Enobaria.</p><p>By the time the rush has finished, a woman has joined Haymitch, sitting opposite him in the booth, and Katniss can't help but think how different the pair is. Whilst he seems more casual, yet presentable, she has clearly gone to significantly more effort for their supposed date. She wears a dark green, elegant suit that makes her look as though she's going to a business meeting rather than Sae's diner, and she has blonde hair that has been dyed a soft shade of pink that though others may find it nice, she finds it still too alarming.</p><p>Enobaria comes up to Katniss from her position behind the bar, her gaze following where Katniss is looking, and she smirks as she puts an order through the till. "Those two are a strange match. I saw you talking to him earlier, do you know him well?"</p><p>"No." Katniss shakes her head, polishing a glass before holding it under the light to check it for marks. "Peeta knows him though."</p><p>"Ah, your boyfriend-"</p><p>"He's not my-" She tries to argue, only for Enobaria to wave her off and cut her off in return, and she knows this could continue all night if they let it.</p><p>"He is." Enobaria scoffs, taking a glass from her and placing it down before forcing Katniss to look at her, wanting her full attention. "You've been in this town for nearly two months and I feel obliged to tell you that you and Peeta Mellark are one hundred percent what Rue would call 'an item' or whatever the kids say nowadays."</p><p>Enobaria and Katniss have a strange sort of friendship, based purely on their similar distain for acting friendly to the customers and irritation about their uniform, how tired they are, everything. Enobaria has been and continues to be the person Katniss goes to when she has just wanted to complain and not have someone telling her things will get better, and she's a good soundboard. Katniss much prefers her to Glimmer, and even Enobaria agreed that Glimmer trying to belittle her in the diner the night she was going to ask out Peeta, nearly one and a half months ago, was out of order.</p><p>She's taller than Katniss, though that isn't hard, with light, tanned skin and long brown hair, which is usually tied back into a ponytail, and the day it's down is the day Katniss thinks the rapture is coming. It's usually up because Enobaria is always in the gym, telling her she's building up her upper body strength, and there is no point taking it down since she's a waitress.</p><p>Over the past two months, Enobaria has been the one pushing Katniss toward Peeta whenever he comes in, swapping shifts so the pair can spend time together and once even quite literally tripping her into him just so they could speak. She's one of the 'number one supporters' of them, though she won't admit to it, and Katniss is silently glad for the help.</p><p>"I don't think 'the kids' say that anymore either." She muses to the slightly older woman, grabbing the glass back so she can clean it again, irritated by Enobaria ruining her polishing. "We're just friends. I like him, I enjoy spending time with him and one day I would like to possibly try going on a date, but it's not happened yet so I won't obsess over it."</p><p>"That sounds awfully rehearsed, but I believe you." She states, but turns her attention over to where Haymitch and the mystery woman are speaking. "He looks like he's listening rather intently, unusual for a man."</p><p>"I'm wondering whether she appreciates it as much as we would." Katniss mumbles, before deciding she needs to know if her advice worked out or not, so she throws down her polishing cloth and grabs a pen and pad, rushing over to the pair before anyone can take over that table.</p><p>"Katniss, where-" Enobaria tries, but she's too far away to listen, and she resumes the task she was doing before, knowing that once Katniss gets an idea in her head, nothing stops her.</p><p>"Hi," She skillfully ignores her colleague, plastering on her best waitress smile and looking between Haymitch and his mystery date. "I'm Katniss and I'm serving you tonight. Evening Haymitch, nice to see you again." She winks conspiratorially at him, making him roll his eyes whilst his date seems somewhat impressed the staff knows him by name, apparently it's good sense to know the people who serve your food.</p><p>"Katniss, what a beautiful name." The woman smiles, her eyes wide and bright as she takes in her appearance, mustard skirt and messily done braid included. "And such a beautiful woman to join, if you don't mind my saying so, dear."</p><p>"Thank you." She fakes a smile, not knowing if the woman's words are genuine or not, but she wants to act nice, just in case she was telling the truth. "I think your suit is gorgeous, I could never pull it off."</p><p>"Doubtful, you have the figure and the beauty, you could pull it off way better than I ever could." The woman waves her hand like she's waving off a compliment, but it clearly pleases her if the smile on her face is anything to go by.</p><p>There's a moment of silence before Haymitch coughs, seeing both Katniss and the mystery woman stare at him, and it's clear they both want to be introduced to one another, by him, the person who knows them both. "Oh, right." He looks apologetic at the woman but irritated at Katniss. "Katniss, this is Effie Trinket, my date for this evening, she works at the hospital. Effie, this is Katniss, my next door neighbours girlfriend."</p><p>"I'm not his girlfriend." She argues, a scowl coming on her face, but Haymitch shrugs like it's nothing. With a sigh, she offers her hand to Effie, who takes it and shakes it far firmer than Katniss would expect from such a posh, put together lady. "If you work at the hospital, you might know my <em>friend</em> Peeta Mellark."</p><p>"Oh, Peeta!" She claps, clearly excited about the mention of him, and the pair must know one another unless she's a keen observer. "You're the woman he's been fawning over, I'm so happy he's found someone to gush over the way he does." Effie seems to realise what she's said and very quickly changes the subject. "He's one of the Doctors I work with, yes."</p><p>Katniss raises an eyebrow, wondering what Effie would do at the hospital, as she hardly seems the type to be a doctor or nurse, and she's far too posh and eloquent to work on reception. "What do you do? If you don't mind my asking."</p><p>"I'm a Hospital Administrator." Effie tells her, nearly making Katniss's eyes bulge out of her head when she realises she's probably speaking to one of the richest people in town, making her outfit and polite nature make sense. "Peeta mentioned you were new in town."</p><p>Folding her hands to cross over her body, Katniss nods, wondering how much Peeta has told this woman about her. Peeta is hardly the type to gossip, and she has no clue what he does at work, whether or not he speaks about her. She knows he texts her at work, since she gave him her number a few weeks ago, and he's constantly texting her to send her a joke or tell her a funny story of the day, but she doubt he'll 'gush' about her to people.</p><p>She's hardly worth speaking about.</p><p>"I've been here for two months as of yesterday." Katniss confirms, wrinkling her nose as she realises how long she's truly been in that town, two months may not seeming like long, but two months of feeling safe is a long time to her worried, frail mind.</p><p>"Do you like it here?" Effie asks, seemingly curious, but there's a definite angle to her questions. "It's just, if you were thinking of sticking in Four, there's a job for a medical receptionist going at the hospital. There is nothing involved where you'd be doing any hands on work with patients, of course, just booking people in and making appointments. I have been looking but no one seemed like the perfect fit, I'm a stickler for finding the right people."</p><p>"Oh." Katniss smiles softly, shocked that Effie would ever consider her to be a good fit for a place like the hospital. "I haven't given it much thought." She admits, knowing Enobaria works part time as a receptionist in the hospital and says she enjoys it, but unsure if it's a good fit for her.</p><p>"Well, there's interviews on Monday if you want to come along, I'm fairly certain you'd have a good chance." Effie digs into her purse beside her, pulling out a sleek white business card and asking for her pen, which Katniss gives, and she writes something down on the card, before passing it along with the pen back to her. "That's my number, and where in the hospital to go, if you decide to come along."</p><p>"Thank you." She pockets the card, a smile on her face at how the woman seems to genuinely want to help her. "Now, to do the job I already have, would you two like to order?"</p><p>For the rest of her shift, Katniss thinks of the card in her pocket, even when the couple leaves and the diner is nearly empty, even when her and Enobaria close up for the night, going their separate ways. There's only one person she truly want's to speak about this with, but she's fairly certain he's at work, and if not, he's asleep, but she chances texting him anyway.</p><p>
  <strong>Hey, if you're asleep I'm sorry, if you're awake, do you have a minute? – K</strong>
</p><p>To her surprise, he immediately texts her back, telling her to wait by the diner and he'll come pick her up, knowing she'd be walking home alone. It's their routine, if he's awake and not working and she's finished a night shift, he'll always pick her up and drop her home, wanting her to be safe, before leaving promptly.</p><p>Tonight, however, when he picks her up, she asks if she could go back to his with him, purely so they can talk, as she felt as though she hasn't truly been able to have a conversation with him longer than ten minutes for weeks.</p><p>Of course, he agrees, and within no time, she's sat on his couch, admiring his fireplace, large and warm, keeping her comforted from the weather outside despite the fact Four is always warm. She hasn't seen more than two days of rain in the two months she's been there, whereas in Twelve it's constantly raining, and sunny days are few and far between.</p><p>Peeta wanders into the room from where he'd been getting them wine in the kitchen, passing her a large glass filled to the brim just like his own, before sitting beside her, both of them bent at an angle so they can look at one another.</p><p>She has to admit; his home may be the most beautiful house she's ever seen, not the mention the size of it. She thought Finnick and Annie's house was huge, but Peeta's takes the cake.</p><p>It has the perfect shade of dark blue she always dreamed of owning a home with, with a white fence surrounding it and a veranda, giving him a decent sized porch out the front, a freshly mowed green grass lawn that has flowers growing healthily, and she knows he's an avid gardener based on their conversations since she's known him.</p><p>Originally, she thought the house would be too modern and spacious, but Peeta has somehow made it seem homely instead of ostentatious and flashy, with family photos on dark wood tables in the hall, all polished within an inch of their life, and wooden floors that look new but she knows for a fact aren't, as he just cares for them well.</p><p>This house was clearly bought with the intentions of making it a home; with the five bedrooms it holds, including two that were bedrooms that got converted into offices and a painting studio given the fact he hasn't got children yet. She isn't sure why a man like him hasn't been snapped up, with his personality, looks, the home, the job he has. He's perfect to any woman and yet he chooses to spend his time with her, a little waitress with a broken soul and enough baggage to fill a plane.</p><p>Breaking away from her thoughts, Katniss realises Peeta was asking her something, and she quickly asks him to repeat it once more since she zoned out completely.</p><p>Chuckling instead of getting angry like she thinks he should, Peeta repeats his question, "What inspired you to want to come over?"</p><p>"Oh," She sips at her wine, nearly moaning at how good it tastes despite the fact she usually hates red wine, before placing it on the light wood coffee table in front of the light grey sofas he has that they're perched on. "Effie Trinket came to see me." At Peeta's smile, she figures it must be a signal he gets on with the aforementioned woman. "She offered me a job interview."</p><p>"The receptionist job?" He asks, placing his glass of wine on the coaster beside hers. When she nods, he has a surprised look on his face, as if it was unexpected. "Effie has been searching for months, no one was good enough. You must have worked the same magic you worked on me to get an interview."</p><p>"What magic?" She smirks, not knowing what he's on about. Katniss barely said two words to the woman and she was eating out of her hand. "Is this that whole 'you don't know the effect you can have' speech again?"</p><p>"Absolutely." Peeta grins, grabbing the fluffy white blanket draped over the back of the sofa to cover Katniss's bottom half, and she's thankful because despite the heat of the fire, her feet are always cold, and he seems to have remembered. "You have no idea, you speak to people and they listen. I certainly did."</p><p>"Yes, but that's very different." She reminds him, unconsciously moving closer to him. "You thought I was different, and you were interested. And then I became this kind of puzzle you can't figure out, and now you're hooked." Katniss teases, but in truth that's exactly what happened.</p><p>"Now I want to know everything about you. The good stuff and the bad things."</p><p>Frowning slightly, her good mood fades, and she glances down to the warm blanket covering her legs, her fingers brushing over it, as she doesn't know what to do with her hands.</p><p>He does this sometimes, brings up wanting to know about her, and usually they just brush it off like they always do, which she wants to do again. Except, she doesn't. Because despite her desperation to leave that part of her life behind her, she wants for him to know everything, though she's terrified he'll run away and leave her behind when he finds out.</p><p>"Just...turn on the radio." She quickly deflects, and he sighs but does as she asks, allowing her a blissful few moments of just listening to the song playing.</p><p>'<em>Each day, each day I play the role of someone always in control, but at night I come home and turn the key, there's nobody there, no one cares for me.'</em></p><p>Inhaling deeply at how the song seems to capture her emotions, her life, her inner turmoil and her days, she tries to ignore it. But she can't, because the song, the one that was strangely on when her and Haymitch spoke before- but not that strange because Panem Radio is the only station Four gets and it's always repeating the songs it played earlier- which made her pause then too.</p><p>"Katniss?" Peeta calls for her attention quietly, not wanting to break the moment of calm, the peace that's surrounding them though uneasy. "Talk to me?"</p><p>"About what?" She sighs out, finally glancing over to him, a slight scowl marring her features. "You want to hear the bad things about me? It's a long list."</p><p>"It's not-"</p><p>"It is." She cuts him off harshly, her tone leaving no room for argument, and she feels so frustrated at herself for never being able to just admit things without being angry. She trusts him, he's her friend and she knows he only wants to know because he cares about her. He has no hidden agenda; he wants nothing from her except her friendship, though she doesn't know why because that's hardly ever been worth much to anyone else. "It is a long list, Peeta, because you have no idea about my life before I came here."</p><p>Sighing, Peeta closes his eyes to think, trying to remain calm like he always does when she gets upset about something or is panicked. After a moment, he opens them, his expression nothing but understanding and kind. "You don't like to talk about it." He reminds her.</p><p>"No, I don't." She states, her bottom lip quivering as she remembers her past, usually shoving it aside and ignoring it, pretending it happened to someone else and not her. "Would you want to talk about your past when it's all so awful? You want to know about my past, well okay then!"</p><p>"Katniss-" He tries to interject.</p><p>She just cuts him off, so mad and yet upset and vulnerable that it'll only hurt her more if she stops and holds it in. "Would you want to tell the only person on this earth that you trust that you were constantly belittled and beaten? Do you want to hear about every single time I've been hit or burnt or screamed at? How about all the times I've been made to do things I didn't want? How about the time I was forced to marry a man who beat me within an inch of my life so many times the hospital staff knew me by my face?"</p><p>Peeta just stares at her in shock, never having expected her to say so much, but he doesn't say anything to reply, remaining silent as though he knows she's going to continue until it's out of her system.</p><p>"Or how about the fact that my father died and my mother checked out? How about how from the age of twelve, I had men offer me money for my virginity because I couldn't afford rent? Or being left to fend for myself and my little sister because no one else would?" She seethes, her eyes filling with tears, and one falls but she doesn't bother wiping it away as more are sure to follow. "What about the time I accidentally burned dinner because I was too busy being beaten in the corner? And because it was burnt, I got two black eyes. Do you want to hear that story?"</p><p>Finally, he seems to want her to stop, the images running through his brain too painful to comprehend, and he reaches out slowly to take her hand.</p><p>"W-" She shrugs off his hand, not wanting to be calmed, and she instead stands so that she can pace the room up and down, her arms surrounding herself. "What about the scars and burns I have all over my chest that I'm too ashamed to even show you? Do you want to hear about them? Or would you rather me tell you about the baby I lost because it's daddy was so enraged that a whore like me got pregnant despite the fact he didn't use protection without telling me? How about that?"</p><p>Standing up, Peeta approaches her so slowly it's like she's a frightened deer. "Katniss-"</p><p>"NO!" She yells, but doesn't move away from him. "You wanted to know the good and the bad well here you go! Here is the no good, terrible, awful bad that consumes me every single day! Here is the reason I can't even be touched without flinching and why I have to triple lock my doors at night, in case he finds me and makes me pay! This is why I came here and you will never look at me the same way again when I tell you, so that's why I never say a word. Because it is <em>too hard</em>!"</p><p>With a final sob, she collapses into his waiting arms, finally feeling some sort of a weight from just telling someone about her life, finally admitting the worst parts of her, the most painful parts of her, the reason she wakes up screaming every single night.</p><p>"It's okay." He whispers, gathering her in her arms and sitting back on the couch with her curled in his lap like she weighs nothing, his hands stroking up and down her back comfortingly. "It's okay, you're here now, you're with me now."</p><p>She sobs into his neck, her hands clutched to her chest protectively, and the moment she begins to truly listen to his words, her arms wrap around his neck, holding him to her so tightly she's terrified she's strangling him, but he doesn't say a word against her.</p><p>'<em>Oh, I need you here, I need you here to wipe away my tears, to kiss away my fears...'</em></p><p>Taking a shaky breath, she curls in closer to his chest from her position on his lap, and he doesn't force her to move away or even attempt to speak to her. He just rocks her as the radio plays behind them, not trying to convince her that she's safe anymore as it's clear she's calming down by just having his arms wrapped around her, holding her close.</p><p>After a considerable amount of time, she finally unwraps herself from him, her breathing back to normal with her face being red and splotchy, tear tracks on her cheek with a red, sniffling nose. "Sorry." She whispers, embarrassed to have revealed so much, shown him how damaged she truly is.</p><p>She's horrified, and now the shame can kick in because she knows that she's ruined any chance of having a real chance with this man.</p><p>Revealing as much and yet as little as she did is enough to make her realise how truly awful she is, how much baggage she carries and how stupid she is for even thinking for a single second that she could ever get over her past. And now, once again, she's made herself repulsive and disgusting to the one person in this whole wide world she trusts, the only person she feels has ever really been kind to her with no ulterior motives, only doing so because he enjoys being in her company and making her laugh.</p><p>"Why are you sorry?" Peeta asks, his tone soft and underlying with confusion as she slips out of his lap to sit besides him, her eyes staring at the floor just so she doesn't have to face him. "There is nothing to be sorry for."</p><p>"There is." She whispers, wiping at her nose with her sleeve so she can avoid speaking, but he stays silent like he knows she needs time to collect her thoughts before she speaks them out loud. "I didn't mean to scream at you, or tell you so much..."</p><p>After a long moment of silence, Peeta reaches over and takes her hand from her lap, squeezing it so, so carefully as though she's a porcelain doll, and he takes a deep breath before speaking again. "Do you regret telling me?"</p><p>She nods, her face scrunching as she tries to avoid the second wave of tears that she feels coming. "I'm pathetic, and stupid and shameful. And I never wanted you to figure that out." She whispers, her eyes closing as her own words hit her, knowing just how true they are. "I didn't want you to know those things."</p><p>His hand squeezes hers, and though she can't see his face, she knows what look his eyes holds. They'll hold sympathy, disgust, guilt, hurt, anything really. "You..." Peeta stops, as though he can't think of the right words, and she can feel his contempt from her place next to him, expecting him to tell her to leave his home and never come back. "Are the strongest, most enduring person I've ever met in my entire life."</p><p>Her head snaps up, clearly not expecting it, her eyes opening to look into his, and the expression he holds shocks her to her core.</p><p>There is no disgust, or pity, in his eyes. Only compassion and empathy, kindness and something she can't place, but she has a good guess at it being something akin to loving, as that's just his nature. She's a fool, a blind fool. She's been treated so dreadfully in the past that her brain was making assumptions about the kindest man she's ever known.</p><p>How could she ever think Peeta would ever look at her any differently? He has never treated her like she's less because of her circumstances or her job, in fact that's only seemed to attract her further towards him, and he supports her no matter what, this was never going to be any different. And in that moment, she realises that he always has her back and will always take her side.</p><p>Peeta is her dandelion; he would never be any different.</p><p>"What?" She whispers, still in shock from his words, never in a million years thinking someone would understand and think of her as strong when she's so weak, never running away until now after years of abuse and torment. People jeer and make comments how she could always just leave but never did. But, somewhere, buried deep in his eyes, she knows he understands because of his own past, though they've never broached that subject yet, and she knows he's been through something similar.</p><p>"I am so, so proud of you." He whispers instead of repeating himself, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "You did the hardest thing you ever had to do, went through things no one will ever understand, and yet you are here and you are still being so strong, holding it together though I know it's making you want to fall apart."</p><p>Her silence doesn't faze him, but he does carry on, because he wants her to know how he truly feels. "And I'm so proud because you are strong, and compassionate, and you keep everyone else fighting fit because you never want them to feel the way you did. I have never, in my whole life, been so captivated and impressed and just plain <em>proud</em> of someone."</p><p>For someone to understand her and not judge her and not make any comments except this, that he's proud of all things. It makes her sob, just one, small, quiet sob that expresses everything she can't say, the longing for approval and desire for someone to just want her and be proud of her.</p><p>She leans forward, and he catches her like he always does, his forehead pressing against hers tightly as his arms wrap around her. "I promise you, you will never have to go through that again, okay?" He whispers, and she nods slowly, listening though she barely replies. "You don't need to hold it in alone anymore."</p><p>"Promise me you won't go?" She sniffles, her hands resting on his chest in fists as she moves closer to him.</p><p>"I promise you, I won't go anywhere. Even if you think I'm irritating and too protective, I'm not going to leave you to deal with any of this alone anymore." He swears and, despite knowing words don't always mean a thing, she believes him.</p><p>Peeta would never make a promise he doesn't intend to keep, and she knows that his words are true. He will never allow her to go through things alone. And though he will never push her to tell him, he will always be ready to listen and hold her when she does.</p><p>"Peeta?" She glances up at him, her eyes soft, and her heart clenches as she really hopes that he understands her next words aren't literal. "Stay with me?" She doesn't just mean now, holding her and keeping her safe, and if he knows her well enough then he'll know exactly what she's asking.</p><p>She means forever, and her words have such deep implications because her words mean him to always do what he promised. Her asking symbolises him always holding her and protecting her, always staying by her side and never leaving her to do this on her own. Her request means the promise of something more one day, more than just late night chats and friendship. It means he promise of love and his unwavering, complete, adoration, which she intends to return in tenfold.</p><p>It's not a request for intimacy and devotion now, she doesn't think she's ready for that, and even if she was, now isn't the time to ask that. But it is a plea for it one day, when they're both ready and able to have those things. It's begging for him to love her one day even when she will never be able to love herself. It's clawing at him for attention and binding vows, of being with him in a way she could only ever dream of, the way they both want but have been too afraid to go for.</p><p>It's the promise of them. And by the look in his eyes, he understands her meaning completely. Just like usual.</p><p>He seems to think of a million words he could say, a million promises he could make and tell her that will ultimately mean nothing, but none of those slip from his tongue. Instead, he says one word that's enough for her, for him, for them, giving her a hope and feeling of promise she's never felt before in her whole life for a brighter future. The promise and hope that life can go on, no matter how bad her losses, the promise of rebirth, of brightness. It's the dandelion in the spring, just like him.</p><p>"Always."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm proud of the way I used the "Stay with me?" "Always." Moment even if no one else is. There is your snippet of information into Katniss's past, given to Peeta just as I always intended it to be given. He's her lobster! Please get the reference. Anywhoo, if you managed to guess the song then you know why I think it's so perfect for these two and this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. When You Wish Upon A Star - Pinocchio</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"You see, Katniss, the way the whole friend thing works is you have to tell each other...the deep stuff."</p><p>Smirking, she puts her coffee mug down, instead grabbing her knife and fork and taking a few bites of her food, nearly moaning at how good the pancakes taste, before she replies. "The deep stuff?"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was really keeping up with my 90s movie and the song theme. Well, that was until now. In a weird kind of twist, I'm using a Disney song but it has so much relevance to this chapter so you'll have to live with it. I'm using Pinocchio (1940) – yeah really not the 90's.</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to, and I definitely don't own Disney for this one. I do not want to be sued.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme. When you wish upon a star?'</em></p><p>Katniss hums in pleasure as she turns in bed, the sound of the radio floating through the hall and into her bedroom, the sheets smelling like cinnamon and dill. Wait-</p><p>She sits up quickly, her eyes blurry as she takes in her surroundings.</p><p>This isn't her bedroom, or her home that she shares with Annie and Finnick. By the familiar smell and decoration of the room, homely yet not too overbearing, she begins to remember the night before.</p><p>Crying in Peeta's arms for hours, sobbing and hiccupping as she reveal her past in small doses, never going into detail but screaming it at him until she'd broken down. She remembers curling up in his embrace and asking for him to stay with her, and his response.</p><p>Always.</p><p>A smile settles on her face, remembering the way he just pulled her closer, neither of them speaking for the rest of the night, only settling in a comfortable yet intimate embrace, going no further but enjoying the other persons company. After what felt like hours of being in his arms, he had carried her up to his room, giving her some clothes to change into before going to sleep somewhere else, probably in one of the others rooms.</p><p>He could have just as easily of given her a guest room, but none of them would have been as comfortable and readily made for her, none of them would have had his scent on the sheets and the feeling of warmth and home the second she woke up.</p><p>Standing up slowly, she grabs a sweater left on a chair by what she assumes is a dressing table, though what he would need one of those for is beyond her, pulling it on so she can hide the dreadful scars that mar her chest, arms and stomach. Before, she'd only had on an old t-shirt she's assuming is from his university due to the logo on it, which didn't cover her arms at all. Now, she felt less like she wanted to vomit at the sight of her own skin, covered by the length of the arms on his sweater.</p><p>Padding out as quiet as a mouse, she makes her way to the kitchen where Peeta is stood in only a plain white t-shirt and grey joggers, clearly not having expected to see her awake if the look of surprise on his face is anything to go by.</p><p>"Morning." He greets, stood by the stove as he flips a pancake expertly, a smile on his face at the sight of her. "I didn't think you'd be awake yet, we stayed up till gone past six am."</p><p>With a quick glance at the clock, she sees its nearly ten, and realises she got over three hours sleep, more than she's gotten in years. She hadn't even woken up screaming in the night, for the first time in years, and she can only attribute it to his comforting smell surrounding her all night and the fact she was too exhausted from her breakdown and the late hour to be restless.</p><p>"I don't sleep well." She shrugs, like its no big deal, before she steps closer to him, looking as helpless as she feels. "Can I help?"</p><p>Peeta shakes his head, smiling softly and moving around the kitchen to make her a coffee, all of his actions fluid, never making a misstep, his eyes always on the pancakes in case they burn. It's clear, to her at least, that he's used to a busy kitchen, which she figures must have something to do with his own past.</p><p>In the two months of knowing him, she knows so much and yet so little about Peeta Mellark that it's almost laughable. She knows that he grew up in Twelve in the Merchant section, that his family owned Mellark's Bakery and that he moved out to Four when he was eighteen because of university. She knows that he's a painter, making portraits so beautiful though he rarely shows them because he never thinks they're any good. He's a baker. He likes to sleep with the windows open. She knows he never takes sugar in his tea. And he always double knots his shoelaces.</p><p>But she doesn't know so much, so many important things that she should, and he knows so little about her too. Yet, in the back of her mind, she knows she's falling for him. And she doesn't want to stop.</p><p>As though he can read the expression on her face, Peeta offers her a smile, sensing her helplessness and her confusion over what her next move should be, and he seems to gear up to ask her the most important question she might ever hear in her life. But he doesn't.</p><p>Instead, he just hands her a cup of coffee tenderly, warning her it's hot in case she burns herself, before serving up a few pancakes on two plates, and he leads her to his dining room, where he's already set everything up like something out of a Hallmark movie.</p><p>Once they're sat, however, he gets that look on his face again, and he finally asks the question that seems to be burning on his mind, the one that made him go so quiet in his kitchen.</p><p>"I've known you for two months, we speak every single day about everything and nothing, and yet...I hardly know anything about you except that you're stubborn and good with the bow." He muses, his brows furrowing.</p><p>She told him that once, her father taking her to the woods back in Twelve and teaching her how to shoot. It was the only way she managed to support her family when her father died in a mine explosion, the mines that have no closed down because of how dangerous they were. Her hunting, illegally she should add, kept them fed when they had no other means. Her hunting lead to her meeting the worst man she's ever known, the reason she ran away.</p><p>Shaking herself out of it, she offers him a small smile, hidden behind her coffee mug when she takes a sip. "That about sums me up." She quips, trying to mask her inner nervousness at the thought of telling him too much. She may trust him and want him in her life, but she isn't ready to reveal those things yet.</p><p>"No, there's more than that," Peeta shakes his head, knowing she can't just be that. She's so much more, and he knows that despite barely knowing her. "You just don't want tell me."</p><p>"It's like I said, I'm-"</p><p>Cutting her off, not rudely or with any ill intentions, his voice breaks in smoothly. "You see, Katniss, the way the whole friend thing works is you have to tell each other...the deep stuff."</p><p>Smirking, she puts her coffee mug down, instead grabbing her knife and fork and taking a few bites, nearly moaning at how good the pancakes taste, before she replies. "The deep stuff?"</p><p>"Yeah." He nods, shrugging his shoulders, and if he were anyone else her deflecting would irritate him. But he's Peeta, and he understands, pushing gently but knowing when to stop.</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, she decides to throw him a bone, though small. "Uh-oh, like what?"</p><p>"Like uh..." He thinks, and for a moment she's terrified he'll ask something of her she's not ready to give. Of course, he doesn't, he never would. "What's your favorite color?"</p><p>Gasping in a way she's only ever seen Finnick do, she pretends as though it's the most personal, intimate question he could ever ask her "Well, now you've stepped over the line." She deadpans, but her eyes are teasing and her mouth is turned at the corners into a playful smirk.</p><p>He chuckles, glancing down at his plate and going back to eating, knowing she was joking but accepting her deflection, and she thinks that's it, he's done asking. But after a beat, he looks up at her again, his eyes curious with a pleasant, almost joyful, smile on his face.</p><p>"Seriously though, what is it?" He finally asks.</p><p>Rolling her eyes, Katniss answers. "Green. What's yours?"</p><p>"Orange."</p><p>She grimaces like it's the worst thing she's ever heard. Orange is such a bright, ostentatious colour, definitely not something she would ever associate with Peeta Mellark. She always thought he would say blue, to match his eyes, or a soft yellow. "Like pumpkin orange? Or the colour of Effie's hair in that photo over there?" Her head nods to the photo on the windowsill of the dining room.</p><p>It's clearly been taken in a fancy bar or restaurant, with a group of people she doesn't recognise except for Effie, Finnick and Peeta. They're all huddled together, and she guesses it must be a work party for Christmas if their sweaters and Santa Klaus hats are anything to go by.</p><p>Peeta has Finnick on one side of him, wearing a lewd jumper that has some kind of writing about 'Santa's Balls' but she ignores it, and Effie on the other in a Mrs. Klaus dress. Her hair is up in an intricate fashion, but dyed a bright, eye popping orange that Katniss despises. Peeta looks the most normal out of all of them, in normal looking green knit jumper, though he does have glitter in his hair she can bet Finnick put there if the glitter on the taller mans hands is anything to go by.</p><p>Following her gaze, he chuckles, his eyes looking over the photo, and he thinks of the party that night, how much he enjoyed himself and how it was the most fun he had had in years, before answer with a shake of his head. "No. Not that orange, more uh…more like a sunset kind of orange."</p><p>"Sunset?" She wrinkles her nose, still not agreeing with that thought. To her, the sunset symbolises the end of a long day at work, the end of the day and leading into the cold, worrisome night. Peeta is hardly like that.</p><p>No, he's more like sunrise. Sunrise, to her at least, promises hope, the beginning of a new day and thus a chance for happiness and improvement. It's the symbol of birth and rebirth, of awakening. That's more the way Peeta is.</p><p>"Why not sunset? Its beautiful, the stars come out and make the dark seem less lonely, less scary. My father used to make me and my brother stand outside when the stars were really bright outside, which was always because Twelve never had streetlamps." He reminds, smiling at the memories.</p><p>"Why?" She asks softly, pausing in her eating to focus her full attention to him.</p><p>"He used to say that if you saw a bright star, you would wish and send it up in the hope that there is someone who listens." He explains, a small frown coming on his face, and it's obvious that he misses his father, and the messages he taught him.</p><p>She's never thought of it that way before. "Stars are far away and represent goals that are hard to reach or that are impossible to reach. Why would you wish on that?" Katniss asks, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>"My father thought stars were a symbol of light, truth and hope, rather than impossible dreams you can never reach." He shrugs, knowing it would sound silly to anyone else, but to him it meant the world. "Just like light in the darkness."</p><p>Feeling bad for stomping over the precious memories he has of his father, Katniss reaches out to take his hand in her own across the table. "Sorry." She whispers, because the way he describes it truly makes her want to wish on a star, something she doesn't think she's ever done. "What...was the last thing you wished for?" Katniss asks, hoping he would tell her, and in her gut she feels a bubble of nervous energy take her over.</p><p>Peeta looks away, as though it's embarrassing and he would rather watch some paint dry than tell her. "Nothing...just something I hope for in the future." He answers, and she doesn't press. He would never press her.</p><p>She can hear the radio in the background, and she wonders if Panem Radio just always plays the same song all day, as she's fairly sure that song was on when she woke up this morning.</p><p>'<em>When a star is born they possess a gift or two. One of them is this, they have the power to make a wish come true...'</em></p><p>Humming along to it quietly, she can't help but think of how accurate the song is to their current conversation, but she doesn't comment on it, only squeezing his hand in her own. "Peeta?"</p><p>"Yeah?" He glances up, a small smile on his face, his hand grasped in her own, his thumb brushing over her knuckles like she's the most precious thing on earth.</p><p>"Do you mind if I watch the stars with you tonight?"</p><hr/><p>"You did what?" Rue asks, her eyes wide in shock as Katniss finishing regaling the story of her morning to her colleague.</p><p>Although Katniss has always been, and still is, and probably always will be, an intensely private person, she had gotten into work with a dazed, dreamy look that made the other waitresses confused. Usually, to them, she always came in with a scowl, and this was enough to make Katniss be forced to 'spill the beans' of her night to Rue.</p><p>At first, she'd said it so casually, but the realisation of how big everything about the previous night was made her blush and have to admit to Rue that her and Peeta had plans for her to go back to his and watch the stars that night.</p><p>"Katniss," Rue begins, forcing Katniss to stop wiping down the counter-top she was cleaning by laying a hand on her arm. For once, Katniss doesn't flinch at the contact, shocking even her. "You spent the night with him, okay not having sex-"</p><p>"Rue!" Katniss scolds, checking that no one was around them to hear.</p><p>"It's sex, Katniss, not a bomb. You are prude." She reminds, making Katniss scowl at her once more. "Anyway, you spent the night in the home of the man you definitely fancy-"</p><p>"Most women 'fancy' Peeta, it's not a massive leap to assume I would be too." Katniss scoffs, walking into the kitchen to avoid Rue, but the younger girl just follows her.</p><p>"Fine, fine." Rue turns Katniss around before she can walk off again, making the brunette give her the full attention Rue thinks she deserves. "You told him things you won't even tell me, or anyone else, you spent the night in his bed and came in smelling of his shower products and cologne, leaving me to believe he must have hugged you."</p><p>"Men can hug women." She frowns, crossing her arms over her chest. "I fell asleep in his home, I took a shower before work, he dropped me off here before he had to go to work himself. We're meeting outside the diner when we both finish at eleven, why is this such a big deal?"</p><p>"It's a huge deal!" Rue exclaims, sounding excited, and Katniss wishes she had even half of the energy her young friend does. "You like Peeta, in a more than friends way, he definitely likes you-"</p><p>"Understatement of the century." Enobaria comments as she passes them with a full tray in hand, walking out before Katniss can growl at her.</p><p>"You two <em>work</em>." Rue continues, a faraway, dreamy look in her eyes as she clasps her hands together like a movie character. "Shoes and socks, cheese and wine, fish and chips, knife and fork, gin and tonic, sweet and sour-"</p><p>"I better be the shoes, wine, chips, fork, gin and sweet in all of these analogies." She deadpans, but is deadly serious. She knows it's a lie, as Peeta is very clearly the better half out of the two of them.</p><p>Not that they're dating.</p><p>"You two go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong." Rue continues, making Katniss frown, as she hasn't got a clue what any of those words mean. Is Rue having a stroke? Does she need an ambulance? "The song, from <em>Grease</em>. We Go Together?"</p><p>"Never seen it." Katniss moves past Rue, going back out into the main diner just to avoid speaking about it. Rue either needs to stop watching rom-coms or stop quoting nonsense at her, as it just drives her mad.</p><p>Ignoring the sounds of Rue protesting over 'how anyone could not see <em>Grease'</em> and instead focusing on cleaning the table she got pulled away from, Katniss tries to forget the way she wishes her and Peeta went together like all of those things Rue said they did. They get along, or so Katniss likes to think, and there is an attraction, some kind of pull neither or them can ignore. But going together like...whatever those words Rue said. She doubts it.</p><p>The jingle of the bell to the door makes her look up, and she's surprised to see Haymitch stood there looking almost as presentable as he did the night before when on his date. He's holding a big bouquet of flowers, with white daises mixed with blue hydrangeas, and she guesses he must be seeing Effie again to have it.</p><p>"Afternoon, sweetheart." He greets, his tone gruff but she can see a spark in his eyes he didn't have the night before.</p><p>With a glance at the clock in the back of the diner, she realises he's right and it is indeed the afternoon, nearly two o'clock in fact, and her heart flutters when she realises it's only a few hours until she sees Peeta again. She hates that flutter, knowing all too well it doesn't end well, but her brain doesn't listen to her own self loathing, focusing on the man in front of her. "I'll take it the date went well."</p><p>"It did." He holds up the flowers, approaching her with a slight swagger in his step. "I'm seeing her again tonight in that fancy Italian place."</p><p>"Oh? Stepping it up a notch, I see." She grins, stepping away from the table and over to him so she doesn't have to speak so loudly, figuring he wouldn't want his private business being yelled over the diner. "Well, the flowers will work a treat."</p><p>"They aren't for her." Haymitch corrects, before thrusting them into Katniss's hands, dropping them into her grasp and wrenching his hand away like it burns. The look on her face, confusion and slight fear, as he speaks up again. "A thank you."</p><p>Glancing at the beautiful bouquet in her arms, Katniss can't help but blink away tears. She's never been given flowers before, especially not for something as small as a thank you. "No thank you is necessary. You did it alone."</p><p>"No, I didn't." Haymitch shrugs, his hands going into his pockets. "I worked as a Doctor in the emergency room, I never got a chance to date back then, and my women skills were nonexistent. Still are."</p><p>"You figured it out." Katniss reminds him, bringing the flowers to her nose to inhale, reveling in the feeling of being given them for the first time. "This is too much."</p><p>"Well, I was just going to thank you the normal way, with words and a coffee." He admits, bouncing on his heels as though he's embarrassed to admit something, but her gaze makes him say it anyway. "You told me last night you've never been given flowers. I figured that every woman should be given them at least once."</p><p>Inhaling sharply, she can't help but think he took her advice about remembering what someone says to heart, and she hopes he remembered everything Effie said. She thinks he did, if the look in his eyes the night before was anything to go by. "Thank you, Haymitch. Effie is very lucky to have you."</p><p>Scoffing, he shrugs his shoulders, and she can't help but think he's more nervous about his date with her than he lets on. "I don't have her yet, but I would like to. Well, not have her because you don't own a woman but...you understand."</p><p>It's a small thing, but his admittance to never owning someone, never controlling them or making them his in a way more than in heart, is reassuring. She almost likes him. Almost. "I do."</p><p>With one final nod, Haymitch turns on his heel to leave, only to be stopped by her calling him, and he swivels back with a confused look in his eyes. "What?"</p><p>"Don't drink."</p><p>After Haymitch has left, she can't help but take a sniff of the flowers once more, pleasantly surprised by him gifting them to her despite the confusion. He took her advice; he listened to her and did what she said. She helped. She's never had anyone really listen to her before, make her feel like she did something worthwhile. She was worthy enough of a thank you.</p><p>That thought keeps her going for the rest of her shift.</p><p>By the time she's out of work, ten minutes later than she should be thanks to an irritating customer, Peeta is already outside in his car texting someone, but he immediately smiles when she gets in. "Evening." He greets, his eyes lingering on the flowers briefly.</p><p>"Haymitch gave them to me as a thank you." She answers the question he didn't ask, but she's so used to having to defend herself to a man that it's second nature. She didn't have to, they're not together and even if they were, she doubts Peeta is much of a jealous type.</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, Peeta smiles. "That might be the nicest thing Haymitch Abernathy has ever done."</p><p>Nothing else needs to be said. He doesn't ask why or make her tell him more than she wants to, but he accepts it at face value.</p><p>By the time twelve o'clock rolls around, the pair are curled up together on the swing seat in his garden, both of them staring up at the stars with glasses of red wine in one hand, the other holding each others. It's quaint, peaceful even.</p><p>It's something she's never done before.</p><p>How silly. She's never even sat in the garden, holding hands with a blanket around her, drinking wine and looking up at the stars. No fear, no nervousness, just wondering. "What's that one?" She points up at the sky, where three stars are in a straight line, before it forks out into two, making up five stars in total.</p><p>Peeta's gaze follows where her finger is pointing, and his brain whirls as he tries to remember. "Sagitta. Otherwise labeled as The Arrow."</p><p>"Ironic." She smirks, turning to look at him. The irony isn't lost on either of them, her picking a constellation so fitting to herself.</p><p>"Mh, and that one," He points right above her head, smirking as if something was meant to be. "Is called Sagittarius. Otherwise meaning The Archer. Right above your head."</p><p>Smiling, she stares at it for a long moment, silence overtaking them before she glances over to a new constellation, her eyes zeroing in on it like it's the most important thing she's ever seen. "What's that one?" She frowns, her nose wrinkling.</p><p>"Ah, that one is known as Andromeda." Peeta informs her, his hand squeezing hers as he thinks of the meaning behind it, the story within the name. "Known as The Chained Woman." At her scowl, he nods, pressing a feather light kiss to her hand to prove he's not just saying it, or making a joke. It's truly the name. "It has a story but I doubt it's all that interesting."</p><p>"Try me." She demands, her eyes narrowing.</p><p>"Okay, well you know Cassiopeia, the Queen of Ethiopia in Greek mythology?" At her slow nod, he smiles before continuing. "She bragged that her daughter was more beautiful than the Nereids, which were sea nymphs who were thought to have incredible beauty."</p><p>"With a name like Nereids?" She jokes, making him chuckle.</p><p>"Offended by her word, the nymphs made Poseidon, the God of the sea, to punish Cassiopeia for it, or something to that effect. Anyway, he commanded the sea monster Cetus to attack Ethiopia."</p><p>"Bitches." She takes a long sip of wine after her quiet comment, enjoying that he doesn't mind her chiming in, seeming to enjoy it rather than be annoyed with her. It's a luxury she's never been afforded before.</p><p>"Andromeda's father, Cepheus, was told that the only way to save his and Cassiopeia's kingdom was to sacrifice his daughter to Cetus." He thinks to himself, trying to remember the exact story, hoping he isn't just sprouting off a load of nonsense. "Therefore, she was chained to a rock by the sea."</p><p>"What an awful story." She comments, making him nod. "Was she ever saved?"</p><p>"She was saved by the hero Perseus." Peeta tells her, his hand playing with hers over the blanket on their laps. "Perseus and Andromeda then married; the myth tells us that the couple later had nine children together – seven sons and two daughters."</p><p>"Poor Andromeda." She pokes her tongue through her teeth, not liking the thought of having nine children. "As if she didn't suffer enough."</p><p>Poking her side, making her grin and squirm, Peeta nods. "After Andromeda's death, the Greek goddess, Athena, placed her in the sky as a constellation. To honour her, I suppose." He suddenly points up, in the direction of four other constellations, tracing them with his index finger while the rest of his hand keeps hold of his wine. "She's got a few constellations surrounding her, Perseus, Cassiopeia, Cetus and Cepheus. And then they are all connected to..."</p><p>His finger traces down and then stops, making her look at a completely different constellation than the original one. "They are all connected to Pegasus."</p><p>"Wow." She whispers, her eyes staring at them for a long moment. "And which one do you tend to wish on?"</p><p>Peeta shrugs, as if it doesn't really matter, but he clearly has a favourite. He's definitely the type to be sentimental about which star he would wish upon. "Oh, is that the time? I should turn on the radio, it might be nice." He shoots up out of the seat and into the house.</p><p>In the time he's gone, she's on her phone, trying to research which star someone should wish on when she gets an idea, knowing Peeta is sentimental and yet also logical. By the time he comes back, a portable radio in hand playing Panem Radio as usual, she already knows which he would pick.</p><p>'<em>When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you...' </em></p><p>They are blissfully silent as the radio plays, and she nearly makes a remark over the fact that song has been played to death on that station today, but something about the look on his face makes her pause.</p><p>Instead, she turns her head to him, resting it on his shoulder after she puts her glass of wine on the ground beside them, slowly swinging in the seat they're on, her arms wrapping around his waist to pull him closer to her. He, in turn, wraps an arm around her shoulders and presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head.</p><p>That's another thing to tick off the list. A man to hold her close and make her feel safe, with no words needing to be said, just silence and companionship.</p><p>But, she's Katniss, and she can't let things go. It's what her ex always used to tell her, that if she just let things go, she wouldn't get hurt so much. It was always her fault, and even now she fears he'll be mad at her for pushing him too much or intruding. In the back of her mind, she knows Peeta would never intentionally hurt her, but she doesn't want to upset him.</p><p>"Do you wish on Ursa Minor?" She asks quietly, her eyes drifting up to the sky, having no idea where that constellation was, but his eyes give him away when he immediately looks up at it.</p><p>After a pause, he sighs. "I do."</p><p>"Is it because it has the North Star?" She whispers, her tone so quiet she's surprised even she can hear it, but he manages to catch it if his nod is anything to go by.</p><p>Of course Peeta would wish on the oh-so-famous North Star. The brightest star in the night's sky, the one that is one of the main symbols of inspiration and hope, the anchor of the northern sky. It helps those who follow it find their direction, never dimming and only glowing brightly to lead someone to a purposeful destination, to their destiny.</p><p>It's a beacon of hope and inspiration, once used by William Shakespeare in a play. The phrase 'as constant as the northern star' is one she's heard before, though not always in such a flattering context as wishing and hope. It's been screamed at her long before now that 'her ability to fuck things up is as constant as the northern star' though she doesn't tell Peeta that.</p><p>"My dad would wish on it." He whispers, breaking her from her negative thoughts. "And so now I do."</p><p>"What was the last thing you wished for?" Katniss asks, just as she did earlier on in the day, though this time she hopes he might answer her honestly, instead of pretending it was nothing.</p><p>"Something selfish." Peeta shrugs, his eyes catching hers when he looks down, and she catches his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows thickly. "Something very selfish."</p><p>Her breath catches in her throat, as though she knows exactly what he's wished for. She has a vague idea. What could a man like Peeta Mellark want? He has everything, in her eyes. He has a beautiful home, friends who care about him and whom he cares for in return, a family though there's a reason he's never told her to suggest he hasn't seen them for a long time, a job he adores, and the whole of Four thinks he's the most handsome, kind man to ever walk the face of the earth. She thinks that too.</p><p>"Tell me." She whispers, her tone soft, and in his eyes she sees the same longing that is making her heart thud painfully against her chest. "What do you wish for?"</p><p>'<em>Fate is kind, </em><em>she brings to those who love, the sweet fulfillment of their secret longing...'</em></p><p>As if debating his options, his eyes search hers, trying to figure out what his next move should be. "I wished..." He pauses, and as she gives him the tiniest nod, he decides to take the plunge. "For you."</p><p>To her credit, she barely reacts, only licking her lips for a split second, her head lifting off his shoulder so she can move closer to him, their noses brushing up against each other. "Peeta?"</p><p>He freezes, completely unsure of what to do, but his eyes flick from her lips back up to her eyes and it's clear what he hopes she's about to do. "Yeah?"</p><p>"Ask me what I wished for." Katniss gives him the faintest hint of a smile, her hand coming up to cup his cheek tenderly, terrified of scaring him off or worse, scaring herself off. She's terrified of being rejected, despite the fact he just confessed to wishing for her.</p><p>This is it. The moment where her truest desire, what her heart longs for, her whole body aches for, finally comes out. This is the moment of truth. And it's terrifying.</p><p>After a long, long, pause, where the seconds drag on like hours, he finally plucks up the courage to ask, his nose brushing against hers, "What did you wish for?"</p><p>She blinks, taking her time, wanting to remember this moment in case it's the last time he allows her this close, in case he's repulsed by her next words and will no longer want anything to do with her, casting her aside once he's finally gotten her heart, her mind, her want. "I wished...that you would kiss me."</p><p>Peeta turns into stone, going completely stiff at her words, and she briefly worries he's going to fall over if she pushes on him the gentlest amount, but she doesn't allow her mind to wander. Not now. Not when so much rides on him being her sole focus.</p><p>For a terrifying moment, he seems to go to pull away, his mind whirling, before he rethinks it, and he leans in closer, his lips brushing against hers, barely there, like he's testing the waters. When she leans in closer, chasing after him, he gains confidence, finally, <em>finally</em> doing what they've both been too afraid to do.</p><p>His lips descend on hers, and she immediately responds, not wanting there to be even a split second where he doubts her want. This, this, is what they've both wanted for weeks, weeks of tension and longing and aching have led to this, with him being too afraid in case he scares her away, and her being terrified of being rejected. In the end it doesn't matter about his fears and her terrors, because it's happened, and she can't help but think, somewhere in the back of her mind that this is right, that they should have been doing this from the beginning.</p><p>This would have happened no matter what.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Am I completely evil? I think so. Yes, I really, really do. Thank you to Sophie for making me feel better about the whole 'not using a song from the 90s' thing. I know this song is from the 40s but you know what? It's a song, from a film, that fits scarily well with this chapter. I hope you enjoyed! Next chapter's song will be...Unchained Melody? Maybe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Shoop Shoop Song – Cher</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>His lips were soft and warm, tasting of the red wine they had been drinking, and although it was short, it was enough. They had kissed a few times, every one of them short and leaving them both wanting more but neither of them willing to go any further.</p><p>Things were still so new, and they didn't want to push anything too far.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back at it with my 90's films, even though I being naughty and doing the same film twice. This was the main song from the film Mermaids (1990), originally written in like 1960 by Rudy Clark, but because it was rerecorded by Cher in 1990 for the film, it still counts. This chapter has The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss) – Cher.</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>Or is it in his face? Oh no! That's just his charms! In his warm embrace, oh no, that's just his arms! If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss!'</em></p><p>Katniss smiles wide to herself as she taps her foot along to the music in the waiting room, biting down on the inside of her cheek to control how insane she must look.</p><p>The song is an all to present reminder of the fact that she kissed Peeta two nights ago on the Saturday in his back garden. They had finally given into the tension that gripped them, admitting that they both wanted each other. Well, he admitted that he had been wishing on the North Star for her, and she had admitted she wanted him to kiss her. He most certainly did.</p><p>To her, that's admitting way too much. But she did it anyway, and the results were certainly worth waiting for.</p><p>His lips were soft and warm, tasting of the red wine they had been drinking, and although it was short, it was enough. They had kissed a few times, every one of them short and leaving them both wanting more but neither of them willing to go any further.</p><p>Things were still so new, and they didn't want to push anything too far.</p><p>Peeta didn't want to push her because he was scared of making her afraid and having her run, and she didn't want to move fast because she didn't feel ready for that yet. It took all she had not to run away when they'd kissed, terrified she had done it wrong or he was disgusted to be kissing someone like her, but it was perfect, or so he assured her.</p><p>Perfect.</p><p>Definitely not a word Katniss Everdeen would ever associate with herself.</p><p>After, they had stared up at the stars, and he fascinated her with more facts on the constellations above them, before he'd dropped her back to Finnick and Annie's. Well, not it's her home too but she hasn't quite mastered calling it that yet.</p><p>She hadn't seen him since, due to him being busy at work and her just as busy, working a double shift on Sunday so she could have Monday off, but she'd received plenty of texts from him this morning. It's Monday now, and she hasn't felt this nervous in years.</p><p>In her life, she's only ever had one job interview and it was for the diner she worked in back home. She hasn't got any previous experience for the job and in truth; she has no clue what to say. She's not entirely sure why she even came, she didn't apply for the job, Effie offered her an interview and Katniss had jumped at the chance. To have the chance to possibly do something other than wait on tables, the chance to do something different.</p><p>If she's completely honest, her kiss with Peeta was one of the main reason she'd called Effie to arrange an interview time. It would sound juvenile and irrational if she was to speak it aloud, but their kiss had propelled her, plainly because she thought he deserved better. She still does.</p><p>She knows she'll never be completely deserving of him, with his kind, positive outlook towards everything and his unwavering support, but at least she can change the things she is in control of. He's far more intelligent than her, has more friends and is all around a better person, but she can change the small thing of her job to at least be that bit more suited to him. Surely anything is a step up from being a waitress in Sae's diner because she couldn't afford a room anywhere and she worked mostly for free until she moved out of the B&amp;B.</p><p>Even sat next to the other people going for interviews makes her feel inadequate.</p><p>There are three other people in the room, one of them a smallish girl who can't be more than eighteen, with dark hair, in a strange sort of ponytail that has hair ties sectioning it off into four parts, and freckles adorning her cheeks- her phone case has the name Clove on it, which she assumes is her name. The other is a woman who is possibly older than her, though not by much, though she is far smaller than even Katniss and the other girl, with amber eyes and sleek red hair, whom in the back of her mind she's calling Foxface. Last is a skinny young man, though he is tall, who has short light brown hair and green eyes, whom Katniss had heard on the phone before and learned his name was Marvel.</p><p>They're all wearing what is typically worn to interviews, with Marvel in a sleek blue suit that she supposes looks okay, though in her eyes he's trying too hard, whilst Clove is in a peach coloured form fitting dress that Katniss wishes she could even look half as good in, the necklace squared which she usually hates but that suits the other girl well. Foxface though, in Katniss's eyes, is the one she would pick if she were the one doing interviews, as she's wearing quite possibly the most gorgeous light blue blouse and black trousers. She looks like someone who could get things done, intelligent yet with common sense too.</p><p>Katniss looks like none of them, sat there in the uncomfortable hospital chair with a burgundy skirt stopping at her knees that she's paired with a neat white blouse and black blazer, all of the items she's borrowed from Madge, one of the waitresses at work – who was kind enough to allow her to have them for today.</p><p>Her foot taps on the cold, hard, floors of the waiting room, her eyes nervous as she thinks of having to be interviewed. It's been so long, she's no good at this. What if she screwed it up? What if she doesn't get another chance? What if Effie changes her opinion on Katniss? What if she somehow gets the job and is no good at it? Too many thoughts are rolling around in her mind, so many that she gets a migraine.</p><p>"Katniss Everdeen," Someone calls, and she glances up to see a dark skinned man with no hair on his head looking straight at her as he walks over, and she immediately stands, shaking his hand when it's offered. "I'm Joseph Boggs, I'm one of the people doing the interview with you today."</p><p>"Hi, Katniss." She greets, though he already knows that and she grimaces at how stupid she must sound. "But you knew that."</p><p>From behind her, she hears the girl named Clove snicker but she ignores it as the man leads her away into a large room with a table in the middle, chairs surrounding it, probably usually used for meetings. "It's fine to be a little nervous, Effie tells me you're new in town." He closes the door behind her once she's inside before gesturing for her to sit down.</p><p>"Uh, yeah, I moved here two months ago." Katniss tells him with a small smile, sitting down and crossing one leg over the other, her back straight as she knows- from Peeta's coaching- that Effie hates slouching, though she's not sure where Effie is.</p><p>As if by magic, the door opens to reveal Effie, her heels clicking loudly as she rushes into the room and takes the seat next to the man, but not before shaking Katniss's hand of course. Manners always come first. "I apologise for my tardiness, I promise you I am not usually late." She sets the files she was holding down on the table.</p><p>Waving it off, Katniss gives her a nervous smile. "It's fine, I was here twenty minutes early anyway."</p><p>"Well, I must say, I love the punctuality, much better than mine today." Effie jokes, opening up the files she had brought into the room with her. "There was a mix up in a ward and then our interview room got changed last minute- such a hassle."</p><p>Boggs offers her a smile before he takes a small device from his pocket. "Just as standard protocol, we record interviews to go over them later, is that alright?"</p><p>"Of course." She nods, straightening her posture, even though she hasn't moved an inch since she sat down, as Boggs presses record on the device and says a bunch of numbers she assumes will be used to file her interview, though she's too nervous to listen to them properly.</p><p>After a few standard questions that she has no problem answering, for example, her full name and date of birth, she begins to relax slightly, as both Boggs and Effie have friendly demeanors and make jokes to keep the atmosphere pleasant and somehow casual. "What are some of your strengths?" Boggs asks.</p><p>She blanks.</p><p>For a whole thirty seconds, she just stares at them, her mouth gaped open as she tries to think of anything, anything at all, good about herself, before she does a small laugh to attempt to alleviate the panic she feels. "I...am very flexible? And apparently I'm punctual as I learned today." She jokes, making Effie smile encouragingly at her. "I work hard, I don't mind doing extra shifts or anything."</p><p>Writing something down on the small book he had in front of him, Boggs asks another, this one far, far too easy for her to answer. "What are your weaknesses?"</p><p>"Do you want the list or the top ten?" She asks honestly, but the other two laugh so she supposes it was hilarious. Weaknesses she knows, though she's sure they don't want the PowerPoint presentation she has in her head of them, so she goes with the ones that are the most relevant. "I'm impatient, I don't like waiting much though I know it's something I can't avoid. I'm insecure, so I'll always wonder if someone hates me when they just raise their voice, it's a big flaw. I scowl more than I smile, and I'm pretty sure everyone hates me anyway. I hate public speaking, the thought makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry, and I'm no good at it. And though I'm fairly confident I can deal with people politely, I know I have a temper, and it's gotten me in trouble a few times. I-"</p><p>"You can stop." Effie breaks in, making Katniss close her eyes in shame when she realises what she's done. "Really, you're too harsh on yourself, Miss. Everdeen."</p><p>Shaking her head, she assures them she isn't, and though she's fighting the urge to run right out of the room, she tamps it down in favour of opening her eyes and trying her very best. If you don't try, you never know, but the slight frown on Boggs's face and Effie's furrowed brows tells her enough to know she's failed.</p><p>They move on nonetheless, and she hopes the question that comes next will mean she doesn't have to go on a tangent again, but alas, she's wrong. "What was your greatest personal and professional achievement? One for each."</p><p>Professional is easy, very clearly the time at work she was promoted to a manager of the diner she worked in at Twelve, though her ex had made her turn it down, but she pretends she took it, telling them the loose truth. Personal is harder, and she glances down at the floor for a brief moment to try consider what it could be.</p><p>She can't give them an honest answer, as that would reveal too much, but she also can't lie. She's not exactly a great liar and she knows if she got the job, she would get caught out eventually. Old Katniss would have lied, but having met Peeta, she doesn't like the thought of lying even if it benefits her greatly.</p><p>"I, uh, my greatest personal achievement would have to be..." She trails off, chewing on her bottom lip as her foot taps the floor beneath her, making the softest sound when her small heel hits it.</p><p>What on earth could she say? Getting married? It's clearly not that, and to them, she's a Miss. Having a child? She can't say that, she lost it. She failed again. Buying a home? She doesn't have a home; she lives in someone else's house for the smallest amount of rent possibly ever- and she hates that she knows it's out of pity but has no other options. Graduated from college? She never did.</p><p>So instead, she comes up with the worst possible answer. The answer that makes her heart clench up to even admit it, but it's all she has to admit, the only answer that doesn't reveal her past and makes her seem as though she has someone who cares about her, anyone in this world who cares if she's alive or dead.</p><p>"I helped my sister study so she could pass a big exam?" She frowns a how stupid she sounds, and she knows it's hardly something worth mentioning but she has nothing else. She's proud of nothing. "She's training to be a Doctor, so I'm proud."</p><p>"You should be." Effie smiles, though there's a sad look in her eyes that speaks volumes. She knows something is up, that Katniss has more to her that she's never going to admit to, but now is not the time or the place, and if she was to even press a tiny amount, Katniss is certain she'd crumble up and sob in the corner.</p><p>In a moment of panic, knowing her answer was hardly worthy of even mentioning, she throws in the only other thing in this world that could ever matter in someone's life. "I came here." She answers, making the other two look so confused it would be laughable if she weren't so nervous. "I was terrified this morning, I nearly pulled out five times but I came. And I guess that's something to be proud of?"</p><p>Boggs nods, writing something down, and he has the faintest hint of a smile on his face that tells even her that he's happy she changed her answer. "Facing a fear is a huge achievement. You moved here, all alone, and yet you've managed to find a job, somewhere to live, friends or so Effie has mentioned. Effie has spent weeks looking for the perfect person, never saying yes to anyone. And yet, I can tell Effie thought you were brilliant the moment she met you. That's something to be proud of."</p><p>"Is it?" She asks, her brow rising, and she hates the fact her voice breaks. This must be the most unprofessional job interview anyone has ever done, and she's horrified at herself for it.</p><p>"One hundred percent." He confirms, a smile gracing his face, the first genuine one she's seen the whole time she's been sat there.</p><p>In the back of her mind, she hopes this is the turning point of the conversation, the moment where she can get things back on track and maybe even sound like she deserves this job. But she can't move on without admitting something she's utterly ashamed of, something she knows they would find out if they were to hire her anyway. "I lied."</p><p>"About?" Effie frowns, her head tilting in confusion.</p><p>"I'm not Miss. Katniss Everdeen." She tells them, her eyes closing for a brief second, and the pair looks at each other in confusion, obviously having no clue what she was admitting to. She knows it's stupid to admit to, seeing as she has been pretending this whole time, though she did used to be Katniss Everdeen. She isn't any longer. "It was my name, originally...before I got married."</p><p>Effie stares at her in shock, knowing that Peeta was completely enamored with the woman in front of her, and finding out she was married without Peeta knowing – to Effie's knowledge anyway- wasn't something she was expecting. She reaches over the pause the tape, a frown on her face. "Does Doctor Mellark know?" She whispers, making Boggs look around the room for help as though a divine being will explain everything to him.</p><p>Katniss nods, her eyes ashamed and she can't resist the urge to curl up this time, her arms wrapping around herself gently. "I...came here because I was running from my husband. And I know I have to tell you because if you were to look me up, I wouldn't be as Katniss Everdeen anymore."</p><p>It's the only reason she's admitting it, plainly because she hates herself for being a liar, but she wants to be Katniss Everdeen again, not the awful name she was given when she was forced into her marriage to her husband in name only.</p><p>Effie's eyes soften, and she reaches over to take Katniss's hand as if she understands. "Oh, Katniss." She whispers, her expression sympathetic, and she nudges Boggs with her elbow to grab her a tissue when a tear rolls down her face. "Look at me." She requests.</p><p>Katniss's eyes find hers, but her free hand not holding Effie's reaches out to take the offered tissue from Boggs, dabbing her eyes.</p><p>"To us, you will be Katniss Everdeen." She whispers softly, a small, empathetic smile on her lips. "You do not need to explain anything, but thank you for being honest. We will never call you anything but Everdeen, all of your documents here will be to Katniss Everdeen."</p><p>"But -"</p><p>"Let me worry about that." Effie tells her simply, her thumb brushing over the younger woman's knuckles. "You just think about how you'll tell Doctor Mellark you'll be working alongside him from now on. If you still want the job that is?"</p><p>Her eyes widen, never having dreamt Effie would ever offer her a job after she admitted to lying, gave awful answers and even started crying in front of her and Boggs. Why would Effie give her a job? "Wait, you're offering me the job?"</p><p>"Congratulations, Miss. Everdeen."</p><hr/><p>Two weeks after she's offered- and has accepted- the job at the hospital, she's just gotten home from her last shift at Sae's when she's shocked to find Peeta sat on the couch, raising an eyebrow at him. "Hi."</p><p>Smiling wide, Peeta jumps up, using the remote to turn off whatever he was watching on TV. "Evening." He greets, making his way over until he's stood in front of her, and for a brief moment she thinks he's going to kiss her. But he doesn't, of course.</p><p>The pair hasn't spoken about their kiss that night, but there's been a definite shift in their dynamic. She isn't quite sure what that shift is, because they don't discuss it and none of their actions towards one another change, but she feels differently. There's an obvious tension between them that she doesn't know if she likes it or despises it, and she's desperate to kiss him again but she isn't sure if it's something she's truly ready for.</p><p>For now, their steady friendship is enough for her, though in her heart she knows that's just her brain lying to her.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" She asks with a soft smile, glad to see him as she's barely heard from him in days, with him always being busy and her working her ass off at the diner. "I thought I was seeing you tomorrow?" She asks, before quickly adding. "No that I'm not glad to see you."</p><p>Since she told him about her getting the job, he had managed to talk Effie into giving her the same shifts as him, so that he could help her get used to the flow of the Emergency Room and pick her up in the morning and drop her off home, knowing she would need a few weeks to get used to it all. She's thankful, as it means- for a few weeks at least- that she'll get to see more of him, but she wasn't expecting him to be at hers now.</p><p>"I'm here to take you out." Peeta tells her, and she feels a flutter of excitement in her belly. "Finnick and Annie told me this morning they wanted to take you for a pub dinner to celebrate the job and to pick you up."</p><p>Swallowing her disappointment, she fakes a smile; "They didn't mention it to me." She shrugs, as it does sound like something Finnick and Annie would do, constantly keeping her on her toes and doing things for her even though she never asks and certainly doesn't expect it.</p><p>"Think it was meant to be a surprise." Peeta admits, looking sheepish as he shoves his hands in his pockets. "Don't say I told you. Annie said she left a dress on your bed...I have no clue of anything else."</p><p>Rolling her eyes, she tells him to give her a minute before she heads upstairs, and there is indeed a clean, new, cream box on her bed. Upon opening it, she finds a dark blue dress inside, making her gasp at how elegant it is, far too nice for a simple pub dinner, but since Annie is expecting her to wear it, she figures she should.</p><p>As she puts it on, she's glad to find it has a boat neck, covering up her chest, and long sleeves that puff at the wrists ever so slightly, and she's thankful as she knows Finnick would have told Annie how insecure she is of the scars littering her arms and chest, so she's well aware the dress was bought keeping her in mind.</p><p>Examining herself in the mirror, she actually smiles, surprised at how much she likes how she looks. She never smiles in the mirror, so it's a pleasant shock for once.</p><p>In the bottom of the box, there is a sash belt that she puts on, and she finds it does make her look far better, and she never realised how trim her waist was.</p><p><em>Is this what Peeta is on about when he mentions feeding her up? </em>Katniss thinks, before brushing those thoughts away. Peeta never says those things to hurt her, simply an observation, a correct one, and he's always trying to feed her with his delightful concoctions of food he makes. As well as being an excellent baker, he can cook better than anyone she's ever met. He's a much better cook than her, though that isn't a contest.</p><p>She doesn't bother with too much make up, seeing as she barely owns any in the first place and it's only dinner, it's not like she's going for a posh evening out and needs to look her best. She looks good now, and saying that is shocking enough. At first, she worries that she doesn't look as good as she feels she does, walking down the stairs with her bag on her arm, the short heels she had on clicking with every step until she's in front of Peeta again</p><p>Though, by the look on his face, she wishes she had bothered with make up.</p><p>He's silent, only staring at her as though she's interchangeable to an alien from another land, his hand stilled from where it had been scratching his jaw. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes are wide, but that doesn't last long as his mouth opens and closes like he's trying to say something important.</p><p>However, despite all his grappling, he settles with. "You look...literally jaw-dropping."</p><p>"Literally." She smirks, as she had seen his jaw drop when she'd come down the stairs, but her initial thoughts had been she looked so awful it warranted running back up. Though she's glad of the correction, she can't help but feel she looks overdressed compared to him in sleek, grey trousers and dress shirt. Actually, come to think of it, he looks more dressed up than usual. "Why are we so dressed up to go to dinner with Finnick and Annie?"</p><p>Peeta shrugs his shoulders, his eyes meeting hers once more as he pulls his phone out of his pocket, only glancing down to pull something up on it before handing it to her. "Finnick texted me this morning, saying to put on the clothes he left in my house, not to ask how he got in my house before I even woke up, and for you to wear the clothes Annie leaves you before bringing you to The Hob pub at nine."</p><p>He recites the text actually as it is, word for word in fact. Katniss hums before passing his phone back to him, but she's still suspicious. "You guys are up to something."</p><p>"Normally, I would agree, but today I am as lost as you are." He pockets his phone as he walks to the door, grabbing the nicer one of her two coats and helping her into it. He offers her his arm, and she takes it, letting him lead her outside and to his car. "For once."</p><p>"Fair-Hey!" She pokes his arm. "That better be a crappy joke or you're on my list."</p><p>"Your list? What's that about?"</p><p>"Hopefully, you'll never find out." She warns, but her eyes are twinkling, showing she clearly doesn't mean it. She could never put him on her list of people she wants to punch. So far she only has Cliff Richard, as that man pops up everywhere on TV she watches, her ex-technically current- husband, and a customer that slapped her ass when she first came to town who she doesn't know the name of but still wants to punch.</p><p>As if Peeta Mellark could ever be on that list.</p><p>Exactly on time and not a minute too early or too late, which is shocking for Peeta because he's usually twenty minutes early for everything, they're walking in the door of a darkened pub, with her questioning if it's even open despite the sign saying it is, and even Peeta seems as confused as she is.</p><p>"Is this place even-" She starts saying, only to be cut off by the lights turning on and a bunch of people jump up from behind the bar, tables, everywhere.</p><p>"Surprise!" They all seem to yell in unison, with a few too early and a few too late, scaring the wits out of the pair of them and making Katniss immediately go to run from the shock, heading face first into Peeta's chest.</p><p>"What is this?" Peeta asks, taking her hand when she holds a hand to her heart that's thumping against her chest so hard it hurts, whilst his free hand not holding hers wraps around her shoulders. "It's not your birthday yet is it?"</p><p>Finnick comes over, a massive smile on his face, Annie just behind him. "This is your surprise, sorry to see you go, glad to have you join the team party!" He exclaims, his smile only growing wider somehow. "Us at the hospital are excited to have you, the girls and guys at the diner are sad to see you leave, so we joined forces in giving you a good send off slash welcoming."</p><p>Her eyes widen in shock, but her heart stops racing enough for her to speak. "What?" She whispers.</p><p>No one has ever thrown her a party before. Her parents could never afford it, and then her father died and her mother checked out so she never had one after, and even when she got married, she was only coerced into going to the Justice Hall and sign some papers. When she got a job in Twelve, she was never even given congratulations or well done, just a gruffed out response that she was a failure for not doing better.</p><p>The fact that all of these people, people she doesn't truly know but was half introduced to when she did an induction day at the hospital to pick up some information on the job, and people from Sae's who she's worked with for less than three months, have all come together to throw her a party...</p><p>Well, it sends tears to her eyes, and she purses her lips to stop them, instead hugging Annie and Finnick individually with small whispers of thank yous. Everyone takes that as a sign to get drinks in, and they all flock to the bar or to Katniss herself, either introducing themselves or giving her a hug.</p><p>She loses sight of Peeta with everyone around her, and she hates the way her heart races in panic, needing him by her side. Katniss had no clue what to say to new people, and with everyone focusing their attention on her all at once, her brain just whirled.</p><p>Plastering on a smile, she makes her way around the room slowly, accepting a glass of wine from Effie when it's offered, but she only takes two sips before she feels like everyone is staring again.</p><p>Never in her life has she felt so thankful and yet so panicked. It's why she hates public speaking, she hates unnecessary attention, she hates people staring at her and hearing far too many conversations going on at once, hearing laughter behind her that makes her think it's directed at her like it has been so many times in the past.</p><p>Maybe if she wasn't already tired, and there weren't so many people all laughing around her, enjoying themselves, having a good time like they should do, she wouldn't have reacted in the way she did. But she can't help it, and so when she looks around for Peeta frantically, knowing he would help her and take questions so she doesn't have to, and someone comes up to her with another question, she just snaps.</p><p>It's not the fact they wanted to speak to her, rather her already panicked mind and the way her thoughts are whirling so much she has a migraine, and the way they moved, one hand braced most likely to give her a hug, but her mind takes as a threat. Instead of accepting a hug like most people would, she steps back, her eyes wide even as she hits the bar. "Please don't!" She flinches, and the person stops in their tracks.</p><p>It's Sae, and in her mind she should have known. She's so stupid. But she feels her eyes brim with tears when she notes the hurt, concerned, look in her old bosses eyes. "I'm so sorry." Katniss whispers, quickly stepping away from the bar. "I'm so sorry." She repeats.</p><p>She can hear her blood pounding in her ears. Her heart thudding so hard in her chest that she thinks she might be having a heart attack. Her hands shake as they come up to guard her chest, as though it will help the pain. Her feet tingle like pins and needles and her vision disfigures through what she thinks are the tears, like she's looking through a telescope, her vision tunneling to focus on nothing but the pure, blinding, terror she feels. She has to get away. "Sorry, I'm so sorry."</p><p>Though she doesn't give Sae a chance to respond, rushing away from her to the bathroom, not taking a breath until she's locked away in a stall, heaving loudly. She's glad no one else is in the bathroom with her in that moment.</p><p>Her mouth is dry despite the fact she's been drinking, and she feels like a glass of water would only make things worse, even though she's sweating and she feels the telltale sign of bile in the back of her throat. The nausea clawed at her throat, and she tried to force down the bile, but it was too late.</p><p>Throwing open the toilet lid, she falls onto her knees, barely having time to lift her hair from her face before she's vomiting violently into the porcelain bowl, feeling the undigested food she'd eaten earlier in the day come back up painfully as she coughs, her stomach forcing it out until she had nothing left to give, contracting painfully.</p><p>By the time she's gotten it all up, her face is dripping with sweat and tears she hadn't realised she was shedding, her breathes coming out in wheezing pants, unable to get enough air in, and she begins to sob, terror gripping her as she feels like she could die.</p><p>She can't breathe.</p><p>Catching the pungent stench of her previous vomiting, she heaves over the bowl again even though there was nothing left to give, her ears blocking out any noise. She can't do anything but retch, coughing and clutching her stomach with one hand whilst the other holds her hair.</p><p>There's no one there to hold her or stroke her back, as she had run off without saying anything to anyone except Sae, and her old boss isn't the type to chase after someone. She can't with the way her knees are. But in that moment, Katniss wishes she had told someone.</p><p>She can't breathe.</p><p>With no clue what's happening to her, she just feels like she's dying. <em>Is this what a heart attack feels like?</em> Is this how she's going to die? Knelt on a pubs bathroom floor unable to breathe, sobbing her heart out and vomiting? She can't. No one knows where she is; she doesn't want to die alone.</p><p>The thought makes her heave again, and in her state of fear, she doesn't hear or feel anything until, all of a sudden, someone is taking her hair from her, rubbing a hand up and down her back, and her hearing begins to come back very slowly, still muffled but back enough to hear a very familiar voice.</p><p>"Katniss," It's Madge, her tone soft and gentle, almost like she's comforting a child. "It's me, it's Madge. You're okay, you'll be okay." She whispers, quickly putting up Katniss's hair in a ponytail with a hairband she had on her wrist, and it does feel better not having it in her face.</p><p>She can't speak, unable to do anything except heave and sob, but Madge's hands rubbing over her back and shoulders, her gentle words of encouragement and the calming motions seem to be working, as she can finally feel her legs again, even though they're tingling painfully from her position on the floor.</p><p>"It's okay. You're going to be just fine." She whispers, making Katniss shake her head, her eyes unable to focus, her mind whirling, her stomach heaving painfully.</p><p>"No," She manages to say, unsure of how she's speaking, as she doesn't even recognise her own voice. "Madge, Madge, help." She sobs, her hands bracing on the toilet bowl, and she fights another vomiting spell. "Madge, please, I feel like I-please...I can't-I can't breathe. I can't-"</p><p>"You can." Madge corrects, her voice slightly firmer and yet still encouraging. "You can do this, just breathe when I do." She grabs Katniss's hand in her own and brings it to her chest so she can feel her inhaling and exhaling. "Breathe in." She tells her, inhaling herself. "One, two, three. Breathe out." She exhales, forcing Katniss to follow.</p><p>It doesn't work, and the more time drags on, the more she sobs, the more Katniss panics. "I can't." She sobs, her hand falling from Madge's chest, never feeling like more a failure than she does in that moment.</p><p>How did she ever think she was getting better? She's so stupid. She's no better, she just hid things from her own brain, and now her body was punishing her for it, killing her from the inside out.</p><p>Losing focus, she feels Madge move, and for a brief second Katniss feels like she's left her. Madge has left her because she's a failure who can't even breathe properly, someone who's too much of a fuck up to even warrant a quiet death, someone who can't even handle a party thrown for her lovingly by her friends and colleagues.</p><p>But she hasn't, and Madge is still in the room, only having moved so someone else could take her place. Taking over in the small cubicle is the one person that Katniss wanted more than anyone and yet simultaneously the person she didn't want to see her like this.</p><p>Peeta.</p><p>To his credit, he doesn't look or sound half as worried as Madge did, even though Katniss can tell by the look in his eyes he's shocked and terrified, and she barely hears him, but she certainly feels him pull her into his arms from the side, pressing kisses to her sweaty temple like he doesn't care how disgusting she is.</p><p>"Katniss look at me, look at me." He whispers soothingly, her eyes finding his as she follows his directions, her head turning to face him, her eyes wide and her breaths coming out harshly. "It's me, you know me."</p><p>"P-Peeta," She wheezes out, a sob leaving her body in relief. He's a Doctor, he can help her, she's dying and he can help her. She can just be his patient for now and it won't affect their friendship at all, he won't think less of a dying woman, he would never do that. "Please, I can't-"</p><p>"I know," He brushes a stray hair away from her face as she crawls closer to him of her own accord, needing to be in his embrace. "But it's okay because I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. Would I?"</p><p>She shakes her head. He's right. Peeta would never let her die; he would never allow anything or anyone to hurt her. He's going to help her, she'll be fine, she can go back to normal, and he can help. "I-I-Peeta, I'm really scared." She manages, and he pulls her closer, letting her shift herself in between his spread legs.</p><p>Peeta sits down on the floor properly, letting her sit with her back against his chest, and takes the bucket Madge has managed to find from somewhere, making Katniss open her own legs slightly so he can put the bucket between them should she need to throw up again and can't reach the toilet. His arms wrap around her loosely, letting her pull away if she wants, but she only buries back on him more, needing him warmth and comfort.</p><p>"It's okay. It's okay." He whispers, his mouth by her ear, his arms tightening ever so slightly around her when she nods. "I'm here. There is nothing to be scared of." He encourages, making her press herself back on him tightly so she can feel his calm breathing, forcing her to do the same.</p><p>It takes nearly half an hour, but she calms down slowly, and within that time, she hadn't thrown up again. Madge kept people out, locking the door and guarding it from the outside, and Peeta will have to remember to thank her later on when he hasn't got a crying woman in his embrace.</p><p>After that half an hour, she's managed to calm herself enough, with his help, to only let out soft whimpers, her legs curling and her body swiveling to press her face into his chest, her hands in fists on his chest. "Peeta, please don't go. I'm sorry." She whispers. "Just stay with me?"</p><p>He nods, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Always."</p><p>It's only the second time she's asked it of him, but he'll never respond with anything but the answer he gave the first time. He's never leaving her side, no matter the situation or her state, or how much she panics, even though he knows his mother would kill him for it. His mother doesn't matter, not when she's the reason he is how he is, the reason he can't sleep most days. No, he's not listening to his mother, or anyone who would ever tell him any different.</p><p>He belongs right next to her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I feel bad for doing that to her. Then again, I never said this was a happy story so I didn't lie. I just gave you a glimmer (teehee) of hope and then dangled the dream and tugged it away. Please let me know what you thought of this, especially the scene where she has a panic attack because I'm so scared I didn't make it realistic, I know what mine have felt like the very rare time I've ever had one and I hope I did it justice.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Only You – Yazoo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It was no surprise; the broken little boy from a broken home wanted something different. He just wanted to be free, to be able to live without the fear of someone getting angry and beating him for doing one wrong move. His father, sure, was kind, and the only happy memories he has from his childhood come from him and his brothers. But, at the same time, he thinks his father must have seen the bruises on his youngest sons body, he must have known what was going on in his own home.</p><p>Yet, he never did. At least, that's what Peeta likes to think.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am once again ruining my wonderful nineties theme but I'm not reaching as far back as the 1940's like I did last time so don't worry. Instead, I'm only going 8 years back to 1982 with a very accurate song, my favourite song in the world, to go with this chapter which I hope (so long I don't change my mind) will be sweeter than the previous one. The song is from the TV show (not the movie but I'm sure it's been used in movies) Ashes To Ashes from the UK. The song is Only You – Yazoo.</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies / TV shows they belong to.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love, can you hear me? Came back only yesterday, I'm moving further away, want you near me...'</em></p><p>Peeta grumbles as he wakes up to the soft sounds of the radio beside him, leaning over and turning it off before it can wake up the sleeping woman near him.</p><p>He had just spent the night on the floor, sleeping on some pillows with a blanket draped over him, still in his trousers and shirt from the night before, his head pounding and he wishes it was from alcohol intake.</p><p>Last night had been awful.</p><p>Never in his life has he been so scared, having to act calm whilst the woman he's very quickly beginning to fall for, if he's not already there, sobbed and vomited, thinking she was dying and begging him to save her.</p><p>In his time as a Doctor, though a short time so far, he's never felt such blinding panic and fear, never felt so helpless even when patients have died on him on a hospital bed. The way he felt the night before was how he felt as a child, petrified and seeing no way out, seeing no light at the end of the tunnel, the fear gripping him like a monster under the bed at night.</p><p>It's his fault, which just makes everything one hundred times worse. He was the one who brought her to the party, even though he thought it was just dinner and a few drinks. That dinner and a few drinks never happened, and neither did the party, not really.</p><p>Katniss had been shocked when everyone had jumped out to surprise her, but she had seemed to calm down and he thought she'd be okay. Someone had pulled him aside and so he'd left her, and he never should have left her side because the next time he saw her, she was having the worst panic attack he had ever seen someone have in the bathroom, feeling like she was dying and sobbing furiously in his arms.</p><p>Madge had managed to keep everyone away but he knew Katniss felt humiliated after. She was exhausted, curled up in his arms and still shaking from her episode, but he had seen the fear of everyone seeing her in her eyes, he had seen her tears after because of embarrassment. So instead of even trying to get her up and try to act normal, he had carried her in his arms back to his car and driven her back to Finnick and Annie's, before carrying her to her room and putting her to bed.</p><p>She'd fallen asleep the moment her head hit the pillow, her hand grasping his tightly, and he hadn't the heart to leave her. So, he had built a makeshift bed on the floor and spent the night by her side, waking up every few hours to check on her, and because he couldn't sleep.</p><p>It was terrifying for him, to see the woman he cares about so deeply that way. To see her sobbing and telling him she was scared. That's what had really killed him, hearing her tell him she was scared. Katniss, to him and to everyone else, is usually so put together and strong, she shows no emotion and tries to remain vague about her life before moving to Four. She tries to help others if she can, though she doesn't dwell on it if she can't like he does, and though she scowls and pretends not to care, he knows she does.</p><p>To have her be scared of something, of a situation, that he had unknowingly put her in. Well, it broke his heart.</p><p>As a child, he spent most of his time being afraid. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, being in the wrong place a the wrong time, having the wrong facial expression, breathing to loudly. He had been terrified to move in his own home for fear of his mother taking out her anger on him. He'd once burnt bread by accident in the bakery and she'd hit him so hard he had bruises for weeks.</p><p>Though, for him it was always her words that hurt more than her physically punching him. The older and stronger he got, the less those hits hurt, and the more he could move and move faster made it that much easier. But he could never truly escape the words she would spit at him.</p><p>Pathetic.</p><p>Disappointment.</p><p>Waste of space.</p><p>Unlovable.</p><p>Those were a very select few she used to love to spew at him, especially when he was at his lowest, say he got a bad grade on a report card or someone at school had upset him or he had fallen over and scraped his knee. She would tell him exactly how awful he was, what pathetic crybaby he was, that he shouldn't be so sensitive, what woman would ever love a man like him?</p><p>If his own mother couldn't love him, how could anyone else?</p><p>Even thinking about it makes his heart clench, and he pulls his knees to his chest as the words settle on him. She was right, of course, about him. He is sensitive, things hurt him and there is nothing he can do about it, he tried to be harder and to be more like his rough and tumble brothers but he had no chance. They enjoyed football and rugby and contact sports that broke bones, and whilst he was good at wrestling – though he came second to his brother, which his mother loves to point out- in school, he didn't enjoy it that much.</p><p>He much prefers his own company, most of the time, though he does enjoy getting to know people and he has friends, he's friendly with people and he has never struggled in the social skills department. But he enjoys being left to his own devices, whether it is to bake or paint, or to just read a book or stare out the window and not do anything at all.</p><p>His mother had hated it, hated him.</p><p>Glancing back at Katniss, he sighs, the peaceful look on her face doing nothing to quiet his fretting mind. Last night, he felt worse than useless, which he feels he was. Madge found her, managed to get her to calm at least a little bit, and though he may have held her, he doesn't fell like he did anything worthy of mentioning. She did it on her own; she was strong enough to do it on her own. He knew that, she just needed reminding.</p><p>She's so much like him, and yet at the same time she's the complete opposite. Her past, though he only knows small doses of it, is eerily similar to his, with different people involved but the premise is the same.</p><p>It kills him to think she ever suffered the same torture he did, the hateful words, the beatings, the way he knows she's been forced to do things no person should ever have to do. Though he's never had to do even half of the things she did, he has been hit and verbally assaulted more times than he can count.</p><p>At first, at home, when he was a young boy of barely five, his mother wasn't that bad. She would yell at him, call him names, though he doesn't remember it too much and what mother didn't yell at her child? It wasn't until he was older; maybe nine or ten, and he'd seen how the other mothers were when their children were upset that he'd even thought differently.</p><p>He'd known Delly Cartwright since they were both in the womb, their parents being friends – rather, their fathers being friends, not their mothers- and he'd seen how her parents were with her.</p><p>When she made a mistake, they scolded her but then taught her how to fix it. If she cried, they would console her, find out the root of the problem and make things better. If she acted up, they would reprimand her and tell her to never do it again, but there was no real heat to their words, and her father always had a kind smile for after.</p><p>He wishes he could have been given her childhood instead of the one he got, but then that would mean Delly wouldn't have gotten it, and he'd rather be the one suffering if it meant saving someone else from that pain.</p><p>It was no surprise; the broken little boy from a broken home wanted something different. He just wanted to be free, to be able to live without the fear of someone getting angry and beating him for doing one wrong move. His father, sure, was kind, and the only happy memories he has from his childhood come from him and his brothers. But, at the same time, he thinks his father must have seen the bruises on his youngest sons body, he must have known what was going on in his own home.</p><p>Yet, he never did. At least, that's what Peeta likes to think.</p><p>It wasn't until he was fourteen years old that the big event came, the moment that someone finally paid attention and it was only because of where he ended up.</p><p>His birthday had just passed, and he had never been allowed to have cakes or any kind of pastries despite the fact he was a literally a child in a cake shop, constantly wanting but never receiving. His mother wouldn't tolerate her youngest son '<em>getting any fatter than he was'</em> and he daren't go against her.</p><p>But a few days after his birthday, he'd seen some young girl curled up on the bench outside, sobbing her heart out, and he had gone to see if she was okay. She had had on a black dress, with a braid going down the left side, and she had told him she had run from her fathers funeral – the pain being too much to bare. She had told him that her mother had shut down on her, and how she hadn't eaten in days.</p><p>Something inside of him had snapped, and he'd gone back into the bakery, leaving her outside and in his haze, didn't realise how awful it was to do that. But, he'd snuck loaf of bread into his pocket before bringing it out and giving it to her. The girl had been so thankful, she'd pressed a tentative kiss to his cheek, and though he never learned her name or anything else about her, he'd always remember that kiss.</p><p>How could he ever forget his first love?</p><p>He had gone home with a big grin on his face, only for his mother to have grab him by the arm roughly and throw him into the nearest wall, berating him and belittling him for '<em>giving away precious food at the nearest bit of skirt because no one else would want him'</em>. She'd grabbed the nearest thing to her and slashed a large cut along his chest, only for his older brother, Rye, to walk in with his father, and the pair managed to get her away.</p><p>Because of the pain, he had blacked out, waking up in hospital hours later, and being left with a permanent scar he still had to this day. Red, raised and still angry to this day, right above his heart.</p><p>By the time he had been allowed to go back home, his mother was gone.</p><p>Though, it didn't last, not that he expected it too, and despite the fact his father had made her go to many, many therapy sessions, anger management classes, counseling upon counseling sessions and god knows what else, she was still as horrible to him as before. After though, she never hit him, not like before, though her words were just as cruel, and every so often she would give him a light smack- never hard enough to leave a mark but enough for him to know she never changed, she just got better at hiding it.</p><p>The second he turned eighteen and finished with school, he had grabbed his things and moved with Rye- who was only twenty at the time- to Four. Their father paid for them to have a small apartment there, and it was so tiny they used to take turns on the couch or the floor, and they never had the ability to cook as there was no space, but it didn't matter because anything was better than being with their mother to him.</p><p>He had met Finnick and then it was decided, he would never leave. The pair did everything together, getting through university together and both of them passed all their exams together. They helped one another, studied together, and they had both managed to pass a year earlier than they expected, with them being twenty-five when they finally began to work at the hospital in Four.</p><p>Peeta had chosen Pediatrics, whilst Finnick mainly stuck to Emergency Medicine, but his mother had been so berating, so degrading and awful despite the fact he was a qualified doctor, plainly because of his choice, that he'd worked with Finnick within two months of being in Pediatrics.</p><p>It was the least he could do to avoid having a nightly phone call with his mother chewing him out, telling him what a disappointment he is.</p><p>Then, six months into his work in the Emergency Room, he met Katniss Everdeen. And now, having known her for nearly three months and been a doctor for ten months, he had never been so afraid of something.</p><p>He never thought he'd be afraid of someone having a panic attack, as it's not even on the list of the top two hundred worst things he's ever seen, but it's different when it's someone you care about. Someone he might even love one day, though he isn't sure if he'd ever be ready to tell her that.</p><p>Katniss Everdeen deserves so much better than a failure of a son, who couldn't find anyone else to love him, who isn't sure what love really feels like if he's honest, and a failure of a man who couldn't even help her during the scariest thing that's happened to her since being in Four. She said he helped, but he doesn't think he did. He could have done so much more; he could have protected her better.</p><p>It doesn't matter now. All that matters is that she's safe.</p><p>As if on cue, or like she knew he was thinking about her, Katniss lets out a soft mumble of his name, waking up and opening her eyes slowly to greet him. "Peeta?" She whispers, her fuzzy brain trying to make sense as to why he's sat on the floor beside her bed.</p><p>Rubbing a hand over his face, he offers her a small smile, and his eyes catch the clock to see the time, knowing he had to get to work soon. "Morning." He greets, his smile widening slightly when she reaches out to grab his hand sleepily, and he presses a kiss to her knuckles.</p><p>She mumbles something tiredly, and he catches a faint blush on her cheeks at the kiss, and the look on his face must reflect his confusion as she opens her eyes fully before repeating her words. "I like waking up to you."</p><p>"I do too." He admits, though his back is killing him and he's exhausted, the sight of her in the morning smiling made it all worthwhile. "Do you need anything before I have to go to work?"</p><p>Katniss shakes her head, but she leans over the side of her bed, moving slowly as if she's terrified of him rejecting her. Peeta felt heat rise from his stomach to his chest as Katniss got closer and his heart decided to clench in that moment, as it had been weeks since they last kissed and he was always so worried about frightening her off.</p><p>His whole body tingled, the feel of her frame leaning into his as she presses her lips to his, her free hand bracing on his shoulder to keep her upright, and it's over far too soon for his liking. "Have a good day at work." She whispers quietly, her breath ghosting on his bottom lip, her nose nudging against his.</p><p>Cupping her cheek with his free hand, he smiles and pulls her lips to his again, claiming her mouth again, this time slightly hungrier, and the soft moan she lets out makes him more confident, his hand slipping to her waist as a bid to pull her closer. To his delight, she only deepens their kiss, her hands tugging him up by his shirt until he's climbing next to her on the bed to join her, her hands slipping between the buttons of his shirt.</p><p>Her lips are warm yet slightly dry from where she hadn't had a drink in hours, but to him it's perfect, and he allows her to move at whatever pace she wishes, which works in his favour, as before long, she's pulling away, and he hates it yet inside is glad. He knows if they carried on, it would be too fast and he would never leave her.</p><p>From how hard she's breathing, her chest heaves slightly, and her hand slips out from under his bare chest to rest over her heart. "Have a good day at work." She repeats, a smile playing on her lips.</p><p>"I will now."</p><hr/><p>He never should have told anyone. It may be the worst decision he's ever made in his entire life. But he couldn't help it, their kiss that morning was one of the biggest developments in their budding relationship, if he can even call it that, and he'd been so happy it was bursting out of his pores.</p><p>So he made the mistake of telling Finnick at work. "No!" He exclaims, his eyes wide as he gestures for their colleague to join them. "Thresh, come here, something huge happened in our Everlark story!"</p><p>"Oh, Everlark news?" Thresh grins wide, carrying over three coffees in a holder from the coffee shop down the street, having popped out to get them all one whilst they got their break together. "I've been so excited to hear about this for weeks, my girlfriend has been keeping it on her calendar of all Everlark based events."</p><p>Ah, yes, Everlark. In the recent weeks, Peeta had forgotten about that particular nickname for them, or as Finnick called it 'a ship name'. All good couples had one. Taking her last name and his last name together. Apparently, with their first names, the only thing the others could come up with was Peenis or Kateeta and even finding one for their last names was a struggle – with Thresh suggesting Melladeen at least fifty times before his girlfriend came up with Everlark.</p><p>Everyone had to have a 'ship name' according to his two colleagues. Thresh and his girlfriend, Rue, had the name Thrue meanwhile Finnick and Annie had Odesta.</p><p>Apparently, Peeta's suggestion of Thrush and Fannie weren't appreciated when it came to naming his friends relationships. He was banned from naming them until Haymitch and Effie got together and Peeta had cleverly suggested Hayffie, and his power to name was since reinstated.</p><p>In one conversation, his colleagues and friends had admitted that since Finnick and Annie lived with Katniss, and Finnick worked with Peeta, they had started a group chat with Thresh and Rue, since Thresh and Peeta tend to be on the same shifts and Rue works with Katniss, dedicated to documenting Everlark moments, looks, kisses, words, anything. Their dedication is strong, seeing as the text alert is one of Finnick screaming at the top of his lungs 'EVERLARK!' that they all seem to have.</p><p>Katniss was aware of it, according to Rue, but ignored it as she found it childish. If Katniss could ignore it, so could he, and they both know it was only created because their friends care about them and want them to be happy. They can't get mad about that. Though Katniss did try.</p><p>No one, upon looking at Thresh, would ever assume he would be interested in something like a group chat dedicated to a couple that hasn't even happened yet, but that would be where they were wrong. Especially since Thresh began that group chat.</p><p>Admittedly, when Peeta first met him, he was terrified due to the older man's height. His friend, though a complete teddy bear would wouldn't even hurt a fly let alone another human being, who worked in Pediatrics for a couple of years before moving to Emergency Medicine just like Peeta. Though Peeta isn't particularly tall, a fact he hates, Thresh is the tallest man he's ever met, standing proudly at well over six feet. He has dark skin and very cropped dark hair, and he has the strangest golden brown eyes Peeta has ever seen. The fear was not helped by the fact his friend and colleague also has muscles like an ox.</p><p>Now, however, Peeta is more terrified of Effie than Thresh.</p><p>"Katniss kissed him this morning." Finnick tells Thresh after he's put their coffees on the table they're all sat around in the break room. Thresh; quite literally, does a mini jump for joy in the air before sitting down. "Peeta kissed back."</p><p>"You guys kissed?" His friend grins so wide, Peeta is afraid it hurts, though he seems too delighted to notice. "Well what does this mean? Are you two together now? Will you ask her out? What does all this mean? Can I be your best man at your wedding? I don't know much about weddings but I can tell you, I'm excited!"</p><p>"Thresh," Finnick scolds, laying a hand on the taller mans shoulder to calm him down, and for a split second, Peeta thinks Finnick will reprimand him for going too fast. "I am best man, but you can be witness?"</p><p>"Deal." They shake on it, making Peeta glare. "Sorry. Tell us the story."</p><p>Sighing, Peeta takes one of the to-go mugs of coffee, sipping at it and wincing when the hot liquid scalds his tongue. "I woke up, I sat up, and then she woke up. I kissed her hand and she kissed me. Then, I kissed back."</p><p>"Peeta, can we make this sound less like bullet points about a family holiday to Marbella and make it sound more like you kissing the woman you're falling in love with?" Thresh complains, his nose scrunched in disappointment. "Give us details, how did it feel, how did you feel? Did you talk about last night?"</p><p>"Was she okay with it? Did she panic?" Finnick continues on with the line of questioning, both of them sounding far, far too interested. "What did she say? What did you say? Did you hold her? Did you go slowly? Don't you dare move too fast and scare her off!" Finnick warns, though he knows his friend never would.</p><p>Groaning, he rests his head on the back of the chair, wondering how much he should tell them. They're his friends, and he knows they would never push him to answer, but Katniss should come first and he doesn't want to embarrass her by telling them too much. "It was...amazing. Sweaty palms, thudding heart, butterflies in the stomach amazing. Fan-freaking-tastic. Happy?"</p><p>"Somewhat." Finnick deadpans, before waving his hand, wanting Peeta to continue.</p><p>"I just...I like her, okay?" Peeta tells them, hating how stereotypical he sounds. He's not normally this way; he's usually so open and happy to tell people about his feelings. But now, thinking about Katniss, he just worries that him telling them is a dishonor to her, like he's sharing more than he should. "I haven't felt this way about anyone since I was fourteen years old. I only knew that girl for minutes but I fell hard and fast. Now, with Katniss, it's like it's happening all over again. But everything is still so new, so raw, and she's going through something."</p><p>Finnick holds a hand up to stop him, knowing the inner turmoil his friend must be facing. "Peeta, have you ever considered the fact that every time she needs something, even if it's just someone to speak to, she calls you? She initiated the kiss this morning, she spends evenings in your home, on your couch, drinking wine and cuddling you. Those don't sound like the actions of a woman who doesn't want the same as you."</p><p>"Never assume." Thresh reminds, making Finnick nods as he considers it. "But, admittedly, after the starry night admission, it does sound like she wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her. Well, maybe not as much, because you have heart eyes."</p><p>Peeta grumbles, slamming his head against the table, and he ignores the pain he feels in favour berating himself in his head. "I never should have kissed her again this morning. I pushed too fast, I mean, she had a panic attack last night and I just go in and kiss her."</p><p>"She liked it though, right?" Thresh double checks, sounding concerned.</p><p>Lifting his head, Peeta nods slowly, though he truly hopes that's true. Maybe she just smiled to be kind. No, that's not Katniss's style.</p><p>"She enjoyed it." Finnick confirms, his phone in his hand and scrolling through texts. "Apparently she pulled Annie aside this morning to tell her all about it, she made you sound like some dreamy heartthrob, I must admit."</p><p>"Why?" Peeta asks, before he realises he doesn't want to know. Katniss and Annie had a private conversation, if Katniss wanted him to know what was said, she would tell him. "Nevermind, I don't want to know."</p><p>Putting his phone down on the table, Finnick sighs, trying to think of what to tell his friend to make him feel better. "I think you should ask her on a date." He states, sounding surer about that than anything else he's ever said. "Make sure you tell her saying no is an option, you won't hold it against her. Don't make it sound too desperate, you do have that tendency, and don't ramble. Just ask, get an answer, and act accordingly."</p><p>"What if she says no?"</p><p>"Then, my friend, you need to take your own oh so infamous advice." The blonde in front of him shrugs, his coffee poised half way between the table and his lips. "Buck up. Accept it. Move on."</p><p>"That's your advice?" Thresh rolls his eyes, before his eyes find Peeta once more and he decides to make matters into his own hands. "You go to her, you talk to her about the kiss, make sure you get a clear idea of where she's at, you ask her on a date, and if she says no, you act like the nice guy you are and accept it. If the situation allows, you can ask why, it's a fair question, but accept whatever answer she gives, even if it's a crappy one like 'I'm tired' I don't know, I haven't been rejected since I met Rue, but if she says yes, you be the happiest son of a bitch in the world."</p><p>"Literally." Finnick interjects, making Thresh nudge him. "Not the time, sorry."</p><p>"Anyway," Thresh rolls his eyes again, and if he isn't careful, he's fairly certain they'll roll to the back of his head. "If she says yes, you take her somewhere nice but not too flashy. She's been hurt in the past, if her actions are anything to go by, and the last thing she'll appreciate is someone giving her empty, romantic, financial gestures."</p><p>"When did you become a relationship guru?" Peeta asks, a small frown on his face over the fact Thresh is probably right, he can't move too fast or he'll scare her off, and he needs to accept whatever answer Katniss gives him. He's trying, he really is, but it's hard when he feels the way he does. "I'm trying so hard-"</p><p>"We know." Finnick interjects, his tone soft, and his eyes are worried with a hint of understanding within them. "Peeta, you're the kindest man I have ever met in my life, we both know you would never pressure her or make her feel bad on purpose. It's just, you of all people know how intense you can be when you want something badly."</p><p>"I don't want many things badly."</p><p>"My hand said differently when you poked me with a fork last week-" Thresh begins, but the glare Peeta sends him makes his shut up. The pair had reached for the same Tootsie Roll. It got ugly. "Sorry."</p><p>Peeta sighs, running a hand down his face tiredly. He barely slept the night before, and though the kiss that morning had set him up for life, he knows he needs more than coffee and stolen kisses in the morning to keep him going for the day.</p><p>"Thanks for this...whatever this was." He stands, bringing his coffee with him. He's not sure what the purpose of their conversation was but what he does know if that it's not making him feel any better about admitting what happened that morning to them. Now he just feels like it's his fault if he's pushed her too far and he already had the guilt of the night before weighing on his mind.</p><p>He makes his exit, pressing the button to call the elevator down just as Finnick comes up next to him. "Peeta," He starts, a small frown on his face barely hiding the regret he feels over making his friend feel any kind of hurt. "You're a really good guy, okay? Please don't forget that."</p><p>Instead of replying, Peeta just nods, knowing that nothing he can say will make Finnick take the words back, even though Peeta certainly doesn't think he is. He still thinks his mother was right this whole time, about him being a disappointment, being pathetic, not a real man because of his emotions, the fact he's too soft. He knows its true, though he's trying his hardest and wishing it wasn't. And it just hits him suddenly that he's not even half the man Katniss Everdeen deserves.</p><p>But he wants to be. And that has to count for something. Right?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There is chapter 8 finished, and look at me barely using my songs but loving them anyway. I used it enough to get my point across, and I apologise for how wordy this chapter is, and the lack of too much Everlark interaction but I wanted to show some of Peeta's side for once. Peeta doesn't get enough love in stories!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Unchained Melody – The Righteous Brothers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Her ex was right; she truly is the worst person in the world. She made two people feel awful about themselves and something they did when they had done the nicest thing anyone had ever done for Katniss. No one did nice things for Katniss Everdeen, and now she understood why. She didn't deserve it. Not with the way she reacted.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*TRIGGER WARNING CHAPTER: ABUSE, RAPE / NON-CON, MENTAL CRUELTY, MISCARRIAGE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE* </p><p>I am back on it with my 90s music, woohoo! Yay me! I'm finally keeping to the actual theme of using nineties music that came from brilliant films. The nineties truly were the best times for movies. Especially rom-coms. This song is ICONIC! Unchained Melody from Ghost (1990). If you haven't seen Ghost then what the hell are you doing? It has Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze and a sad love story. WATCH IT!</p><p>Anyway, anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>Oh, my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch, a long, lonely time...'</em></p><p>Opening her eyes slowly, Katniss sighs, cuddling into the soft sheets of her bed, inhaling the soft scent of her detergent. She loved waking up on the day after clean sheets day the most, but not until after Peeta had recommended the best laundry detergent she'd ever smelt, and every morning felt like that time she woke up in his bed.</p><p>She had felt more warm and sated than she ever had that morning, cuddling up in a ball of the sheets, his smell surrounding her as she'd woken up from the best sleep she'd had in years.</p><p>Unfortunately, most of her nights haven't gone that way, and even with a similar scent surrounding her, she wakes up most nights screaming in terror. There are some things that nothing can change, and to her dismay this seems like one of those things.</p><p>Today, she couldn't afford to cuddle into her sheets and dream, for too much longer, as she had to get up and get dressed for her first day.</p><p>She was terrified.</p><p>Admittedly, not as terrified as she had been a couple of days previously at the party Finnick and Annie had thrown for her. She was nowhere near even close to having a panic attack like she did that night, and she was still frightfully embarrassed of what happened.</p><p>It was only made worse when her friends had apologised.</p><p>Her ex was right; she truly is the worst person in the world. She made two people feel awful about themselves and something they did when they had done the nicest thing anyone had ever done for Katniss. No one did nice things for Katniss Everdeen, and now she understood why. She didn't deserve it. Not with the way she reacted.</p><p>Clambering out of bed, she tries to ignore the horrible shame that takes her over in knowing what she did was wrong. She couldn't control it, the bile had just risen in her throat and she had felt like she couldn't breathe. So she'd run to the nearest toilet and thrown up the contents of her stomach, she'd sobbed into Peeta's arms for what felt like hours, and then he'd taken her home before she could realise how truly shameful what she did was.</p><p>Peeta says there was nothing to be embarrassed about, that Finnick and Annie understood even though Katniss is one hundred percent certain they will never truly understand.</p><p>The last time she had felt this bad about herself, the last time she had felt like she was truly nothing and the last time she had considered just upping and running away before she had to face the music was when she ran from home. When her mother and sister had found out what was happening to her and she had been so humiliated, so horrified by the looks in their eyes and their empty, sympathetic faces, she had run so far. She had no clue what was happening at home, whether or not they even still cared or even if her ex-no he's still her husband- was looking for her.</p><p>Gale Hawthorne.</p><p>They had met when she was only sixteen, young and naïve and so, so <em>tired</em> of holding everything together, of being the strong one and looking after her family, of having to be a mother to Prim and having to mother her own mother, the woman who was meant to look after her. She was just so tired, and getting sick from the stress on her shoulders, and he just made it better. He made things better by helping her hunt and giving her his own game that he couldn't afford to lose.</p><p>He was sweet, and patient, kind and gentle. He was everything a teenage girl hopes to find, especially a teenage girl who was so desperate for help and for someone to take care of her she'd take anything going.</p><p>Prim had adored him, as had her mother despite the fact she barely spoke, and within a few months the pair had become what she thinks people now call 'an item', though she isn't sure. They kissed and held hands, sure, but never moving any further, and he was so patient about it, always assuring her that they could move at their own pace, it didn't matter to him.</p><p>Except, a year in, he changed.</p><p>It was slow progressing at first. That's the common misconception about those kinds of situations, people think that it's like a switch was flicked and all of a sudden she was being thrown around the room like a ragdoll, that she made hundreds of trips to hospitals in days. It's not like that; it's not that way at all.</p><p>At first, it was subtle comments, things she wouldn't even consider to be nasty and would normally take as a joke, because she had known he was a person who loved to wind her up and make her go mad with his jokes. She had even liked that about him, because he made her less serious, he made her laugh. She thought that's all the jibes were, ill-timed jokes that he didn't mean.</p><p>It was such little things, like pointing out that she shouldn't wear a certain top because he was afraid of other men seeing her and thinking they could try something on with her, he was afraid of losing her, and she had understood. She would feel the same way, she convinced herself. He would then tell her what he liked, what he thought was appropriate, but he would make it so that she could make the choice but his opinion was clear, and she couldn't see the emotional blackmail at the time.</p><p>But then, he had changed his main issue with her, and told her that her hair was too long, told her that he was scared that she could be walking down the street at night and someone would grab her by her braid and pull her back. So she had cut her hair, even if it was to only ease his worried mind.</p><p>She had other friends in the district, people she traded with, and Gale had told her it was embarrassing for him, seeing his girlfriend 'flirt' with other men, and she had limited her interactions, wanting to make him happy, and when she would go, he would accompany her. If he were busy, she wouldn't go. But then, he would ask her how she had so much money, as he thought he knew how much she earned but '<em>maybe he didn't know, maybe she was selling more than game' </em>and she had allowed him to go instead of her, to count how much she made just so he knew she would never cheat on him.</p><p>Before long, she just stopped going out. She was so busy anyway, what with him always being over her home, and he had said it was always messy, so she was always tidying. It kept her busy at home so it was fine. It kept him happy, and relationships were all about compromise or so she heard.</p><p>The first time he had ever laid a hand on her was during an argument, and at the time she had convinced herself it was all her fault. She was too pushy, she wanted to go out and night and she knew how he felt about it, she was argumentative and stubborn, she was bossy and overbearing, he deserved better and he was just keeping her in line. She deserved to be hit that time, and it wasn't even hard, it was just a slap across the cheek. He apologised after, mistakes happen.</p><p>He had asked her to move in with him a few days after, and she was so happy that he still wanted her; he thought she was worth moving in with, that she hadn't messed everything up. So she had agreed, still sending money to her mother- who was slowly but surely getting better, having Gale's help on their side, having a man in the house- and Prim. Her mother had even gone back to work, and Gale still allowed Prim to come to the home as often as she liked.</p><p>Until he didn't like it any longer, Prim was coming over too much and he thought it was time for the siblings to finally 'cut the chord', to stop living in one another's back pockets. Katniss had agreed, not that she had much of a choice in the matter, she didn't want to push back and upset him again, she knew that he always had a temper and she didn't want to cause an argument that was all her fault again. So, she had told Prim she was too busy all the time. She lied and said she had needed to get a paying job because Gale's work as a mechanic hadn't picked up yet.</p><p>Prim had believed it, as what reason did Katniss have to lie to her little sister? But, to make her lie believable, Gale allowed for her to get a part time job, only a few hours a week but doing whatever she wanted- though he had to approve. The small amount of freedom was enough to make her weep, and she had accepted the first job she was offered to work in a small diner in Twelve.</p><p>He had berated her for it. He told her she couldn't get another job because everyone in town knew how insolent she was, he told people how stubborn and reckless she was, how she hunted illegally. No one wanted her. She was lucky she had him otherwise she'd be selling herself on the streets, Prim would too, her mother as well. They needed Gale to survive.</p><p>Once, she had cried to him, telling him how it felt like everyone was staring at her because of his words. But, instead of comforting her and making her feel better, he had grabbed her by her wrists and yanked her up from the couch, screaming in her face about how she was such a brat for making him feel bad when he was the one who had to live with her, had to be around her. He had hit her for the second time that night, throwing her to the floor before chucking a blanket beside her and told her she had to sleep there, as he couldn't stand the sight of her.</p><p>She did. Katniss didn't want to upset him again, and she had been so selfish in complaining to the one person who said he was on her side, who kept a roof over her head, who helped protect Prim. So she forgave him again.</p><p>When it happened again, and again, and again, she always forgave him. He always came back to her with apologies and crying, telling her she just angered him and he had a bad day at work, telling her that someone had made a comment about him being with a '<em>slut like her'</em> and it angered him so much he just had to make her see. So she forgave him, because she didn't have any other choice and he was good to her, for the most part.</p><p>And then he wasn't even that.</p><p>Every word he would say to her would be insults, whether it be about her uniform for work or how frigid she was, or how he was such an idiot for being with someone as disgusting, as ugly, as fat as her. So she lost weight, she kept her hair the way he liked it, she wore more make up, and she tried harder. She finally let him into her bed for more than sleeping, knowing that it had to happen at some point and so why not now?</p><p>It was awful. She hadn't enjoyed it, and he had screamed at her the day after their first time for being so still, for being so unresponsive and for not getting him off well enough. He had pressed her into the kitchen counter and hiked her skirt to her hips; intent on showing her how he wanted to be pleasured.</p><p>She forgave him after that too. It was her fault that she couldn't get into it, and that's why he couldn't enjoy it. She could accept it because she had known she was terrible at it. Anything to make him happy, to make him gentler or so he wouldn't hit her, it was getting so hard to cover the bruises and the first time someone noticed at work, she'd lied and told them she had fallen down the stairs.</p><p>Three years into their relationship, when she was twenty-one, she got pregnant.</p><p>Originally, she wasn't going to tell him, as she wasn't going to keep it, intending on getting some herbs or a pill from her mother to end it. He didn't want a child, they weren't married and it was shameful enough to be with her, let alone have a baby out of wedlock with her they didn't want. But then she had thought about it, thought about how a baby might make him softer, maybe even make him see that they could do something good together. She was silly like that, and her heart was attached to the child anyway, and for a few weeks, she was happy for the first time in what felt like years.</p><p>He wasn't as thrilled. He had accused her of sleeping around, of it being someone else's and her whoring herself around town so much that she was pregnant with some low-life's child. She had denied it, because of course it wasn't true, she would never do that, she could never do that.</p><p>After two weeks of non-stop arguments, of her fighting back for the first time in so long because this was <em>their </em>child, she could never be with anyone else, she didn't want anyone else, he finally told her the only way he was having the baby is if they were married. Of course, she agreed, though hesitantly, and he had forced her down to the Justice Hall that very night in nothing more than an old, ratty blue dress. When she woke up the next morning, she had committed herself to being Mrs. Katniss Hawthorne. She was stuck.</p><p>But it was okay, because she was doing it for the baby inside her, the baby who needed more than a whore of a mother and a waitress's earnings. This was their baby. It deserved more than her. The baby was the only good thing she had and she would do anything to make sure it was okay.</p><p>Twelve weeks into her pregnancy, he had screamed at her so loudly it woke up the neighbours, though no one came over to check on them, but she had seen their bedroom lights on. She had dropped a plate, not one of the special ones, but plates cost money, money they had to save since she was stupid enough to get knocked up, money had had to now waste on things like diapers and changing tables. She had apologised, but it wasn't enough, and he'd thrown her to the ground, kicking her in the stomach, the ribs, the chest, anywhere he could find, repeatedly.</p><p>Normally, she could just take it, patch herself up later, but that night, after he had gone to bed, she had sobbed in pain, unable to stop it. No amount of painkillers changed anything, and she'd gone to hospital, as a last resort- just like usual. She had only been to hospital a couple of times at that point, always using one of the two in Twelve and leaving a gap between her visits long enough that no one would know her, using a fake name and leaving before they completed the treatment. That time, she had used her real name, because she needed to stay, she knew what was happening before the doctors even told her, and she refused to leave.</p><p>Miscarriage.</p><p>It happens often, one in four first pregnancies will end in the woman having a miscarriage, with eighty-five percent of those happening in the first trimester, with many factors determining it. Though she imagines being beaten so badly it causes a miscarriage wasn't one of the factors the doctors meant. They had droned on, giving her the information she needed, and a kind nurse had sat with her until she had to go, but she had barely understood half of it, too lost in her own thoughts and her grief.</p><p>She had driven to her mothers, sobbing on her front door step and being ushered in by Prim. She couldn't face going back home and seeing the look on his face, hearing the words he would spit at her for being so stupid, for being so reckless and careless and for losing the baby he never even wanted but was prepared to fork out money for and home.</p><p>Looking back, it was a blessing in disguise that she lost the baby, though it was painful. She was so confused, so mentally damaged with no clue what to do, that she had convinced herself that having a baby would change him, but it didn't and she was stupid for thinking it ever would. The baby chose to opt out, to press the eject button and go, and she couldn't blame them. It was better, in the long run, that the baby wouldn't have to go through everything she was going through, and maybe, just maybe, it was what was always meant to happen.</p><p>A day later, Gale had turned up, a frown on his lips and apology in his eyes, swearing that the baby miscarrying was what was going to change him, that he was so sorry and he would never, ever lay on a finger on her again. It was his baby too, and no one else could understand how she felt, so she had gone back home, accepting his apologies.</p><p>For a while, nearly a year in fact, he was so much better. He was back to the way he used to be, he was kind and affectionate and loving, he brought her gifts, he gave her birthdays cards which he had never done in the first place, and for once, she felt like things could get better. That they might actually have reached a turning point and he might love her again.</p><p>It didn't last, not that she really expected it to, and now she knows that she was such an idiot for remaining even after he went back to the way he was before. The insults came back, constantly, constantly getting at her, berating her, humiliating her, belittling her and blaming her for the loss of their baby, for the way he was, for the way their relationship was.</p><p>He was right. It was all her fault. If only she'd of protected him better, acted better, not argued so much, not been so stubborn, her baby would still be alive and he would be the man she thought he was. She drove him to it, she made him so angry that he could barely speak, barely see, and she couldn't leave him after doing so much damage.</p><p>The longer she stayed, the more she accepted it and just went along, the more she just allowed him to do whatever he wished to her, say whatever he wanted, the less it hurt, and the more numb she became. Nothing would ever, ever, hurt as much as losing her baby did, nothing he could do or say or make her do would ever hurt her, break her, as much as losing her child did.</p><p>On her twenty-fourth birthday, her mother had wanted to take her out, make a fuss over her. Her mother had gotten so much better, was doing so much better, and it made Katniss so joyful to see her doing so well. So she agreed, and to her shock, Gale had allowed her to go.</p><p>Pleasantly surprised and happy for the first time since Gale had gone back to his usual ways, she had allowed herself one glass of wine, not enough that he would ever of known she'd had it, but enough to make her happy at the small act of rebellion. She took what she could get back then. But then her mother had bought her another one, and Prim another. Since Katniss never really drank, it was enough to get her slightly tipsy, and though she tried to act sober when she went home, he had seen straight through it.</p><p>Prim and her mother hadn't even driven out of their front porch before he had grabbed her and thrown her against the wall, and the scream she had let out was loud enough to make them stop. He had grabbed the poker by the fireplace and held it under the flames, before he'd pressed it against the skin of her stomach, marking her so painfully that she'd sobbed.</p><p>It was as if he had known his torment was finally up, and he had stalked to the kitchen while her sister banged so hard on the floor it shook, her mother screaming out for her to come to the door. By the time she had managed to at least stop sobbing, he was back with a hot kettle in his hand, and the last thing she really remembers is the scalding pain on her chest, her stomach, her thighs, before she'd blacked out.</p><p>All she remembers is waking up in hospital with her mother and sister on either side of her, both of them sobbing while they helped tend to her wounds- her mother being a doctor in that very hospital, disgusted that neither of them ever noticed. However, while her family wept for her past, she didn't shed a tear, only staring down silently at her body, broken and bruised and now scalded.</p><p>Before, most of her injuries healed and whilst she would have a few scars remaining, she could claim they were something else and people would believe her. After, despite numerous skin grafts and it being weeks since she was admitted into hospital, she knew she would never look the way she used to, never be able to pretend it was anything but what it was.</p><p>Her mother wept for the pain Katniss had endured, the silent suffering, the fact that neither her or Prim had ever noticed or know, or even suspected there was something going on. Her sister sobbed for days over the niece or nephew she never got to meet, learning of the true reason that Katniss miscarried, and she cried for weeks for the way Katniss was, silent and withdrawn.</p><p>But Katniss, she didn't shed one tear, not the whole time she was in hospital, or the whole time she was forced to take therapy sessions she didn't want but went to, just to prove she could talk about it without sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't cry when her mother told her Gale was gone, just vanishing before anyone could find him, or when her sister and mother would ask her to talk about what happened. She didn't mind. She could talk about it. It happened, and now it wasn't happening anymore, and she was glad.</p><p>One night, she couldn't take it anymore, the constant asking, the begging for Katniss to give them something, anything, but the silence or acting like nothing had happened to her, like she hadn't been through the worst thing anyone should ever have to go through. She had grabbed a bag, packed some money and some clothes, before leaving a simple note explaining that she couldn't do it anymore, that she loved them dearly, and she would call them when she finally settled somewhere she felt safe.</p><p>She hasn't spoken to either of them in nearly four months, not for the month she travelled in her car, and not in the three months she's been in Four, and she misses them with every breath she takes. Desperately.</p><p>Now, after the night she had two days ago, she feels that same shame she was running away from, and she hates it. She hates every second of being in her own skin, of looking down at the scalds on her body and burns, the cuts and scars, the mark still on her stomach, not as angry and red but still prominent, she hates being who she is.</p><p>The only time she ever felt like she was someone other than poor, little, broken bird Katniss Everdeen- because in her mind, she's Everdeen again, Hawthorne is long gone despite her never being divorced- is when she's with Peeta, when he's speaking to her about everything and nothing, making her feel safe, comforting her in his embrace.</p><p>That's why, on the morning after her panic attack, she had kissed him, and allowed that kiss to continue. He hadn't mentioned it, but then he hadn't been over since, as he was going to see her when he dropped her at work today, though he had been texting her and calling her precisely in the times she needed him. They didn't discuss the kiss, or her panic attack, because she hadn't wanted to. But now she wishes they had.</p><p>Of course, by the time she's managed to break out of her thoughts, get showered, dressed for work and down the stairs, Peeta is already there, always an early bird. She smiles softly at the sight of him, and she takes the plunge. "Morning." Katniss greets, not stopping as she makes her way to him until she's leaning up, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek before pulling away slowly.</p><p>"Morning." Peeta smiles, and she can't help her own widening, glad that she hadn't made him uncomfortable. "Ready for your first day at work?"</p><p>Nodding once, she braces herself. "Ready as I'll ever be."</p><hr/><p>Luckily, for her at least, she doesn't have to meet too many people when she'd being introduced by Peeta to the rest of the staff. Originally, Boggs had gone to get her used to the flow of things, explain everything, but he'd been called away for an unexpected meeting and Peeta had been more than happy to step in.</p><p>She doesn't mind. If anything she prefers having him by her side. He's much better at the people-skills thing then her, he can joke and get her involved in conversations, something she's certainly not used to being privy to. But before long, he had to do his actual job, and she was left with the other staff members.</p><p>There's the woman with red hair and amber eyes that was at the interview stages. Apparently, they had both been good candidates and been given the jobs on the spot, something that pleases Katniss to no end, seeing as she had thought the woman looks like someone she could get along with. She might be wrong, it's very likely, but she's usually good at figuring out what a person is like with first impressions.</p><p>Apparently, her name isn't Foxface like Katniss had been calling her in her head, and she introduces herself as Finch Crosselly, she's older than Katniss by a year, and has a spunky attitude that she envies her for, that and the fact she's beautiful, with clear skin and long legs, wearing the most professional yet elegant and flattering clothing she's ever seen on someone. She would be jealous if it wasn't for the fact Finch looks just as nervous as she is, and she can definitely see them at least getting on- if not becoming something similar to friends.</p><p>She won't admit that though.</p><p>Aside from Finch, there is a slightly built woman with wide-set brown eyes and brown, spiked up hair that introduces herself as Johanna Mason. The name rings a bell, and when Katniss went to question her, the woman had held up a hand like she's heard it before. According to Johanna, she used to work for Sae's just like Katniss, but left months ago and for some reason, they all still think she works there.</p><p>When Katniss had asked why, she shrugged, but she suspects there's more there than she lets on. Why would Johanna not admit to working for Sae? Admittedly, Katniss hadn't seen her in the two months and two weeks she worked there, but it doesn't explain much.</p><p>"If you must know," Johanna sighs, seeing the unamused look on Katniss's face when she tries to joke off her questioning. "Sae needed help with the accounts, I needed money, so we made a deal that I would do them. She was embarrassed to admit she needed help, you know how proud that woman is, and I didn't want to admit I needed cash, so she put me down as a Chef and everyone pretends it's true."</p><p>Admittedly, it does sound like Sae, and if Katniss can tell anything about Johanna despite barely knowing her, she can tell it wasn't easy for her to admit she needed money.</p><p>"Now," Johanna starts, placing a file in front of the other two with a groan. "Because Boggs is busy, I need to give you an orientation to the job, but I hate everything this file, its total crap and neither of you would learn from it." She throws it in the garbage can beside her, ignoring the way Finch flinches at the sight of a book being thrown.</p><p>That's something to add to what Katniss knows about her new colleagues. Finch hates waste, hates books being thrown away and is possibly the most organised person Katniss has ever known. It's good to know.</p><p>"Instead," Johanna continues, a smirk on her face as she leans on the desk, completely ignoring a patient in front of them. "I'm going to teach you the fun bit. How to tell when a patient is a time waster," She directs the words at the person in front of her, who splutters but they obviously aren't sick enough for ER as they swear before stalking out. "And who is genuine."</p><p>The two women spend most of the morning with Johanna, and as more hours pass, Katniss can't help but like the older, slightly intimidating woman. She's abrasive, rude and sarcastic, she swears like a trooper and has no regard for personal space or boundaries- but Katniss thinks she's interesting.</p><p>At least she doesn't fake smile or pretend to be someone she isn't, those are qualities that are hard to find nowadays.</p><p>It's a breath of fresh air not having to pretend to be some kind of woman who has never been through something, with Johanna never asking questions about anything other than work, however that changes when lunch rolls around as she has Peeta approach the front desk. "Dr. Mellark," Katniss greets professionally, but there's a smirk forming that makes even Finch quirk a brow. "Good afternoon."</p><p>Placing a hot to-go mug of coffee in front of her, Peeta leans his elbows on the desk with a warm smile. "Good afternoon, I was wondering if you were free for lunch as of about now?"</p><p>Giving a quick glance to the other two to check it's okay, the nods she receives make her grin. "I am. Where were you thinking, Dr. Mellark?"</p><p>"Oh my God," Johanna groans, looking between the two as if it's some kind of TV show. "This is the Katniss you've been going on and on about?" At Peeta's nod, she makes a scoff from the back of her throat. "The way you two are acting, it's as if you're married and he's asking to fuck in the nearest private room!"</p><p>Spluttering, Katniss shakes her head as she stands up, pulling on her coat so fast she's surprised she hasn't got whiplash, unable to help her giddiness on the inside when Peeta reaches over to help her into it. "W-I-he-we-not, you're not supposed to do that!"</p><p>"What?" Johanna quirks a brow, watching Katniss walk out from behind the desk and go stand by Peeta's side. "You two don't fuck? It's natural for a husband and wife-"</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Peeta puts a finger over his lips to signal for Jo to shut up, knowing Katniss isn't comfortable with that topic at all. "Jo, stop it. We aren't married. I'm not taking her to a private room, I'm taking her to lunch." He reprimands firmly, and it sends a little jolt through Katniss's stomach to hear him defend her in a way.</p><p>"Still think you two are at least engaged." She mumbles, but goes back to work anyway, her fingers tapping on her keyboard quickly, followed by her the clicking of her mouse.</p><p>Satisfied, Katniss takes his arm as he offers it, wrapping her own around it, allowing for him to lead her out of the building, both of them holding a coffee cup in their free hands. "Why is Johanna like that? Honestly, this whole morning, all she speaks about is sex. Finnick is the same way sometimes, so is that man who comes into the diner, Chaff?" She comments, shuddering at the time he kissed her and she'd slapped him straight in the mouth.</p><p>He's grinning, and she hates it because she doesn't understand what on earth he has to be grinning about. "It's you, Katniss, can't you see?"</p><p>Annoyed, she glances at him, hating the way she likes the stupid grin on his face, thinking it makes him look more relaxed, more carefree. "Why they all act like that. Finnick with his sugar cubes and flirting innuendos, and Chaff kissing you and that whole thing with Johanna making comments about sex." Peeta, unsuccessfully, tries to take on a more serious tone, and it only irritates her further. "They're playing with you because you're so...you know."</p><p>"No, I don't know." She narrows her eyes, her mouth slanted in annoyance, and she would punch him if she didn't hate the thought of doing it to him that so much.</p><p>Chuckling, Peeta smirks, but there is something in his eyes she doesn't like, something that seems to be holding him back from saying something. She doesn't like that one bit. "Do you remember when I stepped out of the shower at mine after you used your key to let yourself in? I was naked and you couldn't look at me."</p><p>She nods, remembering that very clearly, how flushed she was and stuttering even though he was the one who was naked and wrapping a towel around his body. He had been nonplussed, but she was a wreck, banging into walls in her attempt to avert her eyes and leave the room.</p><p>"You're... pure," he says finally, trying to school his features and act seriously.</p><p>"I am not!" She protests, nearly stomping her feet like a little child. "I've been practically drooling all over you, or so Johanna thinks, and most of the people at the diner and the reception girls now. According to them, I look about ready to...do things to you in private hospital rooms."</p><p>"You can't even say that. They're just teasing and playing with you because you're new meat to them."</p><p>Katniss walks with him, albeit slightly slower to force him to slow, knowing he hates it. He likes to walk fast and get where they need to be, whereas she likes a slower pace. They usually settle for a happy medium. "They're laughing at me, and so are you." She states, her tone more hurt than she intended.</p><p>"No." Peeta shakes his head, but he's still suppressing a smile, though her hurt tone has clearly made him worry. "I would never make fun of you, you know that."</p><p>Sighing, she nods; knowing that's true, and her grip on his arm tightens slightly.</p><p>"Yeah, but...I mean, for the them, you're pure," he says, clearly trying to coddle her but she'll accept it, for now. "For me, you're perfect."</p><p>Unable to help the way his words make her heart flutter, she leans in closer to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Thank you." She whispers, before resuming their original position, walking with him at their usual pace again to show she isn't mad anymore. "Where are we going anyway?" She asks, realising they've come full circle, back to where they started originally.</p><p>"I actually have no idea." He admits, leading her to sit down on a bench not too far from the doors, with her leaning against his side with his arm still linked with hers. "I wanted to...ask you something."</p><p>Nodding slowly, she raises an eyebrow, signaling for him to continue. He looks nervous about something, though she isn't sure what, and she doesn't think she's ever seen him like this. Usually he's sheepish or bashful, but never nervous.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Peeta glances at her. "Just know that you can always saw no and it won't change anything, we'll still be...whatever we are and I won't be mad or treat you any differently. To be honest, I'm expecting a no but I figured I might as well ask."</p><p>"Peeta," She stops him, sensing that whatever he's about to ask if obviously important to him and she doesn't want to ruin that. "Just ask. It's fine."</p><p>"Will," He sighs, trying to think of the right words and trying his hardest not to freak her out or make her think he's pushing her too hard. This, she, is so important to him and he'd rather hurt himself than scare of hurt her. "Katniss-"</p><p>"Seriously, you know I usually love your pauses and your sheepish attitude," She points out, a small smile on her face, but her eyes are concerned, scared suddenly of whatever he's planning on asking her. "But you need to spit it out, you're scaring me-"</p><p>"Would you like to go on a date with me?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THIS is the chapter that I have been the MOST nervous for, and the one I knew that I had to get absolutely correct and explain everything, not just for a character and for a backstory to make someone seem more tortured, but because the issues that this chapter (and fic entirely) focus on are very very present and real and heartbreaking. I had to get this right, not just for myself, but for others who have been through / are going through something similar. Mental, physical, financial, verbal and sexual abuse is something very very serious, and I hope that I have written it in such a way that it is respectful and believable, as well as just as heartbreaking as it is. I'm sorry this one was so rough, but it had to be. Love to you all x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Truly, Madly, Deeply - Savage Garden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Katniss glances over at the radio on the desk beside her, her hand paused in its position where she's putting her earring in. "Panem Radio, narrating Katniss Everdeen's life since she got here." She comments, listening for a few moments to the song that radio station has decided to play for what must be the third time today.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In keeping with my 90s movies and songs theme, I have chosen the song "Truly, Madly, Deeply" by Savage Garden. This song is from a 1998 movie named Music From Another Room starring Jude Law, it's a weird but sweet film and I recommend it.</p><p>Anyone who cares knows the deal here. I do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning, a reason for living, a deeper meaning...'</em></p><p>Katniss glances over at the radio on the desk beside her, her hand paused in its position where she's putting her earring in. "Panem Radio, narrating Katniss Everdeen's life since she got here." She comments, listening for a few moments to the song that radio station has decided to play for what must be the third time today.</p><p>Her situation is eerily similar to one she was in on her first day of work at the diner, but she dismisses it as nothing as she pushes her earring in and puts the back of it on.</p><p>Why does she listen to the radio? She could very easily get music on her phone and connect it to the high-end, super powerful, super clear, sharp sounding- whatever else Finnick said it was- speaker in her room. Panem Radio is the only radio station that's available in town still, and usually she doesn't mind the fact it has that irritating presenter Ceaser Flickerman, sometimes accompanied by Claudius Templesmith, but today they're both on and have decided to play the same song over and over again.</p><p>Apparently, or at least according to them, it's the twenty-third anniversary of the song being released and it's one of Ceaser's favourites so he <em>absolutely</em> has to play it repeatedly until the lyrics all blur together.</p><p>Luckily, for her at least, she won't be at home have to listen to it for much longer. Had it been a normal Saturday night, she probably wouldn't even have it on, but she likes hearing the radio- any radio station or music- when she gets dressed. It makes her feel like she's in some kind of romantic movie, especially because of why she's dressed up.</p><p>Tonight was her first date with Peeta.</p><p>Even thinking about it gives her a thrill down her spine, and she has to ignore the way her heart pounds in her chest, her hands feeling clammy as she rests them on her knees, staring at her reflection in the mirror.</p><p>Two days ago, he had been sat with her on a bench outside of the Emergency Room, and asked her on a date, and admittedly she's slightly ashamed of her reaction.</p><p>"<em>Will," He sighed, trying to think of the right words and trying his hardest not to freak her out or make her think he's pushing her too hard. This, she, is so important to him and he'd rather hurt himself than scare of hurt her. "Katniss-"</em></p><p>"<em>Seriously, you know I usually love your pauses and your sheepish attitude," She pointed out, a small smile on her face, but her eyes were concerned, scared suddenly of whatever he was planning on asking her. "But you need to spit it out, you're scaring me-"</em></p><p>"<em>Would you like to go on a date with me?"</em></p><p>
  <em>Staring at him for a long moment, Katniss suddenly looked behind her, a smirk on her face as she checked behind both shoulders, as if she was checking for cameras. "What?" </em>
</p><p>"<em>I-" Peeta frowned, knowing he had to be careful not to push her too much, and her heart had begun to race in anticipation. "I asked if you would like to go on a date. With me, not anyone else, but you probably knew that, I-"</em></p><p>"<em>Peeta," She rested a hand on the arm that was linked with her own, a grin on her face. "Are you sure?" She quirked a brow, concern in her eyes despite her joyful expression. Katniss was overjoyed he was asking her on a date, never having expected it yet, thinking he wasn't interested despite all their previous encounters, assuming he only wanted her as a friend and nothing else. "I mean...I'm me, I'm Katniss."</em></p><p>"<em>And I'm Peeta." He shrugged, a crease between his brows, as if who she was mattered little to him, and she knows him well enough to know he doesn't see a persons class, their job or title, he just likes a person and that's it. "It's really fine if you want to say no, I completely understand."</em></p><p>"<em>I know-"</em></p><p>"<em>I just don't want you to think I'm trying to push you or-"</em></p><p>
  <em>Taking his hand in hers, she smiled even though she was nervous and completely terrified of what his asking her on a date meant. "I know." Katniss reassured him. "I just...are you sure? I'm really, really not someone that someone like you should date, are you entirely sure you want to...do that with someone like me?"</em>
</p><p>"<em>Someone like you? A really nice person?" He nodded, confusion and yet a glimmer of hope in his eyes, and she found herself getting lost in them for a long minute before she was brought back to reality. </em></p><p>"<em>I mean...someone as," She struggled with her words. He's always been better with words than her. "Broken, damaged, ruined as me." She finished, hating herself for the way her words made his eyes cloud over with something she can't place.</em></p><p>"<em>Katniss Everdeen, you are worth so much more than you think you are." He squeezed her hand, sighing softly as he didn't know how to make her see her words weren't facts, only things that have been spewed at her in angry, hateful rants. Peeta still doesn't know about her past, not all of it, but he knows enough to hate whomever it was who has made her feel so badly about herself. "Let me try and prove that to you?"</em></p><p>
  <em>Her hand squeezed his and she nodded. "Okay." She grinned, finally able to accept now that she's sure he knows what he's asking, that her understands her hesitation. He certainly isn't the problem, only her, and she's terrified of messing this up. "I would like to go on that date, with you, not anyone else." She winked. </em>
</p><p>Admittedly, her reaction could have been far worse. She could have gone into a long rant about how awful she is, she could have rejected him purely because she isn't worthy of his time, his attention, his...affection? She isn't sure of the right term.</p><p>Leading up to their date, he had been rather vague, which was surprising considering the fact she knows Peeta hates keeping secrets or lying, even little white ones, despite how good he is about spinning tales to get out of trouble. All he told her to do was to take whatever dress Madge shoved in her hands and wear it if she wanted to.</p><p>She was surprised Madge got involved, considering she barely knows her apart from in a work capacity, but that morning, Madge had turned up with a pure white box tied off neatly with a bow. "For you, chosen by me at the request from Peeta to get you something you would like." She stated, before writing her phone number on the box- most women would hate that she ruined a clean box but Katniss hardly cares about things like that- and telling Katniss to let her know how it goes, and then she just winked, leaving as quickly as she came.</p><p>Inside the box, she had found a dark blue velvet dress that had long sleeves and a boat neckline. After she had put it on, she realised it was far too similar to the dress she wore to the party Finnick and Annie threw her, but she realises Madge did it to give her some better memories of a dress like this than the one she had. Or well, she thinks that's why Madge did it. Or maybe it's because it's the only dress Madge had ever seen her in and just assumed it was her style.</p><p>Sparing a glance to the now empty box again, she realises its come from some kind of designer brand she doesn't recognise, but she knows the name someone. "Cinna's." She muses, rolling the name on her tongue. Unsure of how she knows that name, she shrugs it off, figuring it must be nothing more than a fluke.</p><p>Katniss Everdeen is certainly not the type of woman to know or wear designer brands. In fact, she's fairly certain this may be the first time she's ever worn something designer and not off the rack. Admittedly, she isn't sure where the dress Annie got for her is from but she's certain Annie would never buy a dress Katniss would feel bad for wearing, knowing how much money had been spent on her.</p><p>Then again, Madge isn't the sort of person who would buy such an expensive dress, having come from Twelve just like her and definitely not having the funds for it as she's a waitress in Sae's just like Katniss was. Designer brands aren't something she would have ever been able to afford on those wages, even the wages she'll be on now at the hospital.</p><p>There's only one person she knows who would have those kinds of funds and she hates him for even thinking she would be shallow enough to accept nothing less than a designer dress. It's sweet of him, but she doesn't want Peeta to think that's the only reason she's going on this date. Then again, Madge said Peeta had only said to get her a dress Madge knew Katniss would like, not what it had to look like or what it had to cost- just something she would like.</p><p>If there is one thing she knows about Peeta Mellark, it's that he would never in a million years dictate what she wore or how much it costs, but she imagines he must have given Madge some kind of budget in mind. She had no clue. Also, why would Peeta trust Madge with his card? Unless he knew the person in the store she got it from and intended to pay for it later.</p><p>Why she's worrying about the cost of a dress, she doesn't know, but she is. Back at home, she could probably afford dinner for a month on how much something like this would cost, and she vows right then and there to wear this dress as often as she can so that at least she feels marginally better for having so much money spent.</p><p>At home, the most someone ever spent on her was something close to twenty dollars, and to her that was excessive enough, and it was when Gale had treated her to dinner so it wasn't even a physical item, more food.</p><p>Peeta isn't the type to spend frivolous amounts of money either. He came from the same place as her; he knows how money can be tight for people there and how many people starve. Something doesn't quite add up and she isn't sure why. Maybe she's overthinking it, maybe she's paranoid or just nervous and it's making her think like a crazy person.</p><p>The chimes of the doorbell breaks her away from her thoughts, and she hears Annie answer it before Katniss has even made her way fully down the stairs. "I'm not late, am I?" She asks, shoving on a black high heel shoe she can barely walk in but knows makes her legs look longer- if what Annie say's is anything to believe, which she thinks it is.</p><p>"No, I'm early." Peeta quickly assures her as she walks over to the door he's now closing, a bouquet of flowers in hand. A flash of a camera makes them both turn around to face the source, seeing Finnick grinning from ear to ear.</p><p>"Aw, I have to send that one to the Everlark group chat, they'll freak out. Well, Thresh definitely will." Finnick explains, his camera still up and ready. "Katniss, Peeta, go stand by that white wall, I can get some cute shots!"</p><p>"Finnick," Annie scolds, and for a split second Katniss thinks she's about to defend them. "Get them to stand in the garden, we have all those lovely roses we planted last year that have bloomed. And they're red, red means passion, true love, romance and desire!"</p><p>"Guys," Peeta goes to interject, but Annie holds up a hand to stop him, obviously not finished with her rambling at Finnick.</p><p>"When red roses are used for a bridal bouquet," Annie begins, making Katniss splutter behind her as the other couple leads Peeta with them alongside Katniss to the garden against their will. "They represent bliss in the marriage as well as true respect and appreciation toward one another-"</p><p>"Seriously-" Katniss tries, sending Peeta a look of 'what can you do?' which makes him grin despite their friends overbearing nature.</p><p>"You look beautiful, by the way." He whispers softly, quiet enough so only she can hear, and she blushes deep red but accepts the compliment. "These are you for you, by the way. Haymitch said I had to bring you flowers no matter what, not that I intended not to, but he made it clear if I didn't he would punch me."</p><p>Snickering, Katniss takes the flowers when he offers them to her, nodding slowly. "They're beautiful. What flowers are they?" She asks, knowing she knows them somehow but is unsure of how.</p><p>"Oh, well," He points at one type of flower, the one that seems to be less included compared to the other but still beautiful. "These are ivies." He informs her, before pointing at the others and looking nervous. "I know...you said you miss your sister but I-"</p><p>"Primroses?" She whispers, biting her bottom lip as tears come to her eyes.</p><p>The fact that he looks terrified when he nods makes her smile, knowing he means no harm in getting her primrose flowers to remind her of her own sister, and the knowledge that he thought of her family, knowing how much she misses them and wanting them to somehow be apart of their first date.</p><p>"There is also some Iris's in there." He admits with a shrug of his shoulders, like it's nothing when it truly means everything to her. "For Prim and your mother."</p><p>A tear leaks from her eye that she quickly wipes away, bringing the flowers to her nose to inhale them. "Ivy, Primrose and Iris." She whispers, a smile coming on her face. "I love it, thank you."</p><p>Seeming surprised by her delight, he grins, though it's obvious that he wasn't expecting that much of a happy response. He hoped that she would be happy, but he wasn't sure, and the thought of her hating them had made him so nervous he nearly didn't bring them. But, it worked out, and he's made her happy, so he'll call that a success.</p><p>"-So it will be adorable when they get married, their first date having red roses and their wedding day having red roses!" Annie finally finishes, her and Finnick having been discussing the importance of roses from when Katniss and Peeta chimed out till now.</p><p>"I can't wait to see their wedding-"</p><p>"Alright, that's enough." She mumbles, standing tall as she coughs loudly to get their attention. "I don't like roses, red or white or any colour. And it's a first date, lets not get carried away." Katniss reminds them, her tone firm but friendly enough to let them both know she wants to drop it but appreciates their support.</p><p>What she neglects to mention is the fact she can't get married until she's had her divorce come through. She's already married to a man no one can find. Though she did become aware, thanks to Effie telling her, that she can get a divorce without knowing where Gale is, and she had planned on filing the second she could afford it.</p><p>"Who doesn't like roses?" Finnick frowns, taking another photo of her holding the flowers before she can even blink.</p><p>"Overrated." She comments, but fakes a smile when he takes another photo of her.</p><p>Admittedly, with the white wooden trellis behind them and red roses intertwined with the squares, she knows the photos will be beautiful, if not over the top. It's a first date, but the way Finnick and Annie act is like they're going to Prom or getting married. She knows they're just excited as they both want it to work out between her and Peeta, she wants it to work too, but this is over the top.</p><p>"Okay, just few more, stand together in front of the roses and smile." Finnick requests, making them do as he says.</p><p>She feels Peeta's arm wrap around her slowly, unsurely, but she leans into his embrace with the flowers he gifted her in one hand, the other resting over his chest, feeling his heart thudding steadily under her palm. After a moment, she smiles just in time to see the flash, before Finnick proceeds to take nearly two hundred photos more without flash if the sound of the camera going off is anything to go by.</p><p>"How many are you taking?" Peeta asks, his smile faltering slightly, and she can't help but laugh out loud, her hand holding the flowers covering her mouth, and the sound alone makes Peeta turn his head toward her, his eyes finding hers, letting out a soft chuckle of his own. She hears the distant sound of Finnick's camera clicking away but ignores it in favour of grabbing Peeta's hand. "We should probably...go." He announces to them, his eyes still on hers. "Reservations and all."</p><p>"Reservations?" She asks, never having had a table booked for a date before. But then again, her first date was in the back of a bowling alley where the bins were, drinking gone off beer and eating trashcan pizza because they couldn't afford anything else. They aren't days she likes to remember. "Where?"</p><p>Smiling, he lets her link her arms with his, leading her slowly toward the front door with Finnick and Annie trailing behind them. "Effie recommended it to me, it's a place called Lavinia's?"</p><p>Annie gasps loudly, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "You managed to get into Lavinia's?" She asks, her eyes widening when he nods. "Oh that place is gorgeous, the food is amazing, the staff are so friendly, expensive but worth the money. I thought it was notoriously hard to get into though?"</p><p>Shrugging, Peeta smiles sheepishly. "I didn't book it, I didn't realise how hard it was to get into, but Effie knew the owners so she booked it. I am a fraud."</p><p>Katniss nudges his side. "At least you're honest." She comments, allowing him to help her pull on her coat. "I like that."</p><p>By the time they have- by they she means Peeta- driven to the restaurant, she's already laughing at a story he's telling her about work, her mouth open wide as she can't help her fits of giggles. "Thresh really fell into the tray and knocked it over?"</p><p>"There were bandages everywhere." He confirms, wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes as he leads her into the restaurant, giving his name quickly before they're brought up some stairs to a more private section, the tables being further apart and the atmosphere slightly darker to give a more romantic feel to it. "Wow." He whispers to her.</p><p>"I know. I feel like I'm wearing a tracksuit compared to that lady dripping in diamonds." Katniss comments, both of them glancing at each other before they laugh, having to sober themselves up quickly when a waiter places menus on the table intended for them.</p><p>Said waiter pulls out her chair, and she does an awkward half dance, half waddle until she's in her chair with it pushed in. She certainly doesn't belong in this atmosphere and, by the look on his face, neither does Peeta. "Effie did not mention how fancy this place was, then again, I asked Effie Trinket for date advice and now I feel like an idiot for thinking she would pick something less extravagant."</p><p>Nodding slowly, Katniss shrugs. It's not that she doesn't appreciate Effie's contribution, but she clearly doesn't know either of them well enough if she assumes this is what they would be in to. Sure, she's impressed, but it isn't the kind of place her or Peeta would ever frequent normally, and it's over the top for a first date. Nevertheless, she finds it endearing he asked for advice, as if having this date go well means something to him. "I think it's fun to watch you squirm surrounded by people like you." She smirks.</p><p>"People like me?" He asks, a confused, dopey, grin coming up on his face. "I'm nothing like these people."</p><p>Pursing her lips, she pokes her tongue in her cheek. "You are." She states simply, but the look on his face still tells her he doesn't understand so she elaborates. "You're handsome, rich and successful, everyone knows who Dr. Mellark and Dr. Odair are." She informs him, not bothered by it but she can't believe he didn't know that. "You are in the same class as these people."</p><p>"Except I'm not." Peeta frowns, almost seeming offended at the insinuation. "I don't waste money like they do, I come from a town, like you, where people starve every single day. These people drink this bright pink concoction named ipecac that makes them vomit so they can eat more."</p><p>Reaching over the table, Katniss takes his hand in her own, knowing he was nothing like that, and it only adds to her confusion as to why he would allow Madge to spend so much money on a dress for her, why he would pay god knows how much money on getting them dinner, fully well knowing it was expensive. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in that way-"</p><p>"I know." He squeezes her hand, exhaling slowly, before his gaze finds hers. "Sorry, I just-I want this...us to go well, and now I feel like I may have gone over the top taking a suggestion from Effie."</p><p>Grimacing, she nods, knowing she can't lie or act to save her life so she's honest. "Yes, this is over the top for a first date. But there is nothing that says we have to stay. Why don't we grab a couple of drinks and head to some pub and get dinner?" She suggests, knowing they would both be more comfortable. They have to stay long enough to be polite, as much as she hates it, but they could still have fun. "I fancy a cheeseburger with a big plate of fries."</p><p>Peeta is obviously in agreement if the way he grins is anything to go by, and she can tell he's glad for her suggestion. It thrills and terrifies her to see how much of an effort he's making for their relationship, if there even will be one, but she knows she wants it to well too, so she understands his concerns. He just wants her to be happy, trying to treat her and give her things no one else ever has done before. Katniss just wants him. If she has him, she'll be happy.</p><p>"You read my mind."</p><hr/><p>They end up in the back of a pub eating off of each others plates not even two hours later.</p><p>She says eating off of each others, but it's more her stealing his fries even after she's finished her own. They got the exact same thing, cheeseburgers and fries that came in large portions, something they would never get in an expensive restaurant that charged him nearly fifty dollars for two drinks- she tried to pay but he wouldn't let her, and it infuriates her because she knows she'll never win.</p><p>He wouldn't let her pay for their food in the pub either, even though it's cheap and something she could definitely afford, nor their drinks there too. His excuse was, "I was raised a gentleman, I will continue to be one, and I will die a gentleman."</p><p>Originally, she had scoffed and punched his arm, but she secretly likes the fact he takes it so seriously, takes it to heart to be a good man. Then again, she hates it, not wanting him to think the only reason she was friends with him and is now on a date with him was because he picked up the bill. That doesn't even cross the top two hundred reasons she wants him in her life.</p><p>The pub they ended up in was small and cramped, with the tables and chairs so close together that whenever someone passes, they knock into Peeta- who said Katniss could sit with her back to the wall to avoid being nudged and pushed. It's cosy and warm, with them being sat near a fireplace, and it has such low ceilings that even Peeta and her had to duck before walking in. It's completely full, seeing as it's a Saturday night, and run by an Irish woman that Katniss didn't catch the name of, but she flits around the tables chatting to everyone as if she knows exactly whom it is.</p><p>It reminds her of Twelve, with everyone knowing one another and being friendly, if not actual friends, and she wonders if this is what it's like in the pubs there too – seeing as Gale never let her go to one. It makes her miss home, but only enough to be nostalgic instead of sad.</p><p>The whole pub is full of working-class people, instead of the upper class snobs she usually hates, and she loves the fact Peeta has felt comfortable enough to take off his grey suit jacket, looking relaxed and much more like himself.</p><p>It's bawdy, loud, and completely not what a first date should be. She loves it.</p><p>There is no unnecessary politeness, no one pretending to be someone they aren't or heading to the bathroom to be sick so they can eat more.</p><p>No, it's drinks flowing with people buying drinks for people they don't know and will never see again, only because they met that night and decided they wanted to be generous- and she can tell there are no ill intentions, men buying for men, women for women, men for women and vice versa. Someone even bought her and Peeta a pint of Guinness each when the man had asked if the pair had even had a pint, and since they hadn't, one was bought. Peeta had paid for a round of drinks for that mans table, and every so often, she hears them call to them just so they can raise a glass. It's strange, but she finds she enjoys it. There is no attention on her, and they won't be remembered tomorrow, but for now, it's light hearted and fun.</p><p>She hasn't had fun in so long.</p><p>"Your man walks into a pub and he says to the lady at the bar," A man on a small stage right near them begins a joke, having just finished a song, a pint of Guinness in one hand and the microphone in the other, speaking to the room as a whole. "What's the quickest way to Dublin? She turns to this fella and 'are you walking or driving?' she says."</p><p>Peeta raises an eyebrow, as if he's genuinely curious to hear the end of the joke, and she can't help but watch him for a minute, completely carefree and happy, far different to how nervous he was before. She much prefers him this way.</p><p>"Your man replies 'driving'," The man by the microphone states, placing his pint down on the small table beside him. "She says 'sure now, that would be the quickest, yeah'."</p><p>Rolling her eyes, Katniss can't help but laugh, seeing Peeta do the same before turning back to her, and the man on stage begins to sing, the words familiar to her, and she realises it was on the radio earlier, except the way he sings it is far more upbeat.</p><p>In front of them, people begin to move, and Peeta slips out of his chair to come sit next to her so there is more room, his chair being swiftly move away. Within a few seconds, a large space of the cramped pub has been made, and there are a few couples up dancing.</p><p>Seeming nervous, Peeta coughs once before glancing at her. "Katniss, I know you don't really do-"</p><p>"Yes, I would love to dance." She quickly interjects, not wanting him to take her silence as off-putting and forgetting the question. She wants to dance, especially now, on their first date in a tiny pub full of people they don't know. To feel him close to her surrounded by others, the light low, the fire warm on them and everyone else, merriment in the air.</p><p>'<em>I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning, a reason for living, a deeper meaning.'</em></p><p>Smiling softly, she takes his hand, leaving their half drunk drinks on the table without a care, not even bothering to hide her bag like she would have in that posh restaurant. She has a strange sense of belonging, of people taking care of others, and she knows the people whom Peeta bought drinks for are keeping an eye out on their table just like her and Peeta did for them when they went to the bar- an unspoken agreement, a contract to make sure the other is okay.</p><p>One of her hands rests on his shoulder at first, before she realises it's far too formal and moves so that her arms are wrapped around his neck loosely. His own hands are placed carefully on her waist. "I won't break." She reminds him, even though her heart flutters at how much he cares.</p><p>"I just-" He glances down at where his feet are, beginning to sway along with the music with her, and she closes some of the distance between them so that they're chest-to-chest. "Don't want to hurt you."</p><p>Katniss smiles, her nose nudging against his, and she leans up to press a feather light kiss to his tip of his. "I know."</p><p>'<em>And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky, I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry the tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty...'</em></p><p>They sway slowly, her forehead pressed tightly against his, and she doesn't think she's ever felt as safe as she does in that moment, holding him close with his arms surrounding her, no expectations or rules, just them enjoying their own moment, with others surrounding them. It's like he's the only person in the world to her, despite the bumping of people against them, and she knows that he feels the same about her by the look in his eyes- solely focused on her.</p><p>After a pause of a split second, Katniss does something she hasn't done in years, her voice quiet and unsure, but she hopes he hears it anyway. She sings. "I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, until the sky falls down on me..."</p><p>His eyes find hers, his head perking up as if he's listening to her so intently that he doesn't hear the other person, and her voice grows ever so slightly louder so he can hear her better, ignoring the 'aw' she hears from somewhere behind her. It doesn't matter if they hear her; all that matters is that <em>he</em> hears her.</p><p>Waiting for a minute, plainly because she doesn't know the next verse despite the fact she's now heard it four times that day alone and for years on normal radio stations and in movies, and she doesn't want to make a fool of herself. She doesn't think he notices, his eyes staring into hers. "I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope; I'll be your love,"</p><p>She hears his breath hitch, before his own voice comes out in a whisper, though he isn't singing like her, it's enough for her to know he wants to, but he doesn't want to drown out her voice. He knows she hasn't sung in years, not since her father died, having lost that ability in her grief. "Be everything that you need." He whispers-sings, and she blinks away her tears.</p><p>They both know it isn't just a song, not just them being cliché and cheesy by singing to one another, but a promise. A promise to be faithful, to be the person they need in their darkest hour, the person they love one day. But it's the word hope that gets her, thinking of the last person who gave her hope like Peeta does every day.</p><p>The last person who did that was so long ago she hasn't even thought of it, having lost sight of it within her grief and despair.</p><p>She had been twelve years old, just a slip of a girl; sat outside of a bakery in town she can't remember the name of in the Merchant section on a bench. She had been sobbing so hard she had no breath in her body, her stomach churning and clenching painfully seeing as she hadn't eaten in days. Not since Rooba in the Hob had given Katniss some food, feeling sorry for her and her family after her father had died two weeks before.</p><p>All she'd had was a second hand black dress that was in the back of her mothers closet, which was far too big for her but would do considering the day, her braid down her left shoulder, messy and unkempt from her running away from her father's funeral- the pain too much for her to handle, feeling like she was dying inside. Her mother had shut down on her, she had her little sister to care for since her father couldn't do it anymore, and she was completely alone in the world with no money, no food, and no means of providing for her family. She was so lost; she didn't know what to do.</p><p>But, in her darkest moment, a boy had approached her, concern in his eyes. He was only a couple of years older than her, she guessed, no more, with curly blonde hair that fell on his forehead in waves, and the most stunning blue eyes she had ever seen in her life. He was kind, asking her what had happened, if she was hurt, comforting her for as long as it took for her to be able to speak without sobbing.</p><p>After nearly half an hour in her company, something in him seemed to change, and his eyes clouded over with something she still doesn't understand, but he'd marched away from her and she had assumed she did something to upset him or anger him. She had nearly sobbed again, losing the one person who really, <em>really</em>, listened to her, tried to help without giving a sob story of his own- despite the fact she could see a big, black and blue bruise on his right eye. However, a few minutes later, he stepped out again, with a loaf of bread in hand that he gifted to her.</p><p>She didn't pay him, though she offered, and she had no means of ever giving him back something for the debt she owed him, but he asked for nothing and genuinely seemed to want nothing. She had been so thankful, never having had anyone do anything like that for her before, not even when her dear father was alive. In her greatful state, she'd pressed a small, short, tentative kiss to his cheek before she had to go and get the bread to her family.</p><p>On her way home, she had stared at the loaf in disbelief. It was fine, perfect really, and she never understood why he would give it to her so willingly, for free no less. On her way home, she had held the loaf close to her chest, practically sprinting home where she knew her mother and Prim would be. It had burnt her skin and she had winced, but looking back now, it was nothing compared to what she later went through.</p><p>By the time she had reached home, the loaf was had cooled, but the insides were still warm, smelling so good that she had to force herself not to scoff it in a few bites. As she dropped them on the table, Prim's hands had reached to tear off a chunk, but Katniss had made her sit, forced her mother to join them at the table, and poured warm tea.</p><p>They ate an entire loaf, slice by slice. It was good hearty bread, filled with raisins and nuts. It fuelled them with what they needed to get through another day.</p><p>Though she had seen him in school once or twice, she had never had a clue who he was, his name, nothing, but she knew that the next time she saw him, she would thank him again. Just because she could and because he deserved far more than a thank you for what he did.</p><p>But she never saw him again after that, not for months in school, and when she had left early because she couldn't afford to waste time there anymore when she could hunt and earn a living and get her family food. She never learned his name, never learned anything about him except he was kind.</p><p>Then suddenly, she remembers his face, and she's disgusted with herself for not remembering sooner. She remembered the details but not he's actual face, but the second she does know, she visualises him in front of her.</p><p>You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.</p><p>And that face is the exact same as the one in front of her, making her inhale sharply, her eyes catching his as he looks concern, but she doesn't pull away. If anything, she moves closer.</p><p>Of course it's him, of course the kindest boy she had ever known turned into the kindest man, the most gentlemanly, sweet, caring, considerate man she'd ever had the privilege to spend time with. She should tell him now, but she refrains, not wanting to bring it up in case he doesn't remember, but she knows Peeta. She doesn't think he would forget the bruise on his eye or the way she had sobbed, but maybe she's wrong. It was twelve years ago now, and he'll have forgotten all about it.</p><p>'<em>I want to live like this forever...'</em></p><p>She swallows, her eyes looking into his for a brief moment before she leans in slowly, her lips pressing against his. Of course, it isn't the first time, and she hopes it won't be the last. Every time she kisses him, it feels different, in a good way, like she's opening up her heart to him, giving him special, important piece of her she knows he'll hold onto until she gives him enough pieces to make something beautiful. He's a painter; he should be good at that by now.</p><p>Kissing him, despite their crowded surroundings, is like opening up her soul, tasting feeling and seeing every colour of the rainbow in their own sensual way. To her, without sounding cliché, it's like catching a smile in a bottle, capturing the softness and sweetness and keeping it for whenever she'll need it next. For support or comfort, she'll use that smile one hundred times, especially if it's his.</p><p>He pulls her closer by her waist, wrapping his arms around her body and lifting her slightly so they're completely level, and now she knows she can be cliché but honest by saying this feels like she's levitating off the ground, floating with him and no one can reach them, with him keeping her safe.</p><p>As his lips deepen their kiss, she can't help but compare him to an aphrodisiac, something she can't get enough of, mixed with Pandora's box unopened- not knowing what's inside but she's so, so desperate to. To her, nothing else but them in the middle of the room exists, and nothing she can say will ever be able to put it well enough to describe how safe she feels, the warmth inside her, keeping her protected from any harm. He's keeping her safe, and she knows that will never change.</p><p>As they pull away slowly, she realises what all of those feelings mean, and something inside her immediately panics. She's never felt this before, never felt this protected and loved and cared for. She's never felt so warm, so comforted, so...loved. And she knows she can never compare it to anything else. Because despite all her fears and reservations, she can't deny what this truly means.</p><p>She can't deny what just wanting to be with him means, what not caring about money or materialistic things means, only ever wanting to be in his company just because she does, because he makes her laugh above all else, he wraps an arm around her when she's sad, he holds her when she cries. He smiles with glee whenever she does, plainly because he's just so happy to make her happy, never expecting anything in return but she just constantly wants to give him even a piece of the happiness he has bestowed upon her.</p><p>And now, with him staring at her with the amount of care, almost love she would guess, in his eyes, she knows she can no longer deny it, and she feels like hunger in her belly that she always feels when he gives her this look. The hunger that overtook her in bed that morning she'd pulled him into her arms, and she knows this would have happened anyway.</p><p>She loves him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That was chapter ten of however many I end up doing of this, I am unsure what I will end up doing. Anyway, I've been brushing up on all of my 90s movies knowledge and be prepared to see way more songs, I'm loving this!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. She's In Love With The Boy – Trisha Yearwood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Almost like a switch has been flipped on her life, once so dull and bleak, so horrifying to even consider her future, she's now full of life and smiles and just pure, unadulterated happiness.</p><p>She's in love.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My 90s theme of music is still going strong here, except I don't know if this one counts. This one is not in a film as far as I can remember but I may be wrong. Anyway, this one is She's In Love With The Boy – Trisha Yearwood. Enjoy!</p><p>Oh wait, I have to add that I, unfortunately, do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>But Katie's young and man she just don't care, she'd follow Tommy anywhere, she's in love with the boy...'</em></p><p>Scraping the burnt eggs out of the pan, Katniss frowns, her nose wrinkling, as she knows she's ruined yet another breakfast, ignoring the radio beside her. Despite this, she knows nothing is going to spoil her happy mood. Not recently, at least. She hasn't been able to tear the smile off of her face for weeks now, never having felt happier then she does now.</p><p>It's been six weeks since she began dating Peeta, six amazing, love filled- on her part at least- and exciting weeks that have left her stunned by him every time.</p><p>Almost like a switch has been flipped on her life, once so dull and bleak, so horrifying to even consider her future, she's now full of life and smiles and just pure, unadulterated happiness.</p><p>She's in love.</p><p>Truthfully, she isn't sure if she's ever really been in love before. Not like this, at least. With Gale, it had been kinship and his understanding that had made her like him, but after a year of liking him, it was fear that propelled their relationship, and she doesn't think she can ever say she truly loved him.</p><p>With Peeta it's completely different. She knows there will be no switch being flipped on her again, he's not the type, he would never do something like that, and the man can't lie to her to save his life, so she knows he could never do that. He has no fire, no rage, no annoyances, and everything he does it done gently and well thought out.</p><p>Peeta Mellark can't even buy a chocolate bar in candy store a unless he knows it's fairtrade and will benefit others. He can't walk into a party without buying a drink for at least the first five people he speaks to, and he always pays for dinner or movies despite her arguing. She appreciates it, she does, but she wants to pay sometimes.</p><p>No, Peeta isn't the type to change. He won't even change phone companies because he's afraid of upsetting someone down the phone. He once tried to quit the gym his mother signed him up for 'in good faith' but the person on the phone had managed to convince him to extend his membership. Ever since, Peeta has gone to the gym.</p><p>He claims he enjoys it, but Katniss knows him better. She knows he would much rather go for a run with her when she does, in the rare occasions that happens, or bake in the morning to his hearts content. Peeta hates the fact he's strong from the fact he lifted bags of flour right over his head when he worked in his families bakery, claiming he thinks it makes him look too threatening.</p><p>Admittedly, she likes his arms the way they are, and the rest of him, though she's too much of a prude to ever admit it to him or even look for too long if he has his shirt off in front of her. His arms are bulky and large, muscled in the perfect way, and she loves how they feel when he pulls her in for a cuddle on cold nights out in his garden, how warm and safe he feels as a whole. He doesn't have abs as some women claim is 'oh so attractive' but he's slim with strong muscles there too, and if she's honest she much prefers that he doesn't have the 'desired' abs.</p><p>To her, he's perfect, and she knows he feels the same about her even though she'll never understand why.</p><p>Though they haven't taken the step to consummate their budding relationship, they have spent most of their time together, almost every day in fact. Whether it's a quick coffee at work where they hold hands or he wraps his arm around her, or them kissing on his couch like randy teenagers, never going further than allowing their hands to wander but never go under the clothes yet. He knows she isn't ready, she isn't sure if she ever will be and she worries that might be the case, though he doesn't know everything that happened to her before she met him.</p><p>That's the other sore spot in their relationship that she just can't shake. Her past. Peeta knows some things about it, he knows part of what Gale did, he knows the name Gale and knows that Katniss is married and pending a divorce, but he doesn't know much else. He has tried to talk to her about her getting back into contact with her family, though she always refuses, claiming she still isn't ready.</p><p>She has been in town for nearly five months now, and felt safe for the six weeks they have been together- but only when with him- but she still doesn't think it's time to speak to her sister and mother. She's not ready; she doesn't think she'll ever be ready, even though she feels the loss of them so keenly it's killing her.</p><p>Sighing to herself, Katniss turns to face the counter in front of her where Annie has left her laptop open when she went to the bathroom. Some social media blog is open with Annie's name on it, one Katniss knows her little sister uses, and she takes a step toward the laptop slowly.</p><p>Checking that no one can see her, with Finnick sat watching TV in the room near her and Annie in the bathroom, Katniss sits down on the stool her friend vacated with her hands typing before she can even stop them.</p><p>Primrose Everdeen.</p><p>A few searches come up, and it takes a couple of seconds of searching before she sees her little sisters profile come up, making her take a sharp inhale of breath. "Prim." She whispers, clicking on the profile.</p><p>Her sister's page, once full of happy memories and praise, photos of herself making achievements or whatever else comes to mind, is now full of photos of her and Katniss taken over the years. Prim's profile photo is one of the last photos they ever took, on the night Katniss got injured and Gale ran before anyone could find out. It's her, Prim and their mother sat around the table; their arms wrapped around one another with big smiles, and Katniss wishes her smile back then hadn't been faked.</p><p>In the photo, she's wearing some green dress that the details of don't matter, but her chest is on display, with no marks in sight, both of her arms are the same. She looks normal. She looks like any other twenty-four year old woman, happy with her family, beautiful even.</p><p>Blinking her tears back, Katniss scrolls down, seeing some of the hundreds of posts that Prim has posted, every single one of them photos of the pair growing up, of their mother and Katniss, of Katniss on her own when she was younger, them with their father. Any photo Prim has, she seems to have put out into the world, all with captions praying for Katniss to come home.</p><p>They aren't religious people, not by a long shot, but her sister seems to have been praying to a deity neither of them believe in just so she can get her sister back. It makes her heart ache. Physically ache from the pain and the loss of her family, the family she loves so dearly but is too ashamed to face.</p><p>Katniss is no longer that young girl, strong and beautiful, unscarred and feeling worthy of something. She's broken and lost, hurt and afraid, only just now beginning to build herself back together after it being nearly a year since she got scalded by the burning kettle water, finally taken out of that house.</p><p>She isn't free.</p><p>Every night of her life, she's dreamt of being back in that house. Every night she wakes up screaming, the only nights she doesn't are the night she has spent in Peeta's arms when they fall asleep on his couch together, with a soft blanket covering them and the fire burning itself out.</p><p>Hearing footsteps beginning to come in her direction in the kitchen, she quickly exits out of the page and wipes her eyes before standing and continuing the scrape at the pan she was before.</p><p>"Urg, another failed attempt?" Annie wrinkles her nose, coming up behind Katniss and peering at the pan. "We have no more eggs. Why don't you just get Peeta to cook?"</p><p>"Because," Katniss scrapes the last of the egg away from the pan, pretending she had been doing it the whole time and it was hard word, shaking out her wrist like it aches. It does, a bit, but it's nothing compared to her heart. "Peeta always cooks. I invited him to breakfast on our day off and I said I would cook. So I am cooking."</p><p>Raising a brow, Annie nods, before she heads to the fridge and pulls out two bottles of fresh water, passing one to Katniss before she speaks again. "Well, you're certainly burning. I don't think we can pass anything off as cooking yet."</p><p>Sending a scowl her friend's way, Katniss takes a big gulp of water. "Okay," She mumbles after she's swallowed. "Maybe I can use that just add water pancake mix. Surely I can cook something so easy."</p><p>"Worth a try."</p><p>It turns out she can't cook something 'so easy'. She really can't. Somehow, the mess she makes is worse, the pancakes are both undercooked and burnt, and when she tried to flip one the way she's seen people do in movies, the handle had come off of the pan and made it go flying into a cupboard. It splattered pancake mix everywhere, on the floor and walls and some of it is even in her hair.</p><p>"Wow, you really can't cook something so easy, can you?" Finnick comments as he enters his kitchen to find a highly amused Annie and unimpressed, frustrated, Katniss Everdeen. "Want me to make something you can pass off as your own?"</p><p>Cleaning up the last of the pancake mix, Katniss stands, throwing it in the garage can along with the now broken pan. "You're a good man, Finnick Odair."</p><p>"Don't forget it." He smirks, grabbing her by the shoulders gently and pushing her lightly towards the stairs, and she doesn't flinch, which she counts as personal growth on her part. "Go shower, you have pancake mix in your hair."</p><p>Sighing, she picks some of the half cooked mixture from her long tresses. "Why are you helping? Isn't it funnier to watch?"</p><p>"Peeta is my friend." Finnick shrugs, like it's no big deal, but she can hear something in his voice that tells her it is. "As are you. And I want Everlark to sail better than the Titanic."</p><p>Laughing, she nods, before giving him two, big, thumbs up and rushing up the stairs so she can do as he says, her mind whirling as she thinks of the bond she's managed to build with Finnick and Annie over the last few weeks- especially Finnick, who is like the big brother she never had but always wanted.</p><p>After her shower, she quickly pulls on a jumper that covers her fully and jeans, not bothering on doing anything special with her hair besides shoving it in it's usual, messy, braid off to the left side of her head. She knows for a fact Peeta is already there, if the voice she had heard earlier and door opening was an indicator.</p><p>"Early like clockwork." She comments, seeing the time is still twenty minutes before he should be there, only nine am, but she doesn't mind. If anything, she much prefers it, being able to see him more.</p><p>When she goes down, she only hears the radio at first, with the song from earlier playing again. Katniss tamps down her annoyance that she usually has when she hears Panem Radio replaying the same song over and over again, but only because she spots Peeta sat on a stool drinking a cup of coffee with his back turned to her.</p><p>'<em>She's in love with the boy, and even if they have to run away, she's gonna marry that boy someday...'</em></p><p>Coming up behind him, she wraps her arms around his waist, pressing her nose into the crook on his neck. "Morning." She greets with a grin, only loosening her grip so he can stand and pull her in for a gentle kiss.</p><p>His lips are soft and warm, and she can taste a mix of the coffee he was drinking along with some of his mint toothpaste, which usually she would hate but on him it tastes like lazy Sunday mornings with the man she's head over heels with. When he deepens their kiss, she can't help her soft moan of pleasure, letting him turn them so her back is to the counter he was sat by.</p><p>"Woah! I said I want this ship to sail not hump on my kitchen counter." Finnick tugs them apart, ignoring the matching glares he receives for it. "I will not be looked at like that," Katniss crosses her arms, poking her tongue to her top lip, clearly unimpressed. "I am not having an Everlark baby conceived where I eat my food."</p><p>Shrugging, she drops her irritated act so she can move to sit down next to Peeta when he takes back his chair, her hand dropping to rest on his right knee closest to her. For some reason, he always makes sure to sit with his right side to her, his left leg always pushed out like he's uncomfortable or stiff there. She never comments on it, never asking, and she just accepts that she has never sat on the left side. "Sorry, Finnick." She chimes, not feeling sorry at all.</p><p>With a chuckle, Peeta takes the hand on his knee in his own, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles like the gentleman he is, and he keeps her hand in his over the counter even when Finnick goes into a story about people and why they should never have sex on surfaces that make food.</p><p>"Like you and Annie have never gotten frisky on a kitchen counter." Peeta comments, his eyes trained on Finnick like he knows something, making the other man go silent. "In fact, the one we're leaning on." He quickly moves away from it slightly, his nose wrinkling.</p><p>"What?" Her eyes widen, her hand dragging his to rest on her lap, feeling his thumb brush over her knuckles gently. "I make food on this counter."</p><p>"Well, you try." Finnick teases, holding up a full plate of pancakes in his hand, placing them in front of the pair. "Katniss tried to make pancakes, scrambled eggs, a full English breakfast and toast. All of which somehow failed. If you hadn't of been early, we were going to pretend my pancakes were hers."</p><p>Peeta glances over at her, a smile on his face, which shocks her because she was expecting him to be mad at her. Why? She isn't sure. But she's so used to someone being mad at her that it's become second nature to assume someone is. "Thank you for trying." He leans over to brush a feather light kiss to her forehead. "I appreciate it."</p><p>Katniss pulls their hands apart and grabs a plate when Finnick offers it, her nose scrunching in disappointment when he leaves the room to give them some privacy. "I hardly did a good job." She shrugs. "I burnt everything. Guess Gale was right about that-"</p><p>"Hey," Peeta starts, a wrinkle in his brow, his hand reaching and takings hers once more, and tugs their entwined fingers to his lap unconsciously. "He was right about nothing." He assures her, something in his eyes she can't place and she isn't sure she wants to.</p><p>"He was right that I couldn't cook. I still can't." She points out, her tone deflated, and she feels awful that she can't even master one of the simplest of tasks that someone should know how to do, especially the girlfriend of a baker turned small town doctor. Isn't she supposed to know how to cook, clean, sew, bake and look effortlessly gorgeous at the same time? Every other woman knows how.</p><p>"Anyone can cook." He shrugs.</p><p>"You did not just quote Ratatouille at me." She smirks, shaking her head at him when he nods.</p><p>They watched that film a week ago when he realised she hadn't seen it and insisted she needed to, especially since one of his brothers was coming to town soon with his children and the eldest boy loves the movie and will expect her to as well. Ever since, Peeta keeps quoting it at her. Maybe he's the one obsessed, not his nephew.</p><p>"You can bet I did." He chuckles, pressing a kiss to her hand, and she leans in closer so he can press a short, but well meaning and loving, kiss to her lips. His nose nudges against hers as he continues. "You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from."</p><p>Her eyes soften, knowing he's still quoting but the words are beautiful and relevant enough to make her swoon.</p><p>"Your only limit is your soul." He smiles, pressing another soft kiss to the corner of her mouth, like he can't get over doing it and he doesn't want to. "What I say is true – anyone can cook…but only the fearless can be great."</p><p>Staring at him for a long moment, she can't help her heart flutter in the way it always does with him, filled with love she can't yet express, dying to tell him but too afraid he won't feel the same, desperate to keep him as hers. "I think I am way far past being defined because of where I come from." She comments instead of the millions of things in her head. "If that were true, I wouldn't be here now."</p><p>He wiggles his brows. "With a dashing and handsome Doctor who can mend a broken femur as well as bake you pretty cakes and pictures?" Peeta questions, his tone teasing, and she loves how they can slip from being completely serious one minute to joking the next. "I can also make a mean pavlova."</p><p>Patting his cheek gently, Katniss presses another kiss to his lips before pulling away so she can load her plate up with the pancakes Finnick made. She won't waste food or let it go cold. Where she grew up, if you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat. "Don't sell your cheese buns short, I love those."</p><p>"I know you love my buns." He grins, following her lead so he can grab some pancakes. "If you want I can make you some and put them in the oven so they're ready for later?"</p><p>"You want to put your buns in my oven?" Katniss raises an eyebrow at him, making him smirk, as he fully well knew what he was saying. He truly is the only person in her life who could ever get away with such jokes, and she's happy to say she would certainly let him do it. Put the cheese buns in her literal oven, not the other thing.</p><p>"Maybe just one. I wouldn't want to make you cook too much." He smirks, using a knife and fork to dig into his portion of pancakes, completely different to how Katniss eats them with her hands. She doesn't use any syrup of lemon juice or sugar, so it's easier to rip them apart and eat them like that, and she won't change how she eats for him. She's done changing things for someone else. "Then a couple of years later we could try another one."</p><p>Grinning, Katniss punches his shoulder gently. "Shut up." She shakes her head, not wanting to think about buns in her oven besides the ones in the literal oven near them that she hasn't touched in ages. "You can put the cheese buns in the literal stove."</p><p>"Shame. I was hoping you'd be open to both." He teases, taking a gulp of his coffee so he can ignore the playful scowl she's sending him. They both know it's all in jest, and he's glad she took it so well even though he knows she would. They have yet to have their first fight, and he certainly doesn't want it to be over him making a baking pun. That wouldn't be as funny as it sounds.</p><p>"Make me those cheese buns and we'll talk."</p><hr/><p>It turns out; their first fight isn't that far away, as two weeks after their morning together, they actually have one. A fight small but big enough to make them both irritated, and big enough to have her storm out of his home to the garden just so she can avoid him, her eyes filled with tears she hasn't shed yet.</p><p>He wants her to meet his family.</p><p>It's stupid, how quickly his question had led to a fully fledged argument, with her throwing her hands around and panicking and him trying to calm her down, but the moment he had taken a step toward her to calm her, she had a less than favourable reaction.</p><p>"<em>Katniss," Peeta had started, their eyes trained on the TV in front of them as it played a movie from the nineties that had come on, where Hugh Grant plays a man who falls in love with a woman played by Andie MacDowell over the course of four weddings and a funeral. "I have something to ask." </em></p><p>
  <em>She glanced up at him from where her head was resting on his chest, their legs entwined under the blanket with his arms wrapped around her. "You better not ask to go to the bathroom again, you know you don't have to ask that, right? This is your house." She joked, but saw the look in his eyes as being too nervous to joke back so she had shut up and quickly sat up straight. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He followed her, swinging his legs over the side of the couch, and she didn't miss the way one leg goes out straight like it hurts him, but she didn't comment. "My family is coming to town next week. Well, my family only being my brother and his wife and children. My mother said she wasn't coming but is likely to change her mind. Which means most likely all of my family. So both brothers will be here, my parents-"</em>
</p><p>"<em>Peeta." She scowled, her eyes narrowing. "You know I usually enjoy watching you squirm, but you're worrying me now. Please just spit it out."</em></p><p>"<em>Uhm," He coughed once, staring at the floor like he wanted a giant hole to open up and swallow him whole. "They'll be staying here. Well, one of my brothers and his family and my parents. My other brother lives here." </em></p><p>
  <em>She knew that. He has two older brothers, though if anyone were to look at them, they would consider all three to be twins. There is Bannock, who is thirty-two and moved to the town of One, the CEO of a large pharmaceutical company that has taken over what seems like everywhere. The town he lives in is huge, their main export being luxury items, but he decided he wanted to live there because of the grandeur and easy access to the Capitol and other towns. He met a woman there and had a big family that only keeps growing. He is their mother's favourite, the only one she is proud of, according to Peeta. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then, there is Rye who Peeta moved to Four with and whom Peeta is much closer to. Rye has some kind of relationship with Delly Cartwright that the woman had never so much as mentioned to Katniss, but then again, she was far too interested in Katniss and Peeta to talk about her own life. He's nearly twenty-nine now, only being two years older than Peeta, and is a Detective- making him second in his mother's favourites list. To Peeta, even the family dog was better than him. She hated it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rye is more easy-going apparently, and they would get along well. Peeta once told her he would have named his son Rye if it weren't for the fact Rye had such a big ego and would never let him let it down. Bannock, however, is more serious and only cares about what he could buy or sell. According to Peeta, if dandruff had a going rate, Bannock would scalp you for it. </em>
</p><p>"<em>It's a big house, that's understandable." Katniss shrugged, unsure of what his question would be. Did he want her to avoid them whilst they're here? Had he not mentioned her? She isn't sure. </em></p><p>"<em>W-I-" Peeta struggled, trying to figure out the correct way to phrase whatever his question is, before he seemed to just spit it out however it came. "Would you like to meet them?" </em></p><p>
  <em>Katniss stared at him for a long moment. She blinked. Twice. "I-What?" Her eyes widened when he repeated his question, but she still didn't reply. He wanted her to meet his family, the people he grew up and were raised by, the most important people in his life, most likely. "W-Why would you want me to meet them?" She asked instead of any of the hundreds of questions in her brain.</em>
</p><p>"<em>Well," He smiled nervously for a moment, his eyes glancing up at her, but only for a split second as the moment he saw the look on her face he looked away again. "We're together, we're dating, and I'm-We're in a relationship. Right?" He double-checked, and at her nod he breathed a sigh of relief. "Why wouldn't I want you to meet my family?"</em></p><p>"<em>It's a big step." She stated, shrugging her shoulders. "We've only been dating eight weeks." </em></p><p>"<em>Two months is long enough to know that I would like you to meet them." He bit down on his bottom lip, knowing he had to tread carefully, with them entering a dangerous territory. "It's fine if not." He stood, grabbing their empty wine glasses and bringing them to the kitchen so he could refill them, like it's important right then and there to do it, but she knows it was just so he could avoid her eyes. </em></p><p>
  <em>Following him, she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not saying I don't want to." She defended, her tone low, almost irritated. "I just haven't met parents in a long time. Doing so makes it seem very serious-"</em>
</p><p>"<em>I always thought we were serious." He finally looked up at her, the look in his eyes hurt and she hated herself for putting that look there. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." </em></p><p>"<em>No, Peeta, I'm not saying we weren't serious- aren't serious." She quickly corrected herself, stumbling over her words, but the fact she even had to correct herself made him frown. "You should ask. We're in a relationship."</em></p><p>
  <em>Peeta looked away, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of white wine so he could ignore her gaze and how he felt. "Katniss, really, forget I even mentioned it. It's too soon for you-"</em>
</p><p>"<em>No!" She exclaimed, her arms dropping and her foot nearly stomping on the wooden floors from how much his answer upset her. "Don't you dare try make it seem like it's all me!" </em></p><p>"<em>I'm not saying that." He whipped around, placing the bottle of wine down calmly on the island counter near him even though he felt anything but serene and at ease. "I was just saying that if you aren't ready, it's okay. You know I would never make something seem like it's your fault-"</em></p><p>"<em>But it is my fault!" She scowled, her eyes angry and unfocused. "In your eyes. I can see how much it hurt you, and now I'm the asshole of this story. I didn't mean to make it sound like we aren't serious but for gods sakes it's only been eight weeks!" She stopped immediately, regretting the words the moment they leave her mouth. </em></p><p>"<em>Exactly!" He blurted out, shrugging his shoulders, and the action only irritated her further. "It's why I said not to worry. You don't have to meet them, I'll tell them you're busy and can't-"</em></p><p>"<em>No, because then I'm the bitch of a girlfriend who can't even be bothered to get a day off for her boyfriends family who have travelled all this way to see their son and brother." She waved her arms around like she's in some kind of crappy soap opera. "I'm sorry I said that, okay, I didn't mean that eight weeks isn't long or-"</em></p><p>"<em>You made your stance perfectly clear." </em></p><p>"<em>No!" Katniss glared, trying to be calm but she just felt this burning rage building up inside of her, and even she's not sure as to why. Maybe it's from all the times she couldn't fight back, too broken or afraid or upset, too willing to put her emotions aside to make someone else's life easier. And now, in a silly disagreement, she's making things worse by projecting them onto him. "I didn't mean it like that. Why do you always have to take things to heart? It only hurts you and makes you emotional. I just wish you didn't-"</em></p><p>
  <em>The look on his face was enough to make her pause and back away, realising what she had said. His soft nature, forgiving yet so very fragile in its own way, is one of the things Peeta had been berated for his whole life for by his mother. She doesn't know a lot about his past, even though he is far more willing to admit things about it than she is, but she knows enough to know he was tormented by her for being 'weak, pathetic and overly emotional'. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peeta can't help it; he takes things to heart and gives everything his all. It's one of the many things she adores about him, the way he will always understand and always think of how she's feeling, his constant gentle concern and how sweet he is with her. But she knows it something he worries about daily, something he's insecure about and hates about himself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He would never bring up something like that, something she despises about herself and was hurt for, both mentally and physically, he would never even think of wanting her to be a slight bit different. Yet, she just did that to him. She just threw it in his face point blank like ripping off a band aid, making it seem like something terrible when in reality it's part of him right to the core and something she loves so, so much. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Disgusted with herself, she had moved back, further away from him, not calming at all, if anything only more irritated but more at herself. "I didn't mean that." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peeta's jaw had clenched, a sign he was either angry or about to burst into tears, and the only way she could tell the difference was the fact his eyes were shining like glass, full of unshed tears. "Yes you did." He muttered. </em>
</p><p>"<em>No I didn't." She shook her head quickly, her eyes wide. "Peeta, I swear, I didn't-"</em></p><p>
  <em>A frown on his face, he looked over at her once more. "You did." He nearly growled out, and she could tell he was making himself sound angry so that he wouldn't cry, and she hated that tone on him more than she can ever express. "You said something honest, stand by it. It's worse when you take it back." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Katniss shook her head, her nose scrunching as she tried to think of something, anything, to say to make it better. "Peeta, I swear, it just came out. You know I would never even dream of making a comment like that. You know that's not how I really feel, it just came out, and I was angry so-"</em>
</p><p>"<em>Angry words are bitter truths people won't admit to." </em></p><p>
  <em>His words rang true, and she hated every single one that comes out of his mouth because she knows it's true. But not in that moment, her angry words are just that. Words she said because she just wanted him to stop taking her other words to heart. But it failed, and if anything he's only more upset. And now she is too. </em>
</p><p>"<em>Peeta, you know that isn't how I feel-"</em></p><p>"<em>No I don't!" He exclaimed finally, turning to face her fully and his whole demeanor was so far away from the friendly, kind, warm man she's fallen so fast and hard in love with. "I don't know how you feel because I don't want to know about the things I have that annoy you, I don't want to know that me being emotional and god forbid, caring about you irritates you." </em></p><p>"<em>That isn't how I feel!" She argued back, her upset turning into anger once more. </em></p><p>"<em>Then why did you wish for me to be different?" He asked loudly, his eyes shining with those tears once again, and she hated herself even more – if that's even possible. "You didn't finish but that's what you were doing to say. So finish it now."</em></p><p>"<em>NO!" She nearly screamed, her arms flying up like she can't believe how dense he could be, fuelled by upset, and if anything, he proved her stupid point. She'd never been so angry to be correct. "Because I didn't mean it! Haven't you ever said something you didn't mean in anger before?"</em></p><p>"<em>Shockingly enough, no." He stated simply, shrugging his shoulders. </em></p><p>
  <em>It's not a shock; she doubts Peeta gets angry often. Even now, he's not angry, more hurt and upset and acting angry so he can save face. Peeta never gets angry because he knows what it's like to be yelled at for everything you say, every move you make, being yelled at for things he can't even help. He thought he was safe with her, that his feelings were safe, but she knows she had just torn him apart. </em>
</p><p>"<em>Well," She scoffed, jutting out her hip in a cliché manner that all women supposedly do in the books when they're angry. She doesn't think she'd ever done it in her life before then. "How fucking brilliant to be you. Oh, the wonderful Peeta Mellark who never gets angry and is so damn perfect!"</em></p><p>"<em>Hardly perfect." He looked away, his eyes still hurt, but getting angrier, and she hates how she was the one who has put that look there. All it makes her think of is some old quote from Robert Jordan that 'Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget' and for a terrifying moment she truly thinks he will never forgive her for throwing one of his insecurities at him. "Anything but perfect-"</em></p><p>"<em>It doesn't even matter." She cut him off, her eyes still as angry as before despite her hatred of herself. "All that matters is that I didn't mean what I said!"</em></p><p>"<em>Then why say it at all?" He exclaims, leaning on the counter and staring at the bottle of wine in front of him like it'll answer all of his questions. </em></p><p>"<em>Because I'm an idiot who just let her mouth run without thinking!" She yelled right back, nearly seething out the words from how angry she is, from how irritated and frustrated she is. "I was just saying that I didn't mean to make it sound like we aren't serious or that eight weeks isn't a long time! You know I have never been happier than I have been since being with you!" </em></p><p>"<em>And all I was saying it that it's fine that you don't want to meet my family!" </em></p><p>"<em>But I DO!" She screamed back, watching his expression immediately shift from pretend anger-real hurt- into confusion, uncertainty in her and her words. "I want to meet your fucking family! I'm no good at this! I'm scared, okay?" She glared, not expecting an answer. "I am terrified of your family hating me or thinking I'm not good enough for you because, spoiler alert, I'm not good enough! Not for you. And I am terrified you're going to finally realise that and leave me!" </em></p><p>
  <em>Her words seemed to have made the desired impact, but the moment he reaches out for her, his hand raised to pull her into a gentle embrace to try help soothe her, and he takes a step forward, she does the worst thing possible in that situation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She flinched. </em>
</p><p>"<em>Don't!" She yelled, backing away and hitting her back off a cupboard door in her haste, her eyes squeezing shut like she's expecting an impact. "Please, don't, I'm sorry-," She sobbed out, before she realised where she was and what was happening. </em></p><p>
  <em>Peeta was stood in shock, not having moved an inch from his reaching out, and his eyes were broken, hurt and afraid and he looked like he was about to vomit, going completely pale. His skin has gone pallid, drained of any colour and his eyes are darkened. </em>
</p><p>"<em>I-" He paused, still unsure, and his body drops, before he stared at the fear and growing worry on her face. </em></p><p>
  <em>She had flinched; she had backed away, screamed out for him to stop, for him to leave her along. She had begged for him not to hit her. She thought, in that moment, he would hurt her. She thought he would hit her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The thought alone made bile rise in his throat, and he backed away, holding up one finger in the air until he had raced out of the room, running to the bathroom to be sick- nauseas in way he will never be able to explain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Katniss, however, was still stood in shock, watching him go before her fight or flight instinct kicked in. She chose flight, darting out of the kitchen to his garden in only a thin long sleeved shirt and pajama pants, having intended on sleeping there that night like she so often did. She hadn't intended on going outside at all, and the cold air had hit her like a ton of bricks, making her realise what she had done. </em>
</p><p>Now, she was sat on the front porch swing, tears staining her face, her eyes dull, terrified of what she had done. Alone. She was freezing cold, her arms wrapped around herself for warmth, but she can barely feel the chill as she worries.</p><p>What has she done? She flinched away from him when he was trying to comfort her. He was only reaching out to hug her, embrace her, whatever it was. Peeta would never hurt her. Not in a million years. She knows that. And yet she'd screamed out and braced herself to be hit. She had really thought the kindest, gentlest; man she's ever known would hit her. How?</p><p>For the rest of her life, she doesn't think she will ever, ever, forget the look on his face. Pure fear laced with disgust and horror, with shock and confusion within, his whole body collapsed as he felt as panicked as she did. He was horrified with what she thought, horrified at himself for ever making her think that, and she knows he's only blaming himself.</p><p>The draping of a blanket over her legs makes her turn like lightning towards who did it, her eyes lighting up when she sees Peeta back away to go back inside like he knew she wasn't paying attention and all he wanted was to make sure she wouldn't freeze. He was scared and petrified for her and yet concerned because of something as mundane as the weather, and she's struck by how stupid she is for even considering the possibility he would harm her.</p><p>Turning her head to face him fully, she calls out. "Peeta?" She swallows when he pauses mid-step, headed back into the house. "Don't leave. Please?" She whispers, a tear falling down her face.</p><p>Her expression makes him immediately rush to her side, and when she opens her arms, he tugs her onto his lap. His warmth hits her and she huddles into him, pressing her face into his chest as he pulls up the blanket so her shoulders are covered.</p><p>No words are spoken for a long, long, time. The only sounds are of his littering kisses to her hairline and her soft breathing as they cuddle up together, both of them calming and trying to take stock of their thoughts and feelings.</p><p>She's the first one to speak up; her hand resting over his heart and feeling it thud comfortingly against her palm. "I'm sorry." She whispers, shushing him when he even attempts to say it isn't her fault. "I really overreacted, and I am so, so, so sorry I flinched. I know you would never hurt me, I know you wouldn't, I just had-"</p><p>"I know." He cuts her off, not sounding mad, just understanding. He always understands what she's trying to say, even when she isn't sure she has any real clue herself. "You just had a gut reaction. I know."</p><p>She nods, burying herself into him tightly, her legs pushing his slightly so she can be more comfortable. When she does, she notices the fact one leg, his left she thinks, is harder to move, and she can hear a slight click but she doesn't say anything. "I swear it wasn't you or...it was just a gut thing. Please don't you ever think you did anything wrong."</p><p>Peeta presses a kiss to her temple, his hands running up her back and then moving down again slowly, tracing over each vertebrae in her spine. "I am sorry I pushed you. That isn't your fault, and this argument was not all your fault either. We both just...are stubborn." He trails off.</p><p>Knowing she shouldn't be, Katniss is shocked at his admission. She knows that it was her fault, not seeing anything he did wrong in that situation, and she's so used to being blamed for every fight or bad word said in her life. Peeta willing to take responsibility for an argument he was the victim in was hardly what she expected, but she won't go against him as she knows to never try make herself sound like the bad person when he doesn't feel the same. Peeta will never blame her; she doesn't think he even knows how.</p><p>They lapse into a comfortable silence again, neither of them saying a word out loud but saying them in their heads and their embrace, and the other understands all of it. They say 'I'm sorry' with the brush of her fingers over his heart and his hands rubbing her back, and then they say 'I forgive you' with his lips kissing her forehead and her lips against his chest above his shirt. No words are needed, not really.</p><p>But she needs to say one thing before it's lost and forgotten, or she leaves it too late and then is too nervous to say it. Before he thinks she's only saying it because she feels guilty or before she lets too much time pass and makes it seem like she is only saying it because she had no other option.</p><p>"I want to meet your family when they come." She whispers, lifting her head so she can look up at him, and he brushes the hair out of her eyes, making her smile softly. "Can I?" She asks, sounding nervous even though she knows the answer already. "I promise I really do want to meet them."</p><p>He nods. "Then you will." Like it's final, and her head goes back to lie on his chest, not a word being said between them for the rest of the night. They've said all that needed to be said.</p><p>When she sleeps beside him that night, on the right side like always, his left leg as straight as an arrow and she doesn't understand but won't say a word, she dreams of finally meeting the people who raised this perfect man she loves with everything in her. She dreams of how kind they must be, besides his mother, because she doesn't think she's ever loved a man the way she loves Peeta Mellark, and that goodness had to come from somewhere. The goodness that has made her fall in love with him so fast and hard for him in only five months.</p><p>If only she could tell him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There it is. The longest chapter I had ever written for this fic to date! Woohoo. So I actually thought this would be a lot happier than it would be. But alas, I'm good (I hope) at angst so it crept up on me once more. This is just showing you that even though she's astronomically happy, it does not mean she is automatically cured and feels safe. She's still broken and it'll take time for her to be fixed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Heal The Pain – George Michael</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rolling his eyes good-naturedly at her, Peeta squeezes her hand, but his eyes find hers once more. "I told him that I'm dating the strongest, most infuriating but wonderful woman. I told him that you're the most beautiful person I've ever met in my life, that I think you're perfect even when you drive me mad because you won't put your socks in the washing basket even when it's right there and it isn't that hard to throw-"</p><p>"Getting off track there." She reminds, making him nod and go back to his original point, even though she's blushing fire engine red.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sticking with my theme still, but doing a slight curve because I don't think this song was in any movies. A song by George Michael inspired this fic because I adored him and his music. It's not this one though I wish it had been because this song would have fit too, but I'm putting in a George Michael song because he deserves it. This one is Heal The Pain – 1991.</p><p>I, unfortunately, do not own THG, any of its cast or wonderful characters. I also don't own the song that you'll see the lyrics of, or the movies they belong to.</p><p>Light In The Dark</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'<em>He must have really hurt you to make those pretty eyes look so blue. He must have known that he could, that you'd never leave him...'</em></p><p>Brushing her hair away from her eyes, Katniss tries to ignore the soft sound of the radio in the kitchen, deliberately pushing any bad thoughts from her mind in favour of happier ones. She fails at that fairly quickly, taking note of the lyrics as she can't help but compare it to her past, the way she had felt being with Gale, being scared and stuck.</p><p>The feeling of two hands bracing her clothed shoulders makes her look up, smiling when she sees Peeta, though she's not sure who else she would have bee expecting.</p><p>'<em>Now you can't see my love is good and that I'm not him...'</em></p><p>Today is the day she meets his whole family, and she's scare shitless of what could happen, quite literally. It may not be the most attractive thing to admit to but poor Peeta has had to deal with it for the last week since she said she wanted to meet them. She never used to suffer with it, but apparently instead of crying, her body decides to vomit and excrete all of her worries.</p><p>As an attempt to try and soothe her worries, she's spent every night in Peeta's home, constantly in his embrace and with his never-ending support, for the past week. Admittedly, on the first night, she had felt like it may have been a bad idea, as it had ended up with her half on his lap before they had both realised they shouldn't share a bed because of the temptation that she wasn't ready for, and she doesn't particularly think he was either.</p><p>Since that night, she's spent every evening asleep in his room whilst he took the guest room, not wanting to put her out or make her more nervous than she should be in a bed she'd never been in. She should have gone home to her own, but she had already brought a big bag of her things over that were hung up in his closet next to his things, in his bathroom cupboard and in his living room.</p><p>In the six months they've known one another, some of her things have ended up in his home over time, just from being left there accidentally or on purpose. However, since they've been in a committed relationship and she's been spending most days at his home or him at hers, she's found more of her things at his house than in her own and vice versa.</p><p>At home, in her bedroom, she's found his glasses- that he only wears when at home or in private company when he needs to read- by the bedside where he's spent the night and had gone to sleep reading or watching TV and just left them there for whenever he would need them. She's found his clothes and washed them before putting them in her dresser, where he's found them when needed. His shampoo and shower gel is in her bathroom from when he's taken a shower there, and she even found herself picking up shaving foam once for him.</p><p>He has so many things in her bedroom and en suite bathroom but that doesn't even compare to how much she has at his. In his bedroom, before she stayed the week, she had two whole drawers full of her clothes and undergarments- though she tries to rid herself of the thought of him folding her cotton granny panties she wears for comfort and putting them neatly in a drawer with her completely functional and not at all sexy bras. In his en suite, her toothbrush and toothpaste are there because he knows the other ones make her feel sick or make her feel like she has ash in her mouth.</p><p>She has tampons and pads in his bathroom counter that Peeta has seemed to replace for her every time she's needed to use one in the last few months without saying a word. He cleared a whole cupboard just for her things, and it has since been filled with everything she could ever want. Half of the things she's brought over and the rest are things he has bought her because he thought she'd like them, and her heart leaps at the thought of him in a store sniffing shower gels just for her.</p><p>Attached to the shower wall, her razor sits proudly for whenever she needs to use it, with spares in the cupboard and one attached to the bath on the opposite side of the room to the shower. Her face scrub that Annie let her have, far out of her price range but something she'd enjoyed until she used it all, was replaced whenever she finished it without her having to buy it. For the past week, he's even kept a steady supply of Imodium and anti-sickness medication because of her nervous stomach, and she hates the fact he knows about her toilet habits but also very, very greatful he does.</p><p>In the grand scheme of things, she's glad he's a doctor and she can say words like vomiting or defecating without making him squirm like most people do, though she has tried to make herself sound as ladylike as possible. Then again, she doesn't think there is any ladylike way to tell the man you're in a relationship with that you're shitting bricks and vomiting buckets because of meeting his family. Thank goodness for the fact he didn't seem at all fazed by it, only pressing a kiss to her forehead whenever it's mentioned.</p><p>Half of her is glad they haven't had sex yet, because she can't imagine he would ever find her at all alluring or sexy after listening to her in the bathroom for half an hour. The other half of her hates it because she's frustrated and she genuinely thinks having him push her into the mattress and making her forget her name would help. That and she really didn't want the magic or romance of their relationship to fade in only nine weeks.</p><p>To her joy, it hasn't.</p><p>If anything, Peeta is even sweeter than before somehow, bringing her calming teas and buying her medicine to help with her body deciding to completely ruin her. He makes them both dinners that will be easy on her stomach and drinks water with her even though she sees him eye up the wine bottle on a Saturday night. Peeta hardly drinks, but a glass of wine at the weekend is something they both enjoy. In their heads, they're still those sixteen year olds who weren't allowed to drink, and now they can, they relish in the completely stupid feeling of rebellion.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" He asks in a soft tone, coming around to lean on the dressing table she's at, facing her with a small smile. "Is your stomach okay?"</p><p>That morning, he had woken her up with a glass of water and toast, not wanting to upset her stomach but also give her some sustenance to get her set for the day. Luckily, she had kept it down when eating, while he had gone into the bathroom and ran her a bath with all of those usually bogus but actually rather helpful essential oils. It was sweet and she didn't have the heart to tell him those things rarely work, but when she'd relaxed in the tub listening to him singing in the kitchen while he cleaned, she had smiled so wide it hurt her face. It helped a bit.</p><p>Shaking her head, she wrinkles her nose. "No. If anything, I think it's worse." She sighs, leaning her elbows on the dressing table and covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Why are you sorry?" He asks, taking one of her hands in his town before he grabs the small bottle of hand cream from next to him, squirting some on his hand before rubbing the lotion into her own. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."</p><p>"I do." She mumbles, her eyes watching his hands as they rub the cream into her fingers one by one delicately, as gentle as anything like he's handling something precious. To her, she is, or so he repeatedly tells her. "Most women don't spend a week vomiting and crapping out her organs over the prospect of meeting a mans family."</p><p>To his credit, her words don't bother him, and he doesn't break his motions from rubbing the lotion between her fingers, massaging her hand and nearly making her moan from how good it feels. It probably wouldn't be as good to any other woman, but it's more the fact he's spending so much time on one hand to make her feel better and take care of her that makes it so pleasurable. No one she knows would get this treatment, not even Annie who she knows Finnick loves to the very core. "Well I don't want most women. I want you."</p><p>His words make her melt, and she offers him her other hand once he finishes with one. "I want you too." She replies, lest he forgets that. "What time will they be here?"</p><p>"In about an hour." He informs her, doing the exact same to her other hand, though he does take a moment to examine a burn mark she got earlier when she curled her long hair and misjudged how well she could see. "Huh."</p><p>"Curler."</p><p>"Ass." He jokes, obviously meaning the insult for the curlers, and he takes extra care when rubbing the lotion into the mark even though it doesn't really hurt anymore despite the fact it was only an hour ago. "You know they'll like you, right?" He checks, and when she shakes her head he can't help but sigh. "Well, Rye definitely will because he does from what I've told him."</p><p>"What have you told Rye about me?" She quirks a brow as he finishes with her hand, but keeps it in his grasp gently.</p><p>"You'll call me a liar."</p><p>"Try me." She smirks; raising her eyebrow like it's a challenge. It is.</p><p>Rolling his eyes good-naturedly at her, Peeta squeezes her hand, but his eyes find hers once more. "I told him that I'm dating the strongest, most infuriating but wonderful woman. I told him that you're the most beautiful person I've ever met in my life, that I think you're perfect even when you drive me mad because you won't put your socks in the washing basket even when it's right <em>there </em>and it isn't that hard to throw-"</p><p>"Getting off track there." She reminds, making him nod and go back to his original point, even though she's blushing fire engine red.</p><p>"I told him that you make me so happy. Happier than I ever thought I could be." He continues, and her breath hitches slightly. "I told him that I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it, but that you never once cared about that. Only that I try to say it."</p><p>She nods, knowing at least that much is true.</p><p>"I told him that if you let me, I would spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way." He swallows, moving swiftly on before either of them can do something cheesy and cry, but then she realises something.</p><p>"Did you just quote <em>Friends</em>?" She asks, tilting her head, as his speech sounded exactly like what Chandler said to Monica when he proposed.</p><p>"I did." He confirms, making her hand slip out of his grasp so she can deliver a well aimed, but gentle because she still loves him, punch to his arm. "Sorry, sorry, but everything else I said was true. In fact, I did say that exact quote to him but he didn't get the TV show connection and he thought I was just sappy-"</p><p>"Which you are-" She chimes in.</p><p>"Which I am." He smirks, catching her hand before she can punch him again. "You love that I'm all sappy and that I'm forever quoting TV shows and movies and books at you."</p><p>"Mh, I do." She nods, standing up from where she's sat in front of the dressing table. Her knees move to push open his legs from where he's leaning against the table, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I just love everything about you, I suppose. Even when you insist I have to use a coaster-"</p><p>"You'll leave rings on that new wooden coffee table!" He protests, but he's smiling and she knows that although it does infuriate him that she never uses a coaster the first try, he doesn't mind all that much.</p><p>She hums, her hand slipping into his hair from the nape of his neck, a serene smile on her face, and the motions of her fingers brushing through his hair makes him shut up for the minute. "Do I look...seem, how do I act?"</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, he rests his hands on her waist, tugging her in closer to his body. "You look perfect like usual." She rolls her eyes but nods for him to continue. "You seem nervous, I have to be honest, but you act like yourself. I don't want my parents and brothers meeting fake smile waitress Katniss Everdeen, I want them all to meet the Katniss that I'm dating who infuriates me but who I lo-enjoy spending my time with."</p><p>Her eyes follow his for a moment, her breath hitching as if she knew exactly what he was going to say. They don't say that word; it's far too early. But hearing him nearly slip up and admit something she might not be ready to hear still makes her heart flutter. They're both struggling with that little four-letter word.</p><p>Instead of commenting on it, she moves on, a teasing tone coming from her lips. "So? I will do for a small town Doctors girlfriend who just so happens to have spent the last week living in his home?"</p><p>He chuckles, nodding quickly as he looks down at her outfit all the way down to her shoes before looking back up at her hair. "You will more than do." He confirms, his eyes sparkling, and he can't believe how lucky he is to have her in his arms, in his home, in his life.</p><p>Although Katniss has never been someone who desperately preens for attention or dresses to impress people she doesn't know and automatically assumes she won't like, she had tried today. Usually, when they spend time together, she just throws on whatever clothes she finds first or she ends up wearing one of his button up long sleeve shirts over her bra with a pair of joggers, as she's lazy and he never complains about seeing her in his clothes.</p><p>Today, however, she truly has attempted to look like the prim and proper woman she knows they will most likely all expect her to look like. Instead of a t-shirt and joggers, she's switched it out for a long-sleeved lace black top that covers the whole of her top half and a brand new pair of jeans that Annie told her hugged her hips the right way but 'not in an overly sexy way', whatever that means. She's doing well. Even though the high heels she's forced on herself make her want to die inside.</p><p>His family were coming and dropping off their things before they all went to dinner, like a proper little- or huge in this case- family who did things like that even though Peeta has informed her they most certainty don't do that and if they do it isn't often.</p><p>To him, it's a shock enough that his family are coming at all, and she can see the dread in his eyes whenever he even thinks of it. It isn't the prospect of seeing Rye, who supposedly comes to his all the time as he only lives a few minutes away but who she's never met. It isn't even his father, the kind baker she knows Peeta got most of his attributes from, or his strict eldest brother with his large family. It's his mother that has him dreading every second.</p><p>And to think, they would be there for a week, but Peeta says they have the uncanny ability of staying longer with no warning.</p><p>She wanted to support him, and so they had agreed she would stay at his and always be by his side so he never had to face them alone. It was a true test in their relationship, spending every waking moment at home with one another and every moment at work seeing each other pass by every so often. However, they've risen to the challenge well, with him driving them into work every day and home, making dinners together and cuddling in front of the TV at night.</p><p>There is but one flaw in their master plan.</p><p>It was and still is perfectly fine and normal for them to sleep separately whilst alone in his home. Yet, Peeta knew that his mother would notice their sleeping arrangements and immediately comment on it, thinking they had problems in their relationship or that he was 'too much of a sensitive rose' to consummate his own relationship.</p><p>Katniss had shrugged when he brought it up, because it was hardly a problem. They had shared a bed before for one night at a time, though she could always tell he was uncomfortable sometimes and he would never tell her why but would never leave her. They had never shared a bed for more than one night, and doing so would lead to temptation she isn't ready for. In her head, that's the only issue but she was far too willing to push it aside and agree they'll be in the same room whilst his family in there. He still seemed unsure, but he didn't comment anything about it.</p><p>So it was settled. They would share his room whilst his family was there. She hates how her gut clenched in longing, her head knowing she isn't ready yet. But it can't be helped. She can only resist for so long before she lets it go, and she really, really, doesn't want their first time to be with his parents sleeping in the neighbouring room.</p><p>"Good." She smiles, not voicing any of her concerns. "Now, walk me through the family again before I forget. But I most likely will forget so please keep reminding me?"</p><p>Peeta nods, taking her hands from his hair and pressing a gentle kiss to each one. "You know me. Then there is Rye, easy going, jokey, a complete prankster. He's a couple of years older. He isn't married, though he does have a thing with Delly Cartwright that no one speaks about. He's a Detective here in Four." He informs her, with Katniss diligently nodding along.</p><p>From what Peeta always tells her, it seems like Rye is the easiest of the Mellark's to get along with, bar Peeta. He's kind, apparently, though you could never tell past his jokes and constant teasing. Him and Peeta are always joking together, they both have a similar sense of humour, which is good for her as she has the same as Peeta. She thinks her and Rye will be okay. She hopes.</p><p>"Next is my eldest brother, Bannock." He continues, wrinkling his nose like he can't think of how to describe him. "Married, he's thirty-two, lives in the town One and is the CEO of a large pharmaceutical company." He thinks, frowning when he can't find the right words. "He is married to a woman named Cashmere from One-"</p><p>"Cashmere?" She wrinkles her nose. That other girl, Glimmer, from the diner, was also from One and she hated her. The names these people give their children truly are revolting. "What's next? Velvet?"</p><p>Peeta chuckles, shrugging his shoulders like he has no clue why someone would do it, and she doesn't either. "They have children." He tells her, holding up four fingers, which makes her eyes widen. "Eldest one is Aron, he's seven and loves <em>Ratatouille</em>, that movie I forced us to watch. He's crazy, excitable, and kind of an ass but I can't say that about my own family apparently."</p><p>"Okay." She nods, sort of tuning out as he continues speaking about his brother's gang of children.</p><p>There are three boys and one little girl, and apparently the pair is expecting another but she's too early in the pregnancy to know what the pair is having. First is Aron, and then there is Wren and Barley. Last is Alexia, though Peeta calls her 'the baby' most of the time when he speaks about her.</p><p>Wren is apparently quiet, but he's attached to his mother and won't leave her alone, and it drives Cashmere mad according to Peeta. The little boy is only five and he hardly tries to speak to anyone, and is withdrawn from the rest of the family but adores Rye and Peeta. He dislikes his grandmother, which does make Katniss's heart with a childish glee.</p><p>Barley is exactly like Rye, only three and yet he's showing every trait that Rye had at that age. Peeta thinks it's funny because it drives Bannock mad at the thought of his youngest boy being like his younger brother. He giggles all the time, jokes and repeats what you say until you give him what he wants. He loves to hang off of things like a monkey and goes through stages of only answering if you call him 'Bar man' because he heard Rye say it to a bartender and has since fallen in love with the phrase.</p><p>The youngest is the girl, of course, and she's apparently only a few months old. Peeta has had the pleasure of meeting her a handful of times and the baby wails if she sees him but can't be in his arms. He says he isn't sure whom she'll take after, but that she's a quiet baby when being held, so he assumes she'll grow up to love company.</p><p>Peeta has pride in his voice with every word he says about them, and it's clear that he'll love his own children just as much, though probably more if she's being honest, as them. His eyes nearly shine when telling her a story about how Wren once banged into Rye's head from hanging off the monkey bars in the park and Rye had concussion. He grins when he pulls out his phone and shows her pictures of his brother's family, and she barely looks at the photos, focusing on the joy in his eyes.</p><p>It makes her heart fill up with a weird sensation she can't quite place, and she knows that it's far too early to even think about it, but her mind flashes with images of little brown haired, blue eyed babies with his personality and gentle manner.</p><p>The thought of it makes her pause, and stop him from continuing as she tugs him in for a deep kiss that makes him moan under his breath.</p><p>She presses him against the dressing table, her hands trailing over the fabric of his shirt, her mouth devouring his as they kiss, catching his bottom lip between her teeth and tugging at it before she pulls away, realising what she was doing. "Sorry." She whispers breathlessly.</p><p>Peeta grins, leaning up and pressing a much shorter, softer, kiss to her lips, but he allows her to pull away despite his desire to pull her closer. "You definitely don't need to apologise for that."</p><p>She smiles, but waves it off and motions for him to continue telling her about his family. She needs to hear about his mother and father last, and she's dreading whatever it is he'll say about his mother.</p><p>"My father is Graham." He tells her, pursing his lips as he thinks about how to describe his father. "He owns the family bakery back in Twelve, he's kind. He's never even so much as raised his voice at us, even when we really deserved it." Peeta grimaces at the thought of his younger self, but she can hardly imagine he was ever a child who did much wrong. "Then my mother-"</p><p>"Correct me if I'm wrong," She thinks, tapping her chin. "I think I've heard you mention the name Aurelia?"</p><p>"Yes," He nods, though he's hardly thrilled that his mother's is the only name Katniss knew already. Either he's complained about her too much or mentioned her once; meaning Katniss just had a good memory. "Aurelia Mellark. She's...something. She likes to pick out everything you're doing wrong, point out all of your mistakes even when you don't think you've made any. Mom can be a bit judgmental, and she likes to have control over everything so if she tells you she wants to do something, just let her. If you don't, she'll start a fight and be cruel to you and-"</p><p>Placing her index finger over his lips, she shushes him, a concerned look in her eyes but a small, comforting, smile on her face. "I promise. Everything will be just fine. You're going to get through this, I'm going to get through this, they'll go home and we'll only have to see them at family events."</p><p>Peeta quirks a brow, and she frowns when she realises exactly what she just said. "You're planning on coming with me to family events, huh?"</p><p>"Well, I am your girlfriend." She points out like it's no big deal. "Aren't we meant to do that sort of thing? Only every so often but, I'm pretty certain it's in the fine print of our relationship contract in my head under section b, subsection c family gatherings." She teases.</p><p>He wraps his arms around her again, standing tall so he can press a soft kiss to her forehead. "You are something else, Katniss Everdeen." He mumbles against her skin, and she releases a sigh of contentment at the contact. "You know that?"</p><p>"I do." She nods, glancing up at Peeta with a dopey grin she only reserves for him. "Now, I can smell pancakes, please lead me to them immediately."</p><p>Grabbing her hand gently, he leads her with him to the kitchen, where the radio seems to have just repeated the same song she heard earlier all of again. Usually, it bothers her, but she's too blissed out to truly listen or care, but some of the lyrics do catch her.</p><p>'<em>Who needs a lover that can't be a friend? Something tells me I'm the one you've been looking for...'</em></p><p>As Peeta walks over to the counter, he lets go of her hand just so she can move to sit on the stool where he's already laid an empty plate in front of her. Within seconds, he's coming back with a bit plate full of food, setting it in front of her with a kiss to her temple. "Dig in."</p><p>"I will." She assures, smirking when he sits next to her even though she notes that she's once again facing his right side instead of his left. Now isn't the time to ask about it, though, so she remains wisely silent on the matter.</p><p>'<em>Won't you tell him you've found someone who gives you more, someone who will protect you, love and respect you?'</em></p><p>She thinks to herself as she eats, her eyes trained on his hands as he uses a knife and fork to eat his food. She doesn't think she's ever seen him eat without a knife and fork, even having once watched him eat a pizza with them. It was the strangest thing she'd ever witnessed in her life, but at least he's clean about how he eats if nothing else. Maybe it's because he has to touch blood and other bodily fluids at work and the idea of using his hands on food grosses him out. Or maybe it's because he grew up with those attitudes. She'll find out at dinner.</p><p>There is so much still to learn about Peeta Mellark, she realises. One minute, she's cocky and thinks she knows absolutely everything in the five months she has known him, whereas the next minute, she realises how truly little she does know. It always catches her by surprise. He's an enigma, but in the best way. At least she knows the worst thing she could find is a horrible mother. He's somehow both an open book and a puzzle she can't wait to finish.</p><p>She's never wanted to know so much about someone. She wants to know absolutely everything. Sure, she knows how he takes his tea, his favourite colour and how long he takes in the shower. But she doesn't know any of the big stuff, not really. She wonders how long he would date someone before proposing? Would he want a big wedding or small? Does he want children one day? If he does, how many? Does he want to remain in the town they live in or move back home one day? Or would he rather stay in this beautiful town in this beautiful home with friends and a family he's built for himself? Does he see her as part of his future?</p><p>It's too early, she reasons with herself, to be thinking about that. It's far, far too early. If he could read her mind right now, he would go running for the hills. How could she think about things like marriage when she hasn't even met his parents? When she's still married herself. Then again, she never thought of him marrying her, so maybe she isn't too ahead of herself. All she thought was whether he would get married.</p><p>Why is she lying to herself? Of course she imagined it was her he would be marrying, who else could it possibly be?</p><p>Breaking away from her thoughts, Katniss turns her head to face the door when she hears the ringing chimes of the doorbell. She doesn't have time to wonder too much, as Peeta is immediately scrambling to clean up their plates away in the dishwasher. She rushes to help, having the kitchen spotless again in seconds, before she turns to face him and links her arm with his like some kind of couple in the fifties. "Ready?"</p><p>"Not a bit." He chuckles, walking to the door with her slowly as the doorbell goes again. "You?"</p><p>"Nope." She nearly laughs, brushing down her shirt and jeans in case of any pancake crumbs, before her hand rakes through the soft curls she'd given her hair, making sure she at least looks presentable enough. "But, we don't really have any other options so..."</p><p>He wrinkles his nose, nodding slowly. "Unfortunately, that is correct. I apologise now."</p><p>With that, he pulls open the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I had originally intended for the Mellark family to be in this chapter but then I decided I wanted to have a chapter which was just them two on their own being all loved up as I haven't actually give you that yet? Also, I may be a total asshole and split the next chapter into two so that one of them is in Peeta's kind of perspective and his day and the other is in Katniss's, which might mean a shorter chapter, but I might not do that. I haven't decided you know?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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